So.... Am I a Ghoul, Deviant?

J

jolefler

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Here's a one in a lifetime question....I'll confess later, but here's your (my former) situation:

The nursing home where both your parents are interred calls at 3:30 AM to inform you that your Mother has passed away. Your dress and leave for the home. Upon arriving you wake your Father who's in the same room to inform him. You consol and lead him to the adjoining bed, where your deceased Mother lies. After 15-20 minutes of physical consolation, you seat yourself in a chair at a nearby table. As your Father grieves, do you reach for your pocketed Barnack?

OK, I did. The negs are still hanging to dry from processing 12 hours ago. A quick inspection determines they are printable. I don't know if I should. Would you?
 
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That is a very painful situation. I wouldn't be able to do it. I was in a funeral procession following a casket a few years back. I had a P&S digital camera that I pulled out of my pocket and snapped the coffin and pall bearers in front of me. I never look at that photo, although I might go back and look at it today because of your post. Good luck with your decission.

My condolences,
/T
 
I'm so sorry to hear about your mother.

Your decision to print the negatives is such a personal one, I would hesitate to tell you what to do.

Would I print them were I in your shoes? I have no idea. On the one hand, they're just images, after all. What harm would printing them do? Be prepared (if that's possible) for a flood of emotion should you take that step. It could be a cathartic experience for you.

Waiting to print them is an option. Obviously they'll be around anytime you want/can print them. There's no hurry.

I don't really know...
 
I don't know if I could. But I also wouldn't decry someone who did.

My condolences on your loss.

edit: In favor of printing them is photography as a art, and as an artist that is one way we process and deal with the world around us. This is a sad event. Dealing with it through your art - even if you don't end up sharing the images, may very well help you personally.
 
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Thanks all, had to make a quick grammar revision, so still here. My thanks for your sympathy, but I'm OK with it as it is. The printing question still looms, though.
 
A painful situation. My condolences. I think those images will be an important record within the scope of your family history, appreciated beyond your passing. Milestone events are often under-recorded or not recorded at all. Those images/negatives are now a part of your historical record. Protect, archive, and cherish them. You are not a ghoul.

.
 
Strange thing is I was at a funeral today of a close relative. I was going to post a thread asking if it was strange to "see" the occasion photographically. For most of the time my photographers eye is finding the shots. i didn't have a camera with me but was panged by it's absence during the proceedings.

Cheers, Lol
 
its funny last night i went to the hospital to see a friend and his family, they have been going through some hard times lately, he is going through chemo, his wife just had surgery too and the son has gone through 3 surgeries this week for cysts found in his brain, well last night i took my camera with me and i couldnt bring myself to take a picture of this boy he is 17 going to be 18 in 8 months.

honestly i dont know why, when i think about it i should have just done it.
i dont think its wrong its just you choose to record a moment, be it a good or bad moment its all about recording life.
 
For instance, Annie Leibovitz in her great book "life of a photographer" published series of her children's birth and parents and lovers death over illness... I think some may need those, don't force yourself, just do it if your guts ask you to do it.

By the way her pictures are wonderful, she's probably glad she'd done it. 🙂

My best friend passed away last year after a quick disease (he was 23) and I tried to take a picture while he was alive, ill, he asked me not to (he was a photographer too), I respected that in his illness and his death but I sometimes regret not having these harsh shots because my only reason to push the button is to illustrate my life, my intimacy.

Print it for yourself you seem to have accepted it, do you feel the need to?

I'm sorry for your loss, thank you for bringing the topic to life. 🙂

L.
 
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I assume your father wasn't aware of your taking the pictures. You may not even want to let him know you did it, and just keep them for yourself.

No, you're not a ghoul. I think these are probably priceless photos that will give you wonderful memories of your parents.
 
My codolences.

While my grandmother was dying this past summer, I often thought about taking her picture. In the end I didn't, because I feared having to explain myself to my family who might have seen the act as callous or as a mechanism to remain emotionally removed from the situation, which may have compounded their pain. That said, however, had I the courage to take the photos, I definitely would have printed them.

I think as an artist you have sometimes to deal with intentions competing with outcomes.
 
I spent the last few hours with my father in a hospice and photographed him until the end. I have come to realize that it's just the way I process what's going on. Some consider it disrespectful though I suppose.

I made a short video in school about the connection between photography and memory and it has some of those pictures of my father. If you want to see them the video it is on a post on my blog. It was a post titled -----> RIDING AND MEMORY. It's the YouTube video at the bottom of the post before the comments.

My friend Stephen Dirado has been photographing his father's slow decline from Alzheimers with an 8x10 camera. They can be viewed HERE.

I believe photography can have a place during these times but it is conditional on the intent of the photographer. Others will judge but it is a personal choice.
 
jolefler said:
OK, I did. The negs are still hanging to dry from processing 12 hours ago. A quick inspection determines they are printable. I don't know if I should. Would you?
Click to expand...

Takes a lotta guts Jo, What you did.

If you had the guts to take the picture and soup the film, you will need less guts to print them. And print them you will.

Like said before, print them when you feel comfortable(if you can call it that!)

Cheers,

Kiu
 
jolefler said:
A quick inspection determines they are printable. I don't know if I should. Would you?
Click to expand...

First, accept my condolences for your loss.

There are a lot of issues to work through here, in no particular order.

1) print or not?
2) print now or later?
3) if print now, then show/tell whom?
4) consideration for your other family members' feelings
5) dealing with your own grief
6) keep negatives or destroy them?
7) disclose/discuss what you have done with father? Other family members?
8) honor their wishes or go your own way?

These issues raised by these questions are deep, may engender intense emotion among the participants and no doubt will be, in part, culturally determined -- also your answers may change with time and possibly with the death of your father.

A well processed silver negative will last 50 years easily. I'd put them away for a while and see how you feel in a year, or five. You made your decision to snap the pix and it is difficult to tell from your post whether you understand your own motivation for doing so.

I do not think that anyone should be denied their own grieving process, but the tricky part is that your grieving process is active (that is -- taking pictures, recording a moment) rather than passive and may have an effect on those around you.

Respectfully,

Ben Marks
 
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My condolences for your loss. And only you can decide whether to print the pictures. But I can share some of my recent experiences in case they are of help to you.

First, my father-in-law passed away last month. I did not take pictures at the regular funeral services but did at the following military service. My wife is very glad to have the pictures of her father's coffin with the American flag draped over it and with the Marines in full uniform proudly showing their respect, not to mention the 21 gun salute and taps. Very emotional but it was the service he wanted and my wife is glad to have the pictures to remind her of his career commitment to the Marines and all that meant to him.

Second, the mother of one of my very best friends passed away earlier this month and the service was just this past Sunday. A family & friends gathering followed and, with his permission, took a number of shots of that gathering. Just last night I emailed him some of the better shots. The response I got this morning is as follows: "these shots are gorgeous......thank you for taking and forwarding them........in truth I wasn't sure about pictures at a memorial celebration but now I am glad that you documented the event. If possible I'd like to print some copies..."

So, as others have already said, I think it very important to capture images of these important events. They can be cathartic now and personally valuable later. The printing, with the implicit notion of sharing them, is a more personal decision. As for the question of ghoulishness, that is more a question of taste and without knowing more specifically what images you took I cannot comment. And presuming they are tasteful then I commend you for having the wherewithal to have taken them and would suggest you consider printing them at least for your own viewing. What you then do with the prints can more easily be decided.
 
Sorry to hear about your loss. I'm with the print them later folks. I'm also not sure I'd show them to your father. Wait a few weeks, and see how you feel when you are further along the grieving process.
 
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