So.... Am I a Ghoul, Deviant?

My condolences. I think I may have done the same thing. Loss and grieving are a part of life, and, if nothing else, photography exists to record life. The loss of my own father and grandmother was sudden and, frankly, terrifying. I functioned, but I have few coherent memories of that day or even that week. If I'd been composed enough to take photos...well, I'm not sure what I'd have done. But I don't think it's ghoulish or deviant.
 
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Thanks, and regarding my Dad...

Thanks, and regarding my Dad...

A former wedding photographer, also some industrial work. We were at the church early (before mourners came)and he directed me around the church to document the funeral surroundings. "Get this from here..." etc.

Sadly strickened with Alzheimer's, he doesn't remember the service today. No, I wouldn't show him the prints of him grieving, I may show him some of the church shots...he won't remember seeing them anyway.
 
I too recently had a family member die. At my grandmother's funeral I carried the CL around and shot 4 rolls, though there were certain things I couldn't bring myself to shoot. The family didn't think it was odd, or ghoulish because I always take a camera to family gatherings. It gave me just enough detachment to be able to function at the service, and later at the cemetery.

I did develop those pictures, but only checked to make sure nothing happened during development. It might be cathartic, as vrgard said, but I haven't printed any of them, and I'm not sure I could. That said, I went to school with a guy who took photographs of his mother's last days, as she died of cancer. One of those photos was used at the funeral, and became the family's favorite portrait of her.

I would suggest doing what you are comfortable with. This is one of those moments where photography is intensely personal.
 
jolefler
This is a very precious piece of your personal history, and unless you want to publish this on the first page of tomorrow's NY Times, I do not see anything improper in what you have done.
In these circumstances, there are people who cry, people who sing, even people who dance - so why there shouldn't be someone who takes photos. The way in which a perception of a photographer works, makes this kind of behaviour not only acceptable, but actually quite natural.
A hug.
Marek
 
I think you've done the hardest part in taking the photographs. Print them when you feel happy to do so and simply see how you go from there.

The only real difficulty comes from the reaction of your father and other family members should they see or become aware of the images. Only you can possibly know what their reactions may be.

Now the negatives have been made I see no gain in destroying them, certainly not so soon.

I don't think anyone of us can give you a definitive answer, maybe not even on what we would do in a similar situation. My mother died from breast cancer some 18 months ago after two years of living with it. I wish I had done what Steve Williams' friend did and documented her illness. Such things needn't always be melancholy, my mother's humour shone through in the face of great pain, disorientation and fear. Whilst I have those memories I would love to be able to show people the strength and dignity that she, and therefore us all, are capable of even when we are aware that our lives are rapidly approaching their end.

I hope you're happy in whatever decision you make and my condolences
 
I don't remember where I saw it, but an art photography magazine had a series of photographs depicting this very same situation.
Sorry for your loss. My business partner lost his father a couple of weeks ago. It's a bitter pill we have to swallow.
 
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I'm sorry about your mother. Mine went suddenly a few years ago. I jumped on a plane without packing any camera. To this day I wish I had. Not all treasures are without pain.
 
First, my father-in-law passed away last month. I did not take pictures at the regular funeral services but did at the following military service. My wife is very glad to have the pictures of her father's coffin with the American flag draped over it and with the Marines in full uniform proudly showing their respect, not to mention the 21 gun salute and taps. Very emotional but it was the service he wanted and my wife is glad to have the pictures to remind her of his career commitment to the Marines and all that meant to him.

A military funeral does not have that personal touch, it's a salute to a veteran. Well worth remembering in photos. My friends and I recently buried a old shipmate with full honors. Even the family took photos.
 
Ducky said:
A military funeral does not have that personal touch, it's a salute to a veteran. Well worth remembering in photos. My friends and I recently buried a old shipmate with full honors. Even the family took photos.
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You're quite right, Ducky, that a military funeral is a salute to a veteran. Interestingly, it was even more emotional than was the regular funeral service if for no other reason than that it was significantly more somber. My father-in-law was always the life of the party, the quintessential "happy Hawaiian" (that was his heritage) so the regular funeral service very aptly matched his spirit. The military service was quite the opposite, particularly with the 21 gun salute and the playing of taps. Let's just say there weren't many dry eyes in the house during that part of the service. Anyways, I do agree with you that the taking of pictures in that setting seemed much more appropriate (almost like taking shots of a passing parade, with all due respect) than had I done the same at his regular services (where I was too busy being the supportive husband and son-in-law to take any pictures). But I guess this also points out that my experiences were likewise different in kind from the original poster's situation/setting in the room with his father where his mother had just passed away.

-Randy
 
feenej said:
I'd probably wait a few years or let my son/daughter make that decision someday.
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I was going to say "dedicated", but you're right.

They used to have death masks "back in the day". Having a camera at hand is less vulturesque than having the lump of wax and a lit candle ready.

I would try to put myself in that situation: if my wife had just died and my son started snapping my reaction away, I'd probably cane him silly. He already put me in a senior home, so I'd probably be already be p'ed off. That is, unless I'm just too tired to care. Or photos of that would be the means to fund a lavish interment.

WWLMD? (What Would Leopold Mozart Do?) 😡
 
Sorry to hear about this. I agree with the others, you are not a ghoul, I also would have taken the shots. I am a person who likes to hide from certain things behind a lens, always have. Would I print the pictures? I'd print one and see how I felt after. Would I show them to my father? Can't say, but probably not.

As photographers (pro or not, doesn't matter) we live to record moments. Other people paint moments, or write poems about them. We make a picture, it's what we do, you are not a ghoul because you use a camera to keep your memories on.

Take care, be with your family.
 
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