I totally understand, Koven. I'm feeling much the same right now.
For me, the problem is that I graduated last September. Since then I've had to deal with my friends moving away, myself moving back to a place which I hate, and a broken foot that is seriously threatening my ability to continue to do an activity I've done since I was 12 (skateboarding, for the record).
Add into that a long stint of unemployment that has killed my original post-uni plans, and looking back on my photos of the last three years is pretty painful; I know that never again will all those people I love be living in the same place, and that those brilliant three years have gone, never to return.
A man named Scott Bourne once wrote "I have chosen a life of memory. I am obsessed with both the beauty and horror the world has allowed me. More often than not it is the same memory that not only brings me complete joy, but also such pain, due to the knowledge of its departure. A realization that I may never know those joys again has now become the basis for pain." That sums it up better than I ever could.
But times move on and times change. And I've spent the best part of 3 months sitting on my arse, injured and unemployed, and trying to cling on to the past. The future (and the struggle to get started on it) scares the hell out of me. But it's my future, and I'm going to start making it. I just don't know exactly how yet.
