Discretion - I have none

[HLing]

I don't know if anyone else have this problem, but it's a problem and is putting a damper on the photographing experience. I'm wondering if you all can help?

It's been good practice taking pictures at events. It's especially nice to capture joyful moments and special light, and sometimes BOTH. More and more though, I'll get feedback that someone doesn't like how he/she looks in the picture, and how could I post a picture when it "clearly" isn't a good picture of so and so. It still takes me several times looking at said picture to realize that maybe this person thinks it makes him or her... "look fat", or "like I have a big nose"...etc. And then suddenly, the joy of the capture is deflated, and I just feel like such a terrible person.

Am I insensitive? Is there a way for me to know better what people might find offensive?

 

[Harry S.]

No, people are just insecure. There must be a fulcrum between subject and photographer.

 

[back alley]

you can't let that stuff bother you.

 

[redisburning]

are they paying you to take their portrait/make them look good?

if not then maybe they should be quiet....

 

[Haigh]

I think Harry S. Said it well. Many people are insecure. One of my better portaits was acknowledged by the person as a good photo but she still asked me not to publish it. I didn't. I also suppose that there are so many Photoshopped images of people out there that some people may consider them to be how they should look: glamorous. There are people who are so unself conscious that it is easy to take a really good phot oof them. Other people seem to shrivel in front of the camera. Insecurity as Harry S. said.

 

[Paolo Bonello]

This might seem a little obvious but you're not shooting a wide angle lens are you? They aren't that flattering for portraits. Big noses, fat heads, fat arms at the edge of the frame all sounds a bit like a sub 50mm lens. If not then I'm with others, people are generally insecure and have little experience looking at and appreciating themselves in photographs.

 

[tmfabian]

it's a combination of insecurity and a preconceived notion of what someone should look like in a photograph (some people will think any photograph of them not staring directly at the camera and putting on a cheesy grin is terrible simply because they don't think any thing else classifies as a portrait) When photographing for clients these days, I show them EVERYTHING, because you simply can not know what their taste is...if i'm photographing for myself, i send them a photograph they like, then scrap it out of my own edit.

 

[pinkarmy]

are they paying you to take their portrait/make them look good?

if not then maybe they should be quiet....

for me, the more important question is:
Do you want them to look "good"?

more:
Do you like how they look in your pictures?
is it how you see them as they are?

Do you take pictures to please them? or please yourself?

And, finally:
Are you pleased with your pictures?

 

[Chris101]

I don't know if anyone else have this problem, but it's a problem and is putting a damper on the photographing experience. I'm wondering if you all can help?

It's been good practice taking pictures at events. It's especially nice to capture joyful moments and special light, and sometimes BOTH. More and more though, I'll get feedback that someone doesn't like how he/she looks in the picture, and how could I post a picture when it "clearly" isn't a good picture of so and so. It still takes me several times looking at said picture to realize that maybe this person thinks it makes him or her... "look fat", or "like I have a big nose"...etc. And then suddenly, the joy of the capture is deflated, and I just feel like such a terrible person.

Am I insensitive? Is there a way for me to know better what people might find offensive?

I get the same thing, from my female friends. I don't get it:

 

[Paolo Bonello]

Gallery pic of the week. Absolute gold. 🙂

 

[Rayt]

Could it be they don't want their faces out there for strangers to see? Do you ask for your friend's permission before posting?

 

[Chris101]

Could it be they don't want their faces out there for strangers to see? Do you ask for your friend's permission before posting?

Sharing the picture is not the issue Ray. It's that you took it at all: "Why would you take a picture of me looking like that?"

I can't answer for HLing, but in my case, I can offer no excuse.

 

[Keith]

I put a picture of a friend of mine in the gallery and she hated it when she saw it ... seriously hated it and tore strips of me for taking it!

She's a person I would never point a camera at again in a social situation.

 

[thegman]

I don't know if anyone else have this problem, but it's a problem and is putting a damper on the photographing experience. I'm wondering if you all can help?

It's been good practice taking pictures at events. It's especially nice to capture joyful moments and special light, and sometimes BOTH. More and more though, I'll get feedback that someone doesn't like how he/she looks in the picture, and how could I post a picture when it "clearly" isn't a good picture of so and so. It still takes me several times looking at said picture to realize that maybe this person thinks it makes him or her... "look fat", or "like I have a big nose"...etc. And then suddenly, the joy of the capture is deflated, and I just feel like such a terrible person.

Am I insensitive? Is there a way for me to know better what people might find offensive?

Such a common problem. Whilst often I don't like how I look in photos, some people have such a reaction that it makes you not want to photograph them at all.

I'd say, if it's not too much trouble, and you care about these people's opinions, perhaps ask them to select a photo out of what you took, and you're absolved of blame.

If you have problems with particular people, simply stop using pictures of them. Their vanity may mean they don't want imperfect photos of themselves to be posted, but it will also probably make them not want to be left out either, and they may come to be a little more reasonable about what photos may be used.

 

[Turtle]

The problem is that everyone wants to look like the celebs in Hello magazine, or similar. Such magazines depict endless C list celebs who used to be nobodies but became famous because they started dating a footballer or sitcom actor. They removed the gulf between the average person and 'celebrity photos.' People have become obsessed with their own image, esp when in the public domain. Hell, look at some people's facebook habits: some create shrines to themselves.

Unless you are taking the photos to make people feel less insecure, then stop caring what they think. After all, are you not taking photos to give feel for the events? If you allow your activities to become all about them you are on a very slippery slope and your photography will become much more difficult. Be sympathetic when you can (and obviously don't publicly use anything humiliating), but don't worry about it otherwise.

Can you imagine if Henri Cartier Bresson tried to do what he did while working in the caveat "I must make everyone look truly beautiful"? He'd have a portfolio of about ten photos.

 

[SimonSawSunlight]

I don't take photographs of how people would like to see themselves, but of how given forms look from a certain perspective in a precise moment. really, you don't need to worry so much. also, Turtle makes a good point.

 

[Paolo Bonello]

I put a picture of a friend of mine in the gallery and she hated it when she saw it ... seriously hated it and tore strips of me for taking it!

She's a person I would never point a camera at again in a social situation.

Or you could do her a favour and point a camera at her EVERY time you see her! Send prints to her in Christmas cards every year.

 

[wgerrard]

If they are family or friends, you really can't stop caring what they think. Find their comfort level and go with it. Maybe they don't mind being photographed, but don't want their picture posted. Maybe they want veto power. Maybe they'll just say don't take my picture.

A few people have good reasons, other than insecurity, for wanting to keep their pictures off the net. They probably aren't going to tell you those reasons. Otherwise, for strangers you won't see again, I say have at it.

 

[zauhar]

Only photograph strangers.

Randy

 

[jsrockit]

I get the same thing, from my female friends. I don't get it:

RFF Post of the Year 2011!