Although living in NYC you sound you would relate more to Dick Proenneke, that fellow who at age 50 moved to a remote location in Alaska, built a cabin, and lived there alone until his 80's. His contact with the rest of world was an occasional visit by bush pilots using float planes to land on the nearby lake.
Z,
I think my upbringing is very conflicted. I was born in 1958, and in the 1960 Census there were less than 238K Asians in the U.S. (about half were Chinese).
Racism was different. My dad only was one of 1428 Chinese who were allowed to become an Naturalized American citizen because of a loophole in the Chinese Exclusion act of 1885 because of his service in the U.S. Army during WWII. My dad was an illegal immigrant here for about 15 years prior to that.
I grew up during the Vietnam era looking like the enemy, but realize I grew up in the Long Island suburbs where we did not fit in. The first thing I learned in kindergarden was how to fight. By the third grade I was good at it.
So I learned to defend myself and was forced to deal with potential violence that could happen at any time. Add on top of that that I learned later in life that really I am a product of culture and my surroundings, and I one day discovered that I'm a white boy trapped in an Asian body with a very confused identity.
I don't speak Chinese, and the harsh reality is that I fill a grey inbetween area a place where I never feel I belong. Because I don't speak Chinese I'm kinda excommunicated. I only reinforced the Asian stereotype because it was a path of least resistance where I was allowed to succeed.
Tom Bro-Cough recently insulted Hispanics and makes a comparision to Asians that they should have the same values and work ethic. I too feel insulted as an Asian because his profiling of Asians I take exception to and are just as racist.
Not sure everyone can realize the limitations placed on groups of people that is everyday for some.
I was trained in art school as a studio artist. This involved creating skill, discipline, and expending mucho time pursuing the arts and one's craft. This is a very solitary thing to do, but very exhilerating. I find this type of artistic solitude very fulfilling, and it is so complete that I think I don't need much more to be happy. In a Welcome to Marwin manner I kinda create a safe place of my own invention where I basically live in a bubble and not the real world.
Having a relationship (been with my gal for over 20 years) means not being so selfish and involves compromise. A way to explain this is when traveling alone and shooting alone, verses trying to shoot in another country with your gal in tow. Sharing your life has its own merits.
Cal
