Happy Birthday Calzone!

[Calzone]

Congrats from Thailand as well

photo taken 10 years ago when I visit NYC and had opportunity to join RFF meet.

J,

Kinda funny how back then I was a skinny bitch.

I'm still kind of a funny looking guy.

Look at that fat and ugly neck on a skinny guy. That is from lugging gear.

For me age has always been a state of mind.

Cal

 

[Calzone]

Here is a shot of Cal when he was still "38". It was at a meetup in the Czech Beer garden in Astoria. He walked across the bridge with an an over sized print book on a hand cart. Why do things big if you could do them bigger?
Happy Birthday Cal.

I only have three regrets: one is I wish I never smoked; I wish I had used sunscreen; and I wish I still had my 84 Jeep Scrambler half cab that I had installed a Corvette engine.

I abused my skin and a lot of the wear and tare could have been avoided. Know that I often got scorched and burned by sunbathing and fishing.

BTW "Maggie" hated my Jeep.

The backstory of that photo is that I am wearing a mucho loud tie-die shirt that was from Woodstock 2. During that time of the NYC Meet-Up Woodstock 3 had just been canned.

I resembled Carlos Santana from 1969 who was only 13 when he played at Woodstock.

BTW "Maggie" hates that shirt. I take no insult that she hates my style or my lack of style. If anything not having any style is my style. I find this funny. Anyways "Maggie" the fashion queen is M-bare-ished and at time has me dress up.

It bothers her that I have a closet full of Paul Smith that I don't wear out that often.

Augie

 

[Calzone]

Cal, I was going by your tongue-in-cheek Spanglish. I'm pleased to know you once had such good command of the language and that you should be able to recover it fairly easily. Do carry on!

- Murray

Murray,

"Maggie" went to Catholic School, so it really bothers her how I butcher languages, make up words, or define new meanings.

Even though I have a MFA in Creative Writing, I am still a hack who can't spell or type.

So my spin on my free expression is that as a person of color it is oppressive for a non person of color to correct my grammar, pronunciation, or other forms of butchering communications.

I deem it is part of my culture to have my own way/form of expression and that in fact it is my duty to innovate language and create slang as a minority.

I then bring up Jazz, Hip-Hop, the blues...

Then I tell her, "Don't oppress me."

Boy am I annoying. LOL.

Interesting to note how much American culture is adopted and co-opted from the fringe. In slave culture the blues were outlawed; Hip-Hop was born in the Bronx; and Jazz well is Jazz.

BTW when I got my MFA in Creative Writing no one understood my writing. I got mucho rejections...

But two events made me put my writing on the side: one was I sent a story to the Hudson Review. I was deeply annoyed because a lot of time had eclipsed/lapsed and not even a rejection letter. I was pretty angry and was ready to write a nasty letter when finally I got a response.

Paula Deitz the Editor of the Hudson Review like my story, wanted to publish it, and passed it onto the review board.

So getting published in The Hudson Review can change your life. Publishers and agents will track you down, so basically you can become an insider within a "Gated" industry.

So rapture happened and I see that I likely am going to have a life altering event, but then the review board rejected my story in the end. This is "Gate-Keeping" at its best. In the end work from the fringe gets filtered out.

Another writing opportunity was with the Breadloaf Writers' Conference in Vermont. I submitted a story and got notified I was put on the "shortlist," meaning if someone who got accepted cancelled I would be able to attend.

Being able to attend Breadloaf would mean two weeks of being courted and groomed by editors, publishers and agents where you would be meeting, socializing, and eating with all the power brokers.

Understand that at Breadloaf you have to be invited to attend and only about 235 people get invited every year.

So you have to understand that I have entertained these elite "gated" universes.

I have a 4 year degree from an art school and in the 70's and 80's I was a painter. I went of O.K. Harris, a gallery on West Broadway, a few doors down from Leo Castellie, and Mary Boone's Gallery.

Ivan Karp was an art dealer who set up O.K. Harris, and formally he worked for Leo Castellie. Mr. Karp said he liked my slides, and to come back when I had more.

My response lacked enthusiam, and Mr Karp picked up on it. I took it as a polite rejection.

"When I say I like your work, I mean it. Tell me you'll come back and show me more work," he said.

So when I did, I took his criticism wrong.

"You have too many ideas," he said and then expressed that I needed to unify my work, which I took as making my work a commodity so it could be sold.

I was in my early 20's, but I made a decision to remain true to myself and not be a whore. That is why I knew I needed to get a day-job and take care of myself.

In the end the payoff is my secure retirement, my health, and my ability to have a bad attitude.

Fug the gate keepers.

John Goodman was asked when the Roseann scan-DELL came about if he is disappointed that he never got an M-E Award. I found his response to be profound. He said I have been nominated 7 times for an Emmy and never got one, and if has not happened by now it likely never will.

Much respect for John Goodman because he did not comment or respond to the Roseann Controversy also. He did not need any outside recognition for his work.

I accept that I will remain under the radar. For me that is where true art lays, on the fringe where people without vision can't see it.

Like John Goodman I'm not bitter. All I can say it is what it is.

For the ultimate story about gate-keeping read about Janet Gunthry, the first woman to race in the Indy 500. It is crushing how she was kept out and discriminated against.

As far as being a bono-fied "Drama-Queen" for over a decade I also was a performance artist.

Know that Calzone, Augie, Calvin-August all are a persona. In real life I am a loner who perhaps is happiest alone. It seems being widely known somehow is incidental. I stand out in a crowd, and for some reason I seem to draw out the crazies.

"Takes one to know one," I say. LOL.

Cal

 

[CMur12]

Cal, first of all, let me emphasize that I have noted your experience and feelings about being a person of color, your creative use of language, and the effect of outside criticism from those who want you to conform to the majority.

We may agree on the following: In my own case, having studied languages and linguistics, I see standard language as a starting point. I see formulated grammars and dictionaries as attempted descriptions of current use, not to be regarded as prescriptions therefor.

I believe that "poetic license"/"coloring outside the lines of established grammar"/creative application of speech can extend the expressive potential of a language exponentially, as even the tiniest variation in applied language offers nuances of expression not possible by sticking exclusively to grammatical orthodoxy.

Additionally, most Americans do not speak more than one language, so I commend you for being a part of the polyglot minority.

- Murray

 

[Calzone]

Cal, first of all, let me emphasize that I have noted your experience and feelings about being a person of color, your creative use of language, and the effect of outside criticism from those who want you to conform to the majority.

We may agree on the following: In my own case, having studied languages and linguistics, I see standard language as a starting point. I see formulated grammars and dictionaries as attempted descriptions of current use, not to be regarded as prescriptions therefor.

I believe that "poetic license"/"coloring outside the lines of established grammar"/creative application of speech can extend the expressive potential of a language exponentially, as even the tiniest variation in applied language offers nuances of expression not possible by sticking exclusively to grammatical orthodoxy.

Additionally, most Americans do not speak more than one language, so I commend you for being a part of the polyglot minority.

- Murray

Murry,

Thanks for the support and adding to create a dialog.

I have a very confused identity: Basically I am a white boy trapped in an Asian body.

Even though my genes are Asian, I have a biracial identity, and because of wealth I can "pass" for white. Racism is kinda funny that way.

On one hand I know privalage and entitlement, but I will not forget poverty, racism and blatant discrimination that I also have experienced.

This is very difficult to resolve...

Kinda funny that I ended up being an Asian stereotype, but like John Goodman I should get an Emmy for playing the part. For a decade I was a performance artist and have performed at Second Stage Theater off Broadway, and at The Joseph Papp Public Theater, but perhaps the best performance I have ever done was to play and game society to portray someone who I never was or who I am not: I played the stereotype and did very well.

Although I am good in math and science, my abstract mind and intelligence is of a creative mind. Am I a sell out because I didn't run with the ball to try to make it big?

All I know is that I disappointed many people who mentored me because they recognized talent and an individual who has all the right stuff.

Anyways I see this as a loss to society, and in a way it made my life more authentic. I know who I am and what I'm capable of.

My biggest fear growing up was killing someone because of all the rage and anger inside of me. I had problems with depression, but I learned to channel that energy into the arts. I have always been a driven person who stands alone.

That is why a former Navy SEAL saw in me a man who not only had the ideal body size/type but also the right attitude and intellect to be a great Navy SEAL.

Sadly escaping poverty and oppression is a great skill, but not everyone lives to survive. In a ways I am the classic New York story...

Sometimes I wonder if I am a sell-out. I promoted the stereotype by playing the role, but deep down I know that is not who I am or what I was meant to be. In a way I only became what society allowed me to be.

Now that I will be retiring soon I can say, "Ha-ha." and be happy with the choice I made. I enjoyed artistic freedom my way and did not compromise myself.

Cal