Not keen on contemporary art in general are you! As to "risible", you've just dismissed in its entirety the route art has taken since the Enlightenment.
It is the avant garde, those who spend their lives endeavouring to push the boundaries of human knowledge and creativity, that define our culture and directions within it - whether that be in science, art or any other human activity. This avant garde - whether professionals at work or gifted amateurs - drives the Establishment.
Within the Art Establishment, contemporary art is the mainstream: the movers and shakers in the art world - artists, academics, galleries, museums - consider concept and theory integral to art; craft is relevant only if it underpins the concept of an artwork - if it doesn't, why bother about composition or blown highlights for their own sake?
To say that this view of art is "unbelievably limited" and "disappeared up its own bum" is to dismiss the facts - that this idea of art is taught in every university, and every artist, museum or gallery interested in art relevant to the present subscribes to it.
Of course, everyone is entitled to their own preferences, so if you dislike contemporary art, that's fine. But to ignore it as an elitist irrelevancy of no worth is foolish. I own objects for no other reason than they're beautiful: do I consider them good art? No - but that doesn't prevent me appreciating them!
I've never understood this dismissive attitude towards art. Take science: you don't hear people saying, "Physics since Einstein and Heisenberg has gone up its own bum, what with quantum mechanics and uncertainty - clocks running slow, things being waves and particles at the same time ... Not relevant to the real world! Modern science – it's unbelievably limited! I only like Newtonian physics!"
If you consider art to be a way of exploring and expressing the world we live in, then, like science, you need to accept that it evolves.
To finish, since this is a thread about portraits, here's a self-portrait (craft not needed!), "Dancing in Peckham", by Gillian Wearing, among the most influential and important British living artists. This piece is about making visible our internal self, which we usually keep hidden, by expressing it in an inappropriate public space, raising questions about personal identity and how we relate to others, and them with us. (Incidentally, this piece of contemporary art went down a storm with the residents of Peckham (a deprived, working-class suburb of London) - who loved it!)
http://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/video/2012/mar/26/gillian-wearing-dancing-peckham-video