My Wife Doesn’t Understand Film (Me)

[dazedgonebye]

My wife is frustrated with me. She doesn’t understand why I’m back to using film. She doesn’t understand why I keep trying different old cameras or why I’ve started developing my own film. She’s seen my frustration over things like forgetting to remove the darkslide or the lens cap. She remembers the time I spent a precious day off in the desert with a Graflex xlsw and came away without a single shot I liked. She doesn’t understand how I can print off a dozen black and white images and complain that they suck when they all look “good” and alike to her.
She thinks I should toss most of what I have and buy a new DSLR. She “authorized the expense” even.
To be fair, she has a skewed perspective of my photography experience. She really only hears about the screw ups and disappointments. The problem is partly the fact that I like to complain more than I should when I make mistakes. A bigger part of it though is the fact that she just doesn’t see photography as an art and doesn’t particularly like the images I make. After years of showing her prints or files I’m proud of, I’ve finally given up. Her reaction is always a very muted sort of “Oh yea, that’s nice.” Although I’ve sold a good number of prints, there are none on our walls at home.
In the end, I just got tired of showing things to her. Now, she only hears about photography when I’m frustrated, so naturally, she concludes that I need to change what I do so I won’t be frustrated.
I’ve tried to explain to her, that although the old cameras and film are “harder” than digital, I like the results better. I’ve tried to explain that the creative process is often frustrating, but that I even enjoy those frustrating parts.

She just no grok.

Of course, now I’m just trying to figure out how I can buy that DSLR without getting rid of my film stuff! 😀

 

[NathanJD]

Sounds very familiar friend - I often find drawing reference to the purchase of shoes helps, and showing interest in shoes when they come up in conversation, it may then be reciprocated and if it isn't you've got an excuse to demand serious attention.

P.S. just because some things are somewhat sexist, that does not make them untrue 😀

 

[michaelging]

It's the Arizona Heat, everyone is Frustrated with everything. I sometimes wonder why I spend lots of money on Film, carefully keep it cool, protect it from x-rays at the airport. Take my 36 photos , times 20 rolls of film. Mix the chemicals , cool the chemicals, measure the chemicals, use the chemicals and then dump the chemicals. I then dry the negs , sleeve the negs, edit the negs, scan the negs, burn the negs and process the negs, just to get to the point that I am when I take the flash card out of my work digital camera. If you really try and make logical sense out of that then I agree with your wife. I wonder why I do it as well, like I did over the past 3 day weekend. Its crazy making , but it does keep me off the streets and out of jail. I suggest selling blood to get your DSLR rather than selling your film cameras, or maybe a kidney.

 

[varjag]

Simple, Steve: suggest her you want M8 and show the pricetag, that will settle it for good. 🙂

 

[mackigator]

Purses.












(Rest of message typed to satisfy word quota)

 

[pesphoto]

MAybe next time she spends hours shopping and comes home to show you what she bought for herself, and complains about other shoppers, bad sales, etc,just shrug your shoulders and say, "eh, not bad"

Seriously, if she can see it makes you happy, if sometimes frustrated, that should be enough for her. MAybe make her a couple nice prints and hang them prominantly in the house so she can appreciate the fruits of your struggles.

 

[pesphoto]

When I first met my wife, she saw a series of prints I had made and asked me to make her copies so she could frame them and show them off in her apartment. This was just as we were begining to date...........she had me hooked!

 

[Steve Bellayr]

I take two types of pictures: Those that I take for everyone & those that I take for myself. Obviously, the everyone photos are of the family...wife loves those... & those for myself & those are for myself. Do not involve others in your decision making on photography.

 

[cjm]

dazedgonebye - since your wife likes the pictures you are not satisfied with, why not frame a few of those and put them up in your house? Most of the pictures I don't like are the one's in which my wife says "what's wrong with that one? Everyone's posed and not blinking." They are mostly posed portraits of family and friends and they're hung up all over the place in our apartment. Am I artistically satisfied with any of them? No, but my wife's happy. 🙂

I'm waiting until I buy a house so I can have a designated room to hang "my" pictures in. Do you have anything like that at your house?

 

[charjohncarter]

Steve, I've seen many of your (wonderful) images over the last almost two years. Many are of your family, she will be very happy when you and she are my age (66) that you have all these wonderful photos of your son and her.

Film: you just have to tell her that 'if you look at 10,000 images, you will understand the difference between developed (by yourself) and digital.'

Digital: you should probably do this before explaining about film, tell her 'I need a DSLR so I can work faster in pressure situations even though the quality is less.'

When my wife is paying the M/C bill, I look over her shoulder and tell her I'm getting a new camera. By the way how is the Pentax 6x7 doing. Mine is a dream. It drives her crazy almost as much when I take it out for family photos as when I used to take my 8000 pound '49 Desoto Woodie out when she had friends over.

 

[akptc]

Steve, listen to your wife. Life is much more fun with a good DSLR. I'd suggest Pentax K20D. Good luck 🙂

 

[NickTrop]

My wife is cool with the cameras - prefers the look to digital, likes the fact we have lots of prints, and really likes the black and whites and sometimes frames stuff she really likes...

But, she can't stand my love of:

- Gamera movies from the 60's
- Mexican wrestling movies from the same era
- Desire to make stinkin' love while wearing a luchadore mask

Chicks - if it ain't one thing it's another. Can't live wif'em, can't live wifout'em.

 

[M. Valdemar]

My wife has no idea whether my cameras are digital or film, how expensive they are, or anything else, nor does she care. She has zero interest in them and doesn't question what I do.

I take photos of her and the baby, and she likes them. When she really likes one I print it, and she sends some to her grandma in Japan.

I could buy a million cameras, and she could care less.

She has a Nikon Coolpix pocket digital camera that she likes because it's small. The only thing she knows about photography is how to push the button. She can't even charge the battery.

She wanted a "cool" camera once, so I gave her a black Canon XTi which is sufficiently cool looking. She takes very good photos with it. Great baby photos and food photos, better than a lot of mine.

 

[pachuco]

OMG! Dude, she "authorized" the purchase of a new DSLR!! Act now!! D700!! Be the envy of all the rest of us married guys 🙂

We have to take what we can get ya know.

 

[Rhoyle]

There's something we're missing here. That is the fact that dazedgoneby is often dissatisfied with his work. I think that's a good sign. When you're working on an artistic pursuit, and you're most often happy with your work, your standards are too low.

 

[Krosya]

Well, if your wife is Ok with a digital camera - go for it - get a Hassy with digital back 😉

 

[shimo-kitasnap]

Time to buy that Porsche .......... well no just kidding,

I have the same problem with my girlfriend, she thinks of me using film instead of digital, buying CDs and LPs instead of buying from i-tunes, driving a manual transmission car, and riding a fixed gear bicycle as arcane.

I've explained to her dozens of times that it's not arcane. I do it purely out of dissatisfaction of reliability of consumer electronics and anything made more complicated than it should be. My i-pod died after warranty and I fried my hard drive full of mp3s, unable to replace my music. My digital camera finally died too and its batteries can no longer hold a charge. The manual transmission bothers her because she's afraid to ride in my car in case she has to take the wheel during an emergency. I like it because it's fun, I'm getting to shift the gears and I save on gas just coasting around town in neutral (when I have the chance, hills for example.) The fixed gear bicycle flat out scares her to death and she will not give it a try. I ride that because it's fun, simple to maintain and a good workout.

Well, we're different and everyone's different and so are they're tastes and preferences. I'm an armchair economist and she wants to be a tenure track mathematician.

I think Alan Watts summed it up nicely with "Prickles and Goo"
see here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXi_ldNRNtM

She's for instant satisfaction, not having to think about it too much and has no artistic eye. If something goes wrong and can't be solved instantly she gets difficult. For her, if something breaks, she'll buy another of the same thing. She doesn't understand economics or the laws of supply and demand.

I prefer anticipation, being in control of processes and being able to affect outcomes. For me if something breaks, I'll try to fix it. I don't understand multi-variable calculus and am bad at anything involving numbers except for development times.

We still have lots of fun together though despite being so different.

Weird isn't it?

 

[dazedgonebye]

Thanks for all the suggestions guys.

I should note that I do take an interest in her work and hobbies. I just spent the 4 day weekend helping her set up her classroom, and i know more about quilting than is strictly proper for a manly man to know. 🙂

Her motivations are pure, but she is indifferent at best when it comes to photography. It should not bug me and ultimately I'll have to let go of it.
Mostly, I have to be sure she sees me getting pleasure out of what I do and minimize the complaining.

Pixtu,
I actually did tell her that today at lunch as an example of

 

[williams473]

I don't know man - maybe it's all the Jim Beam I've had tonight, but it seems a shame more of us RFF regulars are not just plain sympathetic. It took balls to post something as personal as that, and glib responses are the last thing I'd want. The worst thing one can experience in a creative endeavor is those closest to us not understanding what makes us motivated - it's rediculous to think someone who doesn't understand the base motivation for making a photograph - emotion and intellect - are simply thinking it is only the medium. She doesn't get the whole thing man - digital or fim it won't matter - having moved to a new city in the last year I feel the same discomfort at not having found friends yet who can encourage me - it's tough. Keep at it though. May be a great wife in every other respect - not everyone - even the best people - get why we are compelled to photograph. You show a real investment in photography, which goes way beyond what camera you are using.

 

[williams473]

Well it doesn't always have to be lovers. My wife is a painter thank God, which is one reason we were attracted to each other, so I don't have to explain why an image is out of focus for instance - she is familiar with the progress of Photography. But even if your lover isn't the closest to you (which is entirely possible) I think most photographers need someone in their life to validate them. Anyone who does anything with the idea of "showing it," has this compulsion to be validated. It's part of the artist's or craftsmens's makeup - to believe that what you are doing is worthy of other people seeing it - and to not have the validation of someone - doesn't have to be a lover - hurts. For years my best, childhood male friend was my most valued critic, and any photography I showed to him I showed with apprehension as to what he'd think, because he is an intelligent, schooled viewer. To be honest, now that we live hours apart, I really miss his crtiques, and I can totally relate to the horrible feeling of realizing someone you hope to be a big supporter of what you are doing isn't neccesarily "getting it."