Is there something wrong with this?

[shadowfox]

I happen to quite like the look.

Tell me, is there anything in those two pictures that is missing (tone-wise) that can radically improve the aesthetics?

Having said that, I agree with other who stated that for B&W, home developing is the best option. That doesn't mean I enjoy it, though.

 

[imush]

Yes, looks overexposed and/or overdeveloped. It is hard to know without the details on the lab developer and process used.

It may be that the negatives are too dense for the scanner, but they will [wet] print much better.

 

[marek_]

Looks like the lab have maxed out the sharpening and bumped up the contrast/brightness way too much.

The photos have an interesting look if you're going for that. But it sounds like the OP wanted some tone in there. Even if the neg is super contrasty, I'd expect there to be some greys in there.

Try rescanning them yourself - you'll have better control over the process thus final images.