Civility?

Being personally abusive isn't ok, but there can be a fine line between real abuse and an occasional outburst (we're all human).

This forum, while still one of the better ones out there, is (unless you're a leicaphile, maybe--I'm not one so I don't know) orders of magnitude less interesting than it was a year or two or three ago. Lots of people banned for no good reason (at least that any of us are privy to), lots of worthwhile contributors and good people who gave up and were driven away by sneering, fake-ass "civility" from some of the rank ignoramuses and photo-pharisees around here.
 
bmattock said:
My point exactly. Thank you.

Which do you prefer? Obviously fake niceness, or the truth as the person speaking happens to see it?
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Neither are particularly edifying but if push comes to shove I prefer fake niceness - its what oils the wheels of society after all - just ask the diplomatic corps!

Anyway, too often "speaking the truth" or "speaking honestly" is just an excuse for bad behaviour by bad (or at least narcissistic) people whose mothers should have smacked them on the nose when they were 5 years old.
 
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Written vs spoken discussions is a tough one. Statements that come across fine verbally can be interpreted as abrasive or offensive in written form. Nothing seems to go sideways faster than a written conversation misunderstood or miscommunicated.

Is face to face discussion less confrontational and much more civil?
 
WDPictures said:
Is face to face discussion less confrontational and much more civil?
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I think that's certainly the case. As social animals, the inflection of the voice, the appearance of the eyes and facial expression give us cues as to the feelings and intent of the sender and also as to how the message is being received. How many times do you "sense" that your communication is not being as well received as you intended and change your words, add some words of explanation or even adopt a more placatory tone?

You can't do that when using purely written communication as you get no immediate feedback on how your message is being received and processed.
 
bmattock said:
My point exactly. Thank you.

Which do you prefer? Obviously fake niceness, or the truth as the person speaking happens to see it?
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For me, the guiding principle is kindness and compassion. If I am certain my words are framed by that principle to the best of my ability, then I am comfortable with conveying criticism.
 
dazedgonebye said:
Making the point, I believe, that he would be himself no matter how pretty was the person he was speaking to.
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And using a character from a play loosely based on Bobbie Fischer.

Words are, after all, tiny little chess pieces. One places them where one wishes, one is blocked and responds and in this manner the game is played.

Besides, a little humor, a little outrage, a little seltzer down your pants, is good for the conversation. Otherwise, we're a bunch of stuffed shirts with little more personality than a stuffed moose. The problem is when a genuine stuffed shirt can't take it and goes off in a Huff. Personally, I drive a Jeep, but that's beside the point.

Someone on RFF once told me that I use words like knives, and I suppose that is true. But I do not use them to cut people (although that appears to sometimes happen). I use them to carve out ideas and to make clear my thoughts and opinions - much like most here do. I am often accused of being angry - when I am nothing of the sort - I am merely emphatic. I am guilty of enjoying a little barn-burning now and then. I've tried to get better at that. I also have an exceptionally thick skin, and I sometimes make the mistake of assuming you do to.
 
Interesting and timely thread.

I stopped visiting and posting here on a regular basis some time ago when the ratio of ego to content in threads became unacceptable.

Ultimately, I come here, and places like it, to share, to learn and to relax. I don't come here to be irritated by passive-aggressive thuggery, "Iyam what Iyam, that's just me" egotists and loquacious louts.

There are some who post here on all too frequent a basis who mistake being aggressive for being assertive, who do not understand the difference between being forthright and being opinionated and who think manners and civility are a sign of weakness.

An online community is a community like any other. There are good people and bad, there are those who contribute and those who leach the life and goodness out of everything they touch. When there are too many of the latter, the community dies.

Regards,

Bill
 
Yesterday I saw a billboard at the train station here in Copenhagen that said (in Dansih):

"Show consideration for others - it's infectious"

I really liked that - and I suppose being rude to others is also infectious - so let's all try to make an effort to push things in the right direction, and then those few rude people out there will really feel out of place at RFF, and hopefully move their internet experience elsewhere.
 
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