25 Horrible Photo Puns: 2021 Edition
They’re all cringeworthy and in Q & A format. Hope you Leica!
By Jason Schneider
Q: What’s the best exercise machine for photo enthusiasts?
A: The Rolleiflex
Q: What’s the best car for photographers?
A: For mainstream shooters: Ford Focus
For elite and pro shooters: Mercedes-Benz 300 SLR (the rare racing version of famed 300SL “gullwing” coupe; both had hinged lift-up doors)
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Mercedes-Benz 300 SLR
Q: Why do writers avoid buying cameras made by Asahi Optical Co.?
A: They don’t want to pay the Pentax.
Q: What Leitz lens is a real dog?
A: The 50mm f/2.5 Leitz Hektor. Legendary Leitz optical designer Max Berek (who also designed the 50mm f/3.5 Elmar) named the Hektor after his pooch (true story!) It is pretty doggish at wide apertures but provides gorgeous vintage rendition when stopped down.
50mm f/2.5 Leitz Hektor, named for its designer Max Berek's dog!
Q: What do savvy camping photographers put on the floors of their tents to ensure a comfy night’s sleep?
A: A nice restful Yashica-Mat.
Yashica-Mat: Original model of c.1957
Q: What camera is the best match for follically challenged photographers?
A: The Balda (any model).
Balda Jubilette, German folding 35mm of the 1930s.
Q: Why didn’t Olympus introduce a special version of the Olympus Pen featuring image stabilization?
A: They’d have to call it the Pen IS.
Q: What’s the best camera for diehard chocolate lovers and emerging Girl Scouts?
A: Kodak Brownie
Q: What’s the best camera for photographers who play the ponies?
A: The Welta Superfekta (it’s a rare German folding twin-lens reflex of the 1930s.)
Welta Superfekta folding twin lens reflex could slide into a jacket pocket!
Q: What’s the best perambulator for photographers to push their infants around in?
A: The Baby Rollei.
Last Baby Rollei of c.1965. All Baby Rolleis took 4 x 4cm images on 127 film.
"Baby Rollei" This one is a classic high-end British pram for Rollei owners' tots.
Q: What’s the best camera for photographers who want to avoid using Preparation H?
A: The Rectaflex.
Rectaflex: Original Italian model, image by Antonio Calossi. Last Rectaflexes were made under different auspices in, of all places, Leichtenstein!
Q: What are best cameras for ophthalmologist photographers?
A: Kodak Retina and Retina Reflex
Q: What’s the most appropriate camera for photographers born in late March or early April?
A: Aires (any model).
Q: What’s the best camera Snow White can use to determine whether she’s really the fairest one of all?
A: Zeiss Miroflex (a high-grade folding, focal plane shutter SLR produced in 6.5 x 9 cm and 9 x 12 cm versions during the 1920s and '30s.)
Zeiss Ikon Miroflex. This is a late 9 x 12cm version that probably dates from the '30s.
Q: What’s the first and only 35mm SLR named after a steak sauce?
A: The Canon A-1
Canon A-1: Canon's multimode masterpiece was advertised as "hexaphotocybernetic." Oy!
A-1 Steak Sauce: Introduced in 1862 it's been around a lot longer than the Canon A-1!
Q: What cameras are favored by chanting Hindu Dharmic Masters?
A: Any Olympus OM.
Q: What do you call a kid who was born to be an optical designer?
A: A Lens Baby.
Q: What do you call a Russian 35mm Contax copy with no nameplate?
A: A Chicken Kiev.
"Chicken Kiev: It's the logo-less stealth version of the Kiev, a Russian Contax copy.
Q: What do photographers use to start their outboard motors?
A: A Rolleicord, and if that’s too big, try a Microcord (a nice old British 2-1/4 x 2-1/4 TLR).
Q: What camera works best for cuneiform writing on tablets?
A: The Olympus Stylus.
Q: What British camera was clearly aimed at nervous photographers?
A: The Agiflex (a British 2-1/4 SLR of the 1950s that was based on the German Reflex Korelle).
Agiflex: Rarish British 2-1/4 SLR of the 1950s
Q: What camera is best for photographers dedicated to preserving the Confederate monuments and honoring the Lost Cause?
A: Canon EOS Rebel.
Q: What’s the best camera to shoot with during an Apocalypse?
A: A Horseman. Any model or format will do as the world comes to a screeching halt, but how the hell will you get the film developed?
Horseman 980, a high-end 2-1/4 x 3-1/4 field/view camera.
Q: What’s the favorite soup of photographers that speak German?
A: linsensuppe, that is, lentil soup, the pun being that “linsen” is also the German word for “lenses.” Indeed, the English word “lens” also derives from the double convex form of the lentil bean (plural “lenti” in Italian) which is the same shape as a simple converging lens that can form an image. Now you know why your photography is full of beans! To take this to a higher level of absurd multilingual agony, what besides lentil beans do you need to make a good linsensuppe?
The answer: Rodenstock...aarrgh!
Ach du Lieber it's linsensuppe! Look at all those little lens-shaped beans. Mmmmm..Lekker!
Q: What was the best name ever for a lousy 3-element lens?
A: The Tri-Lausar, made by Tomioka Optical Co. in the ‘50s. Actually, it was merely mediocre, not really terrible. Example: The Japanese Toyoca 35-S had a 45mm f/2.8 Tri-Lausar Anastigmat lens.
They’re all cringeworthy and in Q & A format. Hope you Leica!
By Jason Schneider
Q: What’s the best exercise machine for photo enthusiasts?
A: The Rolleiflex
Q: What’s the best car for photographers?
A: For mainstream shooters: Ford Focus
For elite and pro shooters: Mercedes-Benz 300 SLR (the rare racing version of famed 300SL “gullwing” coupe; both had hinged lift-up doors)
Mercedes-Benz 300 SLR
Q: Why do writers avoid buying cameras made by Asahi Optical Co.?
A: They don’t want to pay the Pentax.
Q: What Leitz lens is a real dog?
A: The 50mm f/2.5 Leitz Hektor. Legendary Leitz optical designer Max Berek (who also designed the 50mm f/3.5 Elmar) named the Hektor after his pooch (true story!) It is pretty doggish at wide apertures but provides gorgeous vintage rendition when stopped down.
50mm f/2.5 Leitz Hektor, named for its designer Max Berek's dog!
Q: What do savvy camping photographers put on the floors of their tents to ensure a comfy night’s sleep?
A: A nice restful Yashica-Mat.
Yashica-Mat: Original model of c.1957
Q: What camera is the best match for follically challenged photographers?
A: The Balda (any model).
Balda Jubilette, German folding 35mm of the 1930s.
Q: Why didn’t Olympus introduce a special version of the Olympus Pen featuring image stabilization?
A: They’d have to call it the Pen IS.
Q: What’s the best camera for diehard chocolate lovers and emerging Girl Scouts?
A: Kodak Brownie
Q: What’s the best camera for photographers who play the ponies?
A: The Welta Superfekta (it’s a rare German folding twin-lens reflex of the 1930s.)
Welta Superfekta folding twin lens reflex could slide into a jacket pocket!
Q: What’s the best perambulator for photographers to push their infants around in?
A: The Baby Rollei.
Last Baby Rollei of c.1965. All Baby Rolleis took 4 x 4cm images on 127 film.
"Baby Rollei" This one is a classic high-end British pram for Rollei owners' tots.
Q: What’s the best camera for photographers who want to avoid using Preparation H?
A: The Rectaflex.
Rectaflex: Original Italian model, image by Antonio Calossi. Last Rectaflexes were made under different auspices in, of all places, Leichtenstein!
Q: What are best cameras for ophthalmologist photographers?
A: Kodak Retina and Retina Reflex
Q: What’s the most appropriate camera for photographers born in late March or early April?
A: Aires (any model).
Q: What’s the best camera Snow White can use to determine whether she’s really the fairest one of all?
A: Zeiss Miroflex (a high-grade folding, focal plane shutter SLR produced in 6.5 x 9 cm and 9 x 12 cm versions during the 1920s and '30s.)
Zeiss Ikon Miroflex. This is a late 9 x 12cm version that probably dates from the '30s.
Q: What’s the first and only 35mm SLR named after a steak sauce?
A: The Canon A-1
Canon A-1: Canon's multimode masterpiece was advertised as "hexaphotocybernetic." Oy!
A-1 Steak Sauce: Introduced in 1862 it's been around a lot longer than the Canon A-1!
Q: What cameras are favored by chanting Hindu Dharmic Masters?
A: Any Olympus OM.
Q: What do you call a kid who was born to be an optical designer?
A: A Lens Baby.
Q: What do you call a Russian 35mm Contax copy with no nameplate?
A: A Chicken Kiev.
"Chicken Kiev: It's the logo-less stealth version of the Kiev, a Russian Contax copy.
Q: What do photographers use to start their outboard motors?
A: A Rolleicord, and if that’s too big, try a Microcord (a nice old British 2-1/4 x 2-1/4 TLR).
Q: What camera works best for cuneiform writing on tablets?
A: The Olympus Stylus.
Q: What British camera was clearly aimed at nervous photographers?
A: The Agiflex (a British 2-1/4 SLR of the 1950s that was based on the German Reflex Korelle).
Agiflex: Rarish British 2-1/4 SLR of the 1950s
Q: What camera is best for photographers dedicated to preserving the Confederate monuments and honoring the Lost Cause?
A: Canon EOS Rebel.
Q: What’s the best camera to shoot with during an Apocalypse?
A: A Horseman. Any model or format will do as the world comes to a screeching halt, but how the hell will you get the film developed?
Horseman 980, a high-end 2-1/4 x 3-1/4 field/view camera.
Q: What’s the favorite soup of photographers that speak German?
A: linsensuppe, that is, lentil soup, the pun being that “linsen” is also the German word for “lenses.” Indeed, the English word “lens” also derives from the double convex form of the lentil bean (plural “lenti” in Italian) which is the same shape as a simple converging lens that can form an image. Now you know why your photography is full of beans! To take this to a higher level of absurd multilingual agony, what besides lentil beans do you need to make a good linsensuppe?
The answer: Rodenstock...aarrgh!
Ach du Lieber it's linsensuppe! Look at all those little lens-shaped beans. Mmmmm..Lekker!
Q: What was the best name ever for a lousy 3-element lens?
A: The Tri-Lausar, made by Tomioka Optical Co. in the ‘50s. Actually, it was merely mediocre, not really terrible. Example: The Japanese Toyoca 35-S had a 45mm f/2.8 Tri-Lausar Anastigmat lens.
