In a slump.

rbiemer

rbiemer

Unabashed Amateur
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Sep 17, 2004
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Cortland, NY
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Frustrated.:bang: :bang:
By my gear.:bang:
By my photos.:bang:
By the weather.:bang:
By my job.:bang:
I know it's only temporary, but dern🙂rolleyes: ) this past couple of weeks have been annoying.
For the "Shoot All Day For the Equinox" project, I shot three rolls of film--one BW and two slide. And don't like any of the results. Some of this is that I usually take photos for myself but I had the thought in my head that these were "important". Tried to dismiss that dumb idea but couldn't quite escape it. I didn't throw anything away and, hopefully, when I lok at them again in a month or two, I'll find one or two worthwhile.
Recently got a Canon P. Nice camera. CLA'ed and it works just as it should. But I don't have a 35mm lens I can use on it right now. And this camera cries out for a decent 35.
The underlying thing is that the place I've worked for the last 12 or 13 years is closing. I'll get another job. But I can't get the feeling of mourning out of me.
One of the joys of having photography as a hobby has been that it is a release from the stress/pressure of my job. It is a way to be creative for myself instead of for other people. And right now that isn't working for me.
Not so many years ago, I would've responded to this situation by throwing myself into booze and pot and chasing women. Now, though, one martini after work is fine. Smoke holds no appeal for me. And I'm still chasing the woman who picked me--maybe I'll just take a trip in June. Me and a couple of "one time use" 35mm cameras. Get some other folks to cook for me for a change.
OK, I'm done whining. We now return you to the regularly scheduled smart ass that I am.
Rob
 
Sounds like a funk, Rob, and you need a break. Things are changing for you, there's that bit of insecurity/worry at the back of your thoughts... Might read a book to divert your attention, a mystery, western, or sci-fi... Odd how you can pick up insights/ideas that way; a shift of gears.
 
That sucks, Rob. But keep your chin up. Things change. All you need to do is bide your time. In the meantime, forget the cameras and put time in museums, books, etc. Try to get your mind off of your job and camera tribulations. 🙂
 
Hey Rob sorry to hear this. Been there myself. I made the mistake of waiting for my job to come to an end... that wait was painful.... looking back I now think I should have taken action and got another job without waiting.
 
Rob, I am originally from Ithaca, just down the road from you. Perhaps, a move my do some good ? You can look at it two ways: Something bigger and better is coming your way ( that's the way I choose ) or ..........not ( never choose this option ). I"ve been in the Boston area 20+ years and just got layed off myself. I looked into relocation back to the Ithaca, ny area and there is very little opportunity. Yes, the country side is beautiful and fishing is great and especially love the country bars ! I'm not sure what kind of work you do however, I know there is much more out there ! Life is good. Look up not down and enjoy. Do the things that you love and stay away from the bummers. I wish you well, Randy Scott
 
Rob,
Firstly, I think you are nearer a solution than is usually the case when people describe such problems on this forum. Secondly, everyone here will have shared - or shares your predicament.
I think you are right to relate troubles with photography - and not least with your gear - to the wider situation in your life. The two are very closely related, which is why I think the advice often given to people in a creative slump ("use a toy camera", "photograph chickens" etc. etc...), whilst always well-meaning, is in itself not a great help, although it may be part of the solution.

The advice given so far is extremely good, because all of it tends to lift you into new areas, interests and opportunities. My feeling is that a new job and circumstances will change things for the better: there are few things less comfortable than knowing that old certainties are ending.

I would also add one thing, where photography itself can be a help. You may have heard of Ralph Hattersley, a very eminent teacher of and writer on photography in the 1960s and 70s. A google will quickly reveal just how many leading photographers pay tribute to his transformative influence and ideas.

Hattersley wrote a huge and extremely unusual book called "Discover Yourself Through Photography". To put it very crudely, he saw photography as a means, not an end: the latter was full self-expression, self-knowledge, call it what you will. The advantage of photography was that it enabled you to see how you saw the world and identify what you would like to change with regard to the way that you and it related.

Now, one might easily dismiss this as a lot of 1960s fluff, except that I think it is true. Looking at some of my recent photographs I can see my own attitudes accurately reflected. For example, this picture -
http://www.rangefinderforum.com/photopost/showphoto.php?photo=53096&ppuser=2846
was taken at a time when I was thinking of a series of deaths in my immediate family and was concerned that I had not moved on from that period. I think the picture quite accurately reflects how I felt.

So: it could be an idea to see why you dislike your current photographs, because perhaps that can help identify problems and so lead to their resolution.

All the best, Ian
 
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We all experience this. It's a part of being an artist.

Personally, I usually pick up a book called 'Art & Fear' about just this situation, and I go to a ceramics exhibition or a ballet performance or something.
 
Thanks, folks!
Rationally I do know this will pass, it's just a P.I.T.A. for now.
Shutterflower, you probably should not watch "Sunset Boulevard" anytime soon! I have moved for similar reasons before and have realized that no matter where I go, I'm still there.
Doug, Haven't bought any sci-fi in a while--everytime I look, I find 9000 books that are "part 3 of 27" and none of 'em are very good but I do read Analog. And you're right about the change of perspective.
RML, there aren't many museums close but I am hoping to get to a couple of exhibitions in May--road trips with Dad, actually. And I am about half way through Gordon Parks' autobiography; that has given me a little better perspective!
wintoid, I made a commitment to the boss that I will stay to the end(and I'll be rewarded for that) and have no doubts about that decision.
mactansblue, welcome aboard! Ithaca is a pretty cool city. I am not with out opportunities here in CNY(I'm a chef by trade) and likely will only be with out a job for as long as I choose. But family is here and I'm not willing to live too far away from them anymore--I lived all over the western US for a long time before coming back home. Don't regret that but I don't want to repeat it either.
Ian, thanks for the book recommendation! And thank you for the back story about that photo of yours! And you are correct that the other stuff happening now is influencing how I relate to my hobby. Which is why I rarely discard any negatives(photographic ones, I mean! I don't hold grudges!) but will certainly put them away for a while and come back to them with fresh or different eyes/expectations.
Jon, another good book suggestion! Don't know that I feel comfortable calling myself an artist, though--suddenly my hobby becomes too serious, perhaps. Though, maybe, I'll start playing the "angst filled artist" more. Except the woman I'm seeing might object a little.😀
As I said, this does feel rather whiny but the folks I work with are mostly useless to discuss this with--I know all the rumors about the restaurant and don't care to rehash those endlessly, my family is supportive but not especially helpful about the "here and now"--several are telling me stuff like"now you can go back to college and get a real job." Now that's helpful.:bang:
And not a one gets it about this hobby of mine and why it is so important to me.
Thanks again for letting me vent a little!
Rob
 
rbiemer:


I nearly fell off my chair when you said you are not an artist! Of course you are. And a good one at that. I went into your gallery just now to remind myself of your good work.

Do go to some visual art exhibitions and see how others express themselves, and then go out and make your own photos in your own way. It doesn't matter whether other people like them or not. All that is important is that you like your own work.
 
Hi Rob,

Yes, I have been there as well. 1978 was the worst year of my life: how to use my hard-won engineering degree, despite not wanting grad school or a 9-5 job, no love to share it with, "no direction home." Anyway, I agree with the premise of Hattersly as explained here by Jocko: I think photographing things to reflect how you feel inside may be an excellent way to understand and work through this "slump." Hey, that's photography to most of us: a way to show the world how we feel. By doing so, you'll apply your passion as a photographer to the journey, not the end result. And that is huge. Hey, try it. Walk around with the camera, any camera, and find something that sparks even a tiny bit of interest, and photograph it in light that reflects your mood (right now it sounds like you should photograph a brick wall in black & white in dark subtle light-and that's fine). There are no right or wrong answers here, but it is worth a try, yes?

Anyway, we are all here in this community to listen and support each other. Whiney? Not at all to these ears. Thanks for sharing. And when I get home this evening, I'll check to see if I have a Canon 35 lens for you to use...I think I have a 35mm f 2.8 LTM lens. I'll look.

Hang in there, one step at a time, and one photo at a time. And, really, the glass is half full: you are young, healthy, and on the brink of a new job and a new chapter. And think of all the understanding of yourself this slump will bring-that is exciting!
 
Jon, I am happy to be an artist just not so comfortable calling myself one--I've known too many people who were adamant that they were and never hesitated to remind you of it!
bobkonos,"And think of all the understanding of yourself this slump will bring-that is exciting!"Oh goody! More "character building" as my dad called stuff like this. And in recent years I have learned that the man is right much more often than not so I am taking that positively!
And thanks for the kind offer!
Best,
Rob
 
Rob, I just saw this thread last night. I had no idea that you're a chef! My wife's near-obsessive involvement with fine cooking has taught me very deep respect for the art, craft, and tremendously hard work involved. She's often said that while she loves cooking, the demands of cooking in a restaurant would be even more than dealing with classes full of demanding students.

I'm very sorry to hear that the restaurant is closing. That's bound to be a source of sadness and anxiety from the disruption, even if (when) good things come from the changes and new challenges. Of course I tried to think of something cheering to say when I read your news, but it is a loss.

I was so interested to see that you might take some road trips with your father. I don't mean this as a "count your blessings" note -- really -- but that sounds like a wonderful thing to be able to do.

Anyway, Wanda and I are rooting for you and the great cause of good cooking!

Best,

Michael

P.S. That balky Kiev you sent me has become one of my favorite cameras, so thank you again. And I'm going to get the rangefinder right on that Seagull yet!

P.P.S. The 12th-century Zen master Dogen Eihei, by the way, chose the subject of cooking for one of his greatest texts, "Instructions for the Chef." Somebody's translated it with the slightly-off title, "How to Cook Your Life." There's a metaphor!
 
mjflory said:
P.S. That balky Kiev you sent me has become one of my favorite cameras, so thank you again. And I'm going to get the rangefinder right on that Seagull yet!

P.P.S. The 12th-century Zen master Dogen Eihei, by the way, chose the subject of cooking for one of his greatest texts, "Instructions for the Chef." Somebody's translated it with the slightly-off title, "How to Cook Your Life." There's a metaphor!
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Michael,
Thanks!
I knew that Kiev deserved a better chance! Any thoughts about recovering it? Or did/are you going to use the peeling skin that was on it?
And I think I'll look for that master's text. Is the text translated better than the title? Dunno if I would call the translation "off" as much as I think "surreal"--personally I want my life to have been long simmering, spicy, and well done by the time I'm finished with it!😀
Best,
Rob
 
ya know what I do when im in a slump, first get really wasted with the gf (dont look kids) then grab my camera and blast off a bunch of photos, like 3 rolls of film. She is a photographer too so it helps to get though it. Then after she gets over her hangover (I never get them for some reason) develop the photos, and laugh at all the stupid things we did, show it to everyone else, let them laugh at us, and with everyone spirits up everything feels better.


My gf is in a bit of a slump now too, her photos are at a stand still. So I did the nice thing and am teaching her the greatest lesson any photography needs to know, "SHOOT PHOTOS DAMNIT!!!". I bought her a box of Era 100 film. When I mean box I dont mean roll, I mean 400 rolls. We are going to split it and do a 3 month "you must shoot at least 1 roll a day or dont come home" thing.

Sorry for any colorful language up there, its late.
 
hi.
A decade ago stuff broke through which I had dee'nied for 40 years ... therapy helped , but the underlying boy/girl confusion / dee fusion and the lostness diagnosed as dee's association and dee' realisation remains - as it has been forever .
it can't be fixed , it's like mind tinitus / astigmatism - and it was dee ficult to cope with the finality of it all - two gender tortured friends , in the last 12 months decided enough was enough - so they ain't here anymore .
They did not have the toys or the career , or just the luck that I have .
Yet , i have survived my major client dropping me without warning , so I had to sell myself to other companies - as a visualiser for Interior Design companies - [ also helping out with impossible spaces ? ] , the writing is on the wall for my future - thanks to these pesky computers !
I have tried to sell my baby name paintings - see '' daisymeidoodles.co.uk . - not art , but hopefully a window for retirement .
I have wasted so much money in 6 months on Leicas and derivatives , simply because they keep the chaos at bay .
6 months ago , I went on a rare holiday - I don't do change , or uncertainty - and my Leica IIIc and pair of black Fed ' Leicas ' kept me together .
I had not taken any real photos for decades - but the little sqinty cameras kept a contained a confusing world and made me want to make magic slide shows again
I have also got through redundacy - when younger - when someone said '' We are only looking for brilliant designers '' I just said that I am the best around - if I wasn't , I had not lost anything ! I got the job !
The fact that you can scream at what's happening in this forum means that you are coping - but please return to taking pics 'cos you WANT TO , not 'cos of some expectation , or to prove something - it don't work !
There are few spaces that I would admit all this - [ autistic forums aside ] but , having hidden ''me '' for 60 years , I have got to the point that if people are gonna put me down [ as many have over the years , 'cos i can be stupid / awkward / distant / odd ] - better that they abuse'' me '' , for who I am - not someone they assume me to be .
Let it all happen ,it's gonna do anyway - but don't let it beat you !
crazee dee
 
In a slump

In a slump

Rob, I believe it always helps to share your feelings with others who have been in the same boat as you and it will make you feel better to get their support...

My wife could always tell when things weren't running smoothly in the office; I was sullen, difficult and taking it out on her...

Just remember: Tomorrow will be better...
 
rbiemer said:
I knew that Kiev deserved a better chance! Any thoughts about recovering it? Or did/are you going to use the peeling skin that was on it?
Click to expand...

I'm thinking about it... It deserves something nice. Did you notice that it was already partly recovered? The trim on the top part of the back (the part that doesn't come off when you load the camera) has a different texture (and is less worn). I've been browsing CameraLeather's site... I learned a few things recovering the FED 2 a while ago. (For example, that I'm an impatient klutz.) But I didn't learn enough to keep me from trying again!😀

rbiemer said:
And I think I'll look for that master's text. Is the text translated better than the title? Dunno if I would call the translation "off" as much as I think "surreal"--personally I want my life to have been long simmering, spicy, and well done by the time I'm finished with it!😀
Click to expand...

Yeah!

I'd never seen that translation before I did an Amazon search on Dogen and found it. I must have learned about the original text when I read an interview somewhere with Tetsugen Bernard Glassman, who is a Zen master in Riverdale near here. He is also the founder of Greyston Bakery, which has become a very successful operation (and their pastries and breads are fantastic!). He and Rick Fields wrote a book called "Instructions to the Cook" but I see that it's not a translation but an original work in itself, with some of the story of the Greyston Bakery. Now, don't complain: I just ordered two copies from Amazon and one's headed your way. I've never read it; it could be awful, but I doubt it, as Roshi Bernie is wonderful.

To ramble on further, but come back full circle a bit: I know about Bernard Glassman because he was a student of Taizan Maezumi Roshi. Another of his students, John Daido Loori, is the abbot of Zen Mountain Monastery in Mt Tremper, NY. He is a very inspiring photographer, and was a student of Minor White, whose work I've also admired for many years. As work and all the rest have gotten more all-consuming I've drifted away from ZMM and its city branch, doubtless to my loss, but it's a community that's very involved in the photography and other arts, holding photography workshops regularly, as a result of Daido's roots in the field.

Time for a cup of tea!
 
Some light at the end of the tunnel.
Had a talk with my boss today and there is finally something close to a specific date for the closing. That is a BIG relief!
And I have to thank all of you people who've been empathetic and supportive!
And I've been thinking about and have started a project for my self.
I'm going to slow down(not that I've ever been much of a "run and gun" photographer. And even less so with the Zorki. You try it with a knob wind camera!😀 ) for a bit and take one photo a day until either the restaurant closes or until I shoot the 36 frames of film I have loaded into the Canon now.
I'm going to shoot(photograph, I mean.😱 ) the building I work in and the people I work with. One frame a day, semi formal portraits of the people and "empty" photos of the building.
The building itself is 115 or 117 years old and there is some cool/odd/(hopefully) interesting parts of it. I almost want to find some flash bulbs to use in a old flashgun I got in some ebay lot or other for that part of my idea--very bright/stark lighting. Have to think about that a little.
Natural light for the people. Haven't quite decided about that part yet, but I'm thinking of asking them to all be in the same part of the restaurant--maybe out front if the weather breaks soon.
Dunno if I'll get anything worth sharing but the process ought to be useful in working out some of my feelings about all this. And the more deliberate pace should lead to some better photos.
Thanks again, folks!
Rob
 
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