Haven't seen any bad jokes for a while so...

The sheriff walks into the local saloon and tells the assembled drinkers that he's looking for the 'paper cowboy' ... "you'll have no trouble spotting him, he wears paper chaps and his vest and hat are also made of paper"

"what's he wanted for sheriff?" they ask ...


"rustlin'" :D
 
The inflatable schoolboy was called before the inflatable headmaster of the inflatable school.

"Look boy", said the headmaster. "You've not only let me down, but you've let down the whole school!"
 
These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this bar. The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders. The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?"
The string says "Yeah."
The bartender says, "aren't you a string?"
The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..."
 
Heard about....

....this noble gentleman from the upper class of Britain meeting a cockney from London's Eas End, - in the WWI trenches:

The gentleman: 'I came here to die..'

The cockney: 'Oh, I came here yesterday...!'
 
dadsm3 said:
I thought these were supposed to be BAD jokes, these are funny as hell.....
Click to expand...
You may have a problem there………;)

Two sisters having there photo taken, first sister says he has to focus first..
Second sister says what….both of us?
 
A bit of a long one, one of the many bad jokes my step-dad likes to tell:


Jesus, a priest, and an old man are playing golf together. The priest tees off first, and makes a very respectable shot down the fairway.

Jesus tees off next, drives the ball straight as an arrow right onto the green, only six feet from the cup.

The old man tees off last. His ball shanks hard to the right and lands in a water trap. As the ball is sinking, a large fish swallows his ball, and leaps out of the water. A passing eagle swoops down, nabs the fish, and starts flying away. As the eagle climbs, he loses his grip, and drops the fish onto the course. The old man's ball pops from the mouth of the fish, and rolls into the cup. A hole-in-one...

The priest is flabbergasted, and can't say a word. Jesus just rolls his eyes, turns to the old man, and says, "Dad, stop cheating."


:D
 
pvdhaar said:
Oh man, my 6 year old daughter tells the same joke every day at dinner for two months in a row now. I need an extra dose of groaners like I need a hole in the head!
Click to expand...
So, tell us the joke please!
Rob
 
Why do mice have small balls?













Because they don't dance very well! (Just what were you thinking?) :)
 
A threesome is waiting to tee-off. The course marshal comes along and asks them if it's alright that a 4th join them. They say sure, and it turns out to be a georgeous drop dead shapely woman in a low cut tight sweater and mini skirt. She explains that she's not very good at golf so the guys eagerly give her lots of tips on golfing. With their help and blind luck, the woman's ball is just a foot from the hole, with a putt to make birdie. I've never made a birdie before says the woman. Whoever gives me the right advice to sink this shot will be "amply rewarded". Guy #1 checks out the shot and tells her to aim just to the right. Guy #2 checks out the lie and tells her to aim just to the left. Guy #3 walks up, picks up the ball and drops it in the hole. That's a gimme, he says.
 
Why did the girl fall off of the swing?
She didn't have any arms!

Why couldn't the girl get back up?
She didn't have any legs!



hehe
 
saw this one on the sopranos the other night...

A woman is sat in the kitchen when in walks her husband with a goat under his arm.

"I've something to confess....I've been sleeping with this pig." He says

His wife stares in disbelief...."It's not a pig, it's a goat," is all she can say.



The husband shouts at her,"Shut up! I wasn't talking to you!"
 
Last edited:
A turtle was trudging along with a snail sitting on top of the turtle's shell. What did the snail shout?


An exhilarating "Wheeeeeee, wheeeeee!"
 
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a shot of whiskey. The bartender sets it up, and the guy slugs it, and then looks into his breast pocket. He quickly orders another shot, slugs it, then peeks back into his pocket. He orders another shot. The bartender, who has been watching, sets up another shot, which the guy downs quickly. Sure enough, he looks into his breast pocket again, then orders another shot. As the bartender pours it, he asks the man "Why do you keep looking into your pocket after every shot?" The man slugs the next shot and replies "I have picture of my wife in there. When she looks good, I'm going home."
(rimshot!)
 
BJ Bignell said:
A bit of a long one, one of the many bad jokes my step-dad likes to tell:


Jesus, a priest, and an old man are playing golf together. The priest tees off first, and makes a very respectable shot down the fairway.

Jesus tees off next, drives the ball straight as an arrow right onto the green, only six feet from the cup.

The old man tees off last. His ball shanks hard to the right and lands in a water trap. As the ball is sinking, a large fish swallows his ball, and leaps out of the water. A passing eagle swoops down, nabs the fish, and starts flying away. As the eagle climbs, he loses his grip, and drops the fish onto the course. The old man's ball pops from the mouth of the fish, and rolls into the cup. A hole-in-one...

The priest is flabbergasted, and can't say a word. Jesus just rolls his eyes, turns to the old man, and says, "Dad, stop cheating."


:D
Click to expand...

And on that note...

Jesus and Moses are out golfing together. The third hole is a dogleg around a body of water. The usual approach is to take the first shot to the corner of the dogleg and then the second to get onto the green. But as Jesus steps up to his ball to tee off, he aims directly over the water towards the green.

"What are you doing?" asks Moses.

"Don't worry," says Jesus. "I've seen Arnold Palmer make this shot. I know I can do it."

"Ok," says Moses. "But you know that it's going to cost you a shot if you land the ball in the water."

"Leave me alone," says Jesus.

He winds up and hits the ball hard. It flies high in the air and lands smack in the middle of the water.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," says Moses.

Jesus is quite upset. So Moses walks down the hill, parts the water, and walks out to collect Jesus' ball. As he walks back, the water closes behind him. He comes back up the hill, drying the ball off on his sleeve, and hands it back to Jesus.

"That's going to cost you a shot," says Moses.

"Yea, yea," says Jesus.

He puts the ball back on the tee and lines up his shot once more.

"You're not going to try that again, are you?" asks Moses.

"Look," says Jesus. "I've seen Arnold Palmer make this shot. I know I can do it. So just leave me alone."

"Ok," says Moses. "But if you land it in the water again, it's going to cost you another shot."

Jesus says nothing. He winds up and hits the ball even harder this time. It flies straight and true but lands three feet short of the far shore.

"That's going to cost you another shot," says Moses. "And you're going to have to get your own ball this time."

So Jesus heads down the hill, grumbling all the way. He walks out across the water to where his ball went in, rolls up his sleeve, reaches down into the water and collects the ball.

Meanwhile, the next foursome has caught up and they are talking to Moses on top of the hill. One of them looks down and sees Jesus walking back across the water with his ball.

"Hey," shouts the man. "Who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?"

"No," says Moses. "He thinks he's Arnold Palmer.":D
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom