dee
Well-known
Being forcibly retired , having no ' value ' as a designer / visualiser which was all that I could ' do ' has knocked me sideways a bit .
Being incapable of resolving He / She / Me [ XY but mind in default as She ] makes just being among people deeficult too . It's dawning upon me how dee'sruptive , relentless and exhausting this is - my mind shocked and confused moment by moment .
Autism / lostness means that I quickly lose any sense of ' me doing ' unless it's something familar and close - my camera . I become dee'sconnected , what's happening ? what is ' me ' , what is that ?
Intellectually , I must know , but it does not help ]
Using a camera usually helps contain and focus an out of phase world , but it's not working too well at present . It's never been about photography . Just coping , and using my snapshots to help a fragmented memory .
I tend to jump around from one ' toy / escape ' to another .
I also get overload from forums and all the ' voices ' at times - cameras / die-cast / Hi-Fi ... whatever .
Then there is the awkwardness of not paying attention to the posts of others , being disrespectful maybe ?
It's ALWAYS being a lost child among sensible grown ups with rules I struggle with .
Jumping in with sorting the sound system ... but there's a pause there at present .
I love repeats of stimulus / input , so have been collating a replica Trade box of 6x Dinky Pre-war style buses and 6x Streamlined Fire Engines which hands and eyes find safe and comforting [ like my Leica-likes and Kontaxes ]
.. and taking photos of my toys too !
Maybe a camera can be more than a means to ' photography ' maybe it can simply be something to hide behind , something to keep someone focused and occupied .
Maybe a group of similar safe / comforting objects , cameras / toys fulfill a role beyond their purpose .
Maybe that's OK too .
Being incapable of resolving He / She / Me [ XY but mind in default as She ] makes just being among people deeficult too . It's dawning upon me how dee'sruptive , relentless and exhausting this is - my mind shocked and confused moment by moment .
Autism / lostness means that I quickly lose any sense of ' me doing ' unless it's something familar and close - my camera . I become dee'sconnected , what's happening ? what is ' me ' , what is that ?
Intellectually , I must know , but it does not help ]
Using a camera usually helps contain and focus an out of phase world , but it's not working too well at present . It's never been about photography . Just coping , and using my snapshots to help a fragmented memory .
I tend to jump around from one ' toy / escape ' to another .
I also get overload from forums and all the ' voices ' at times - cameras / die-cast / Hi-Fi ... whatever .
Then there is the awkwardness of not paying attention to the posts of others , being disrespectful maybe ?
It's ALWAYS being a lost child among sensible grown ups with rules I struggle with .
Jumping in with sorting the sound system ... but there's a pause there at present .
I love repeats of stimulus / input , so have been collating a replica Trade box of 6x Dinky Pre-war style buses and 6x Streamlined Fire Engines which hands and eyes find safe and comforting [ like my Leica-likes and Kontaxes ]
.. and taking photos of my toys too !
Maybe a camera can be more than a means to ' photography ' maybe it can simply be something to hide behind , something to keep someone focused and occupied .
Maybe a group of similar safe / comforting objects , cameras / toys fulfill a role beyond their purpose .
Maybe that's OK too .
RanceEric
The name is Rance
I think you make a great point. Maybe I'm interpreting this differently than how you intended, but I have used photography, taking out a camera, and/or developing and scanning negatives, or working in the darkroom to cope with or as a means of escape from hardships. It's definitely something I've used to either take my mind off of the negative, or channel the negative into something positive.
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