Haven't seen any bad jokes for a while so...

[rbiemer]

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?



They were sitting on the deck.😀 🙄


Rob

 

[jpbob100]

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.😛

 

[Keith]

Three parrots in a cage ... one on the top rung ... one on the middle and one on the bottom. Which parrot owns the cage..?









The bottom one .... the other two are on higher perches! :angel:

 

[SteveM(PA)]

Anybody hear about the blind carpenter?

He picked up a hammer and saw.

🙂

 

[MikeL]

Moderators, where are you when we need you! 😉

 

[pvdhaar]

Oh man, my 6 year old daughter tells the same joke every day at dinner for two months in a row now. I need an extra dose of groaners like I need a hole in the head!

 

[sirius]

What did one wall say to the other? Meet you at the corner.

 

[John Robertson]

What do you call a skinhead with a centre parting?


A Bum.:bang:

 

[John Robertson]

Did you hear about the terrorist who tried to blow up the Q E 2???



He couldn't get his mouth over the funnel!

 

[Will]

Did you hear about the terrorist who tried to blow up the Q E 2???



He couldn't get his mouth over the funnel!

This one is good...

 

[Doctor Zero]

Here's a surreal one:
There's two elephants sitting in a tree playing cards. An egg walks past. One of the elephants asks the egg: "want to join us in playing cards". The egg responds: "I can't - I'm going to get my hair cut".

........@.....@............@...... (tumbleweed, ominous silence)

Don't worry, nobody else seems to get it either. I like it. And I'll go and take my pills now 😱 .

Doctor Zero

 

[Ororaro]

A blonde, Brunette and redhead are about to give birth.

The brunette says "I'm sure it'a s boy. My hubby was on top of me during the ccnception".
The REdhead says "I'm sure it's a girl. My Hubby was lying under me during the conception".
And then the Blonde says "My God, I'm going to give birth to a dog!"

 

[Sparrow]

Two goldfish in a tank, one says to the other….do you know how to drive this thing?

 

[IGMeanwell]

The nuns & the vampire:

Two nuns are driving along in a car when a vampire lands on their bonnet. The first nun shouts to the second nun, "Quick, show it your cross!". So the second nun leans out the window and shouts, "Get off my freakin car!".

 

[jpbob100]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, what's with the long face."😱

 

[FrankS]

This man goes to the same bar every week and orders 3 pints at the same time and then drinks them. Finally the bartender says, why don't you just order them one at a time so they don't get warm before you drink them? The man replies that he and his 2 buddies have a tradition that when any one of them goes out without the others, that they buy 3 pints as if they were all there. The next week, this man goes back to this bar, but only orders 2 pints and drinks them. The bartender says, Oh, I'm very sorry. Did one of your friends pass away? No replied the man, I just gave up drinking.

 

[dadsm3]

An arithmetic teacher was stopped while boarding a plane, seems he had a protractor and compass set with him.
He was immediately charged with possession of 'weapons of math instruction'.

 

[Jonathan_100]

A man walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables. The bartender looks at him and says, "Look pal, I don't want your starting anything in here."

 

[Pherdinand]

The seven dwarfs are telling jokes, one after the other. At every joke, they clap and say "Vely good!"
Time for the small one at the end. He stands up, says "Sex." and looks around waiting.
"But blothel, this is not a joke!"
"Tlue, but it is vely good!"

 

[Pherdinand]

How do the lesbian vampires say goodbye?
"See you nexth month."

sorry😀