NYC Journal

[Calzone]

I get a chemical castration injection today. Kinda painless initially, but after a delay there is a very sharp burning sensation, as if someone is holding a hot soldering iron to your hip. Ouch…

The injection leaves a lump and it is a gel not a liquid. Has a 3 month time release.

This is part of the “fem-out.” The warm flashes are gaining in intensity, and I suffer more in the heat. Also in an 81 degree temperature I can catch a chill. Of course this disrupts my sleep.

Should get the lab results electronically today, but the early heads up informed me that I’m stable.

Tomorrow I will get another inhibitor delivery. This drug costs $30K a year and I will be on it for 2 years. Also tomorrow I will see my radiation oncologist. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll get the schedule for radiation treatment. Already approved for 39 treatments.

Cal

 

[Calzone]

No burning with this injection. My lab tests show my normal out of range and pretty much I am stable.

One thing though I’m a bit more anemic, and that would explain the increase in fatigue and my lower energy level.

Oh-well.

We were listening to NPR (WNYC) and heard our neighbor Courtney speaking. She is a PhD scientist who works for Regenerone and is a stout Environmental Activist. The reason for the interview was the Governor of New York is proposing building a nuclear power plant somewhere in upstate New York.

Know that we live about a mile from Indian Point, the now decommissioned power plant that operated for 50 years. The clean up is a monumental mess with 50 years of nuclear waste and millions of gallons of contaminated water.

Then there is the neighborhood smut and a bit of a feud between the extreme left and the extreme right between our neighbors. It kinda gets crazy fast.

I attended a Pedestrian Safety Forum last week. This is when the Mayor of Peekskill stopped me from feeding a parking meter in the Downtown. I was reminded that parking is free on the weekends.

A reporter from the Peekskill Herald quoted me and presented my one of my ideas for pedestrian safety.

I cited how Vision Zero in NYC created congestion (lower speed limit), made aggressive drivers more aggressive, and actually had the unintended consequence of increasing pedestrian deaths. This was not quoted.

Another point I made was to have the proposed bike lanes go around the perimeter of the downtown to avoid congestion, and I also supported the local businesses that bike lanes would hurt businesses due to less parking.

The point that was taken was to keep the bike lanes out of the downtown proper for pedestrian safety. Also was included that lesser violations like double parking and not yielding right of way likely would decrease more serious violations like speeding and running red lights and stop signs. I pointed to a certain level of lawlessness in our city that pervades and encourages bad driving.

So some local news…

Cal

 

[Calzone]

Had the opportunity to plug into a 1996-1997 Matchless Spitfire amp I own to make some noise while “Maggie” was socializing with a friend.

Wow. What treasure. Sonic heaven.

My Matchless Lightning and Spitfire are the rare 2X10 versions that are no longer available, and they are from the Mark Sampson era. This is a guy who built Vox amp clones that were bombproof and basically started and founded the boutique amp movement.

The Lightning is a higher gain amp than the Spitfire.

Cal

 

[Calzone]

Today a courier will deliver more Inhibitor, and I see one of my oncologists to go over the past month’s blood tests.

I hope I get the scheduling for the radiation treatment today.

Cal

 

[Calzone]

The jobs report had an estimated 33K decline, the first decline since March 2023.

Uncertainty and tariffs are to blame. The slow-motion slowdown continues…

Cal

 

[Calzone]

I am thinking of Dr. Ken McIntyre (deceased), one of many mentors that saw something special in me, that I feel I disappointed. Over my lifetime I have disappoint many, who saw something special in me: perhaps talent; or gift.

Had a very disrupted life, had to escape poverty, had to fight discrimination, had to work extra hard to prove myself.

There is a story of Louis Armstrong, the son of a prostitute who knew poverty, who one day decided he would dedicate 2 years of his life to become great at blowing his horn.

Last night my friend Tim called, and we talked for hours. I am not the only person with a disrupted life. Evidently Tim too lost his way. I think of how to make the most of my Cancer struggle, and it seems like a two year envelope. The same advice I gave Tim applies to myself: concentrate on just one thing until you archive that goal.

Lately I have been embracing more and more finger-style into my guitar playing. Normally I play with a pick, but a style I can call my own is evolving, where I am me, and I’m not following anyone. I am in a space where I walk alone, and I’m cool with that.

So I think I am finally going to honor Ken’s advice of being “serious” and making one thing the most important thing in my life. One of my problems is that I am highly capable of doing many things, and it seems I have the attention span of a small inbred dog. Concentrating on only one thing is very difficult for me.

So it seems like I’m going through a portal, and somehow having Cancer and undergoing a two year treatment actually can have not only a good outcome, but can lead to fulfillment and a much deeper meaning in my life.

A strange twist…

Already I made some dramatic changes in my playing, and things are opening up.

Cal

 

[Nokton48]

Morning Devil Cal,

6x6 TLR Shooting Bank by Nokton48, on Flickr

Diane Arbus used the C33 Mamiya too. I have that famous shot of her in the park, with the C33 and the Mighty-Mite Flash, on my studio wall.

I have my Hasslebads, but I Jonesed longingly for Mamyflexes I'd long ago sold off. So I gathered up these C33 beasties, which I often used in tandem with my Blads in the studio.

 

[Calzone]

Devil Dan,

Mucho cool. I love it.

Cal

 

[Calzone]

Add onto the fatigue I have now with the drugs and anemia some more fatigue layered on top of that from the 39 radiation treatments that will begin either Monday or Tuesday. I am told the fatigue accumulates.

I have to get my cholesterol checked in 4 months because I’m now prone to heart disease as a side effect.

Might take about a year for my body to recover after the two year treatment of hormone therapy, and I just completed the first 2 months.

Heat never bothered me so now I am also prone to heat stroke also.

I figure I have to do something to pump blood to maintain my health. Good thing I have a Concept 2 rower, and pretty much I need to do this in the morning close to six AM when I get up. Seems like biking in the heat is a very bad idea.

I’m on drugs… serious drugs with big side effects.

Cal

 

[Calzone]

BTW the guitar is kinda my savior to deal with the limitations and the years ahead. Things are advancing…

Cal

 

[Calzone]

So maintaining my health and preventing other diseases means I kinda need to pump blood somehow every day, even though fatigue will get layered and build.

Heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol are the longer term side effects.

I was told by my oncologist that he had a patient who rode his bike 30 miles regularly, and now with hormone therapy and radiation he can only do 3 miles.

I can see how this life saving drug can lead to other diseases, if I just sit on the couch and play guitar.

So far my weight is stable, but weight gain is another side effect, and of course that can lead to the diseases I listed above.

So survival mode now has to include exercise and strength training to avoid a cascade of disease.

Seems like I have a 60-70% chance of living Cancer free for 5 years. The Cancer can return in a Inhibitor resistant form. Also after treatment is done I will have to be closely monitored for the rest of my life.

The hormone resistant Cancer is unlikely though for the 2 year treatment I am getting. The danger is after the 5 years of being Cancer free.

I’m 67 currently, so 5 years out is 72, but I think the 5 year envelope of being Cancer free starts actually after treatment ends almost 2 years from now so that brings me to 74.

Cal

 

[MrFujicaman]

I wonder why Arbus didn't shoot 220 after she switched to Mamiya C33's? Mamiya made a replacement back for the C33's that allowed it to use 220 (I have one myself). It would have made sense.

 

[robert blu]

Cal, I think your passion for guitar is opening you a world of satisfactions in a not easy moment. But you are strong minded and the joy to have a guitar in your hands will give you more strength.
I'm an absolute beginner with guitar playing, I am onle able to play 4 chords with my Martin and due to arthritis in my 76 years old hands they do not not always sound well and my progress in learning are slow, but...each moment with the guitar in my hands is a joy, even if only playing a slow simple chords progression!
And it seems you have a nice collection of guitars and good ideas about your own musical style! Keep doing your good work!

 

[Nokton48]

I wonder why Arbus didn't shoot 220 after she switched to Mamiya C33's? Mamiya made a replacement back for the C33's that allowed it to use 220 (I have one myself). It would have made sense.

Good Morning MFM,

About half way through C33 production, they added 220 film capabilities to the camera. If she had an earlier model C33, it was 120 only. All my C33's have the 220 back on them, I'm running the Shanghai 220 with good results so far. I read somewhere it's actually the UP100 emulsion.

 

[ASA 32]

Add onto the fatigue I have now with the drugs and anemia some more fatigue layered on top of that from the 39 radiation treatments that will begin either Monday or Tuesday. I am told the fatigue accumulates.

I have to get my cholesterol checked in 4 months because I’m now prone to heart disease as a side effect.

Might take about a year for my body to recover after the two year treatment of hormone therapy, and I just completed the first 2 months.

Heat never bothered me so now I am also prone to heat stroke also.

I figure I have to do something to pump blood to maintain my health. Good thing I have a Concept 2 rower, and pretty much I need to do this in the morning close to six AM when I get up. Seems like biking in the heat is a very bad idea.

I’m on drugs… serious drugs with big side effects.

Cal

In the past three years I've had 60 radiation treatments, 30 post mastectomy for breast cancer, and just this winter 30 for 3-4 Gleason prostate cancer. I didn't experience fatigue with the breast cancer treatments, but I did with the prostate cancer treatments. And as you were told, the fatigue does accumulate, and for me continued for several weeks after the treatments were over. I found a daily nap of 30 minutes or so were helpful. Up until the last week or so, I was still able to do my gym workouts. As always you will be in my thoughts.

 

[Calzone]

ASA,

Much love for your response.

I started doing pull-ups again, and I will start doing sets of max pushups. No lie, I lost about half my strength, and I figure I’m around a normal 67 year old man.

I don’t want to fade away, and I know I am a very vain man. Having a youthful body is hyper important to me. Also I feel the need to be able to win in a street fight the way the world is today.

So in the least max sets of pull-ups and push-ups.

I also have to go to our gym to do cardio. Need to pump blood to burn calories and prevent heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, and weight gain. These are all side effects of my hormone treatment.

Anyways I figure I have to be a brawler and fight the decay.

I also feel that I can’t tolerate the heat, and in my current state I am prone to heat-stroke. Biking seems off the table until the fall.

So I think I have the resilience to adapt. The accumulated fatigue worries me…

Cal

 

[Calzone]

I also have a compromised immune system. Getting Covid or the flu would be more severe.

I figure that in the fall I have to kinda hunker down. Meanwhile I will ferry “Maggie” around so she does not suffer social isolation.

Her needs for outside stimulation is great, not so little like me. Know that I am a loner at heart, but because I kinda stand out I don’t get left alone. Snarky Joe and Devil Christian say I kinda draw out the crazies.

Oh-well…

Cal

 

[Calzone]

My MediCare Advantage Plan is pretty good, but I have a big co-pay of $40.00.

I’m scheduled for 39 radiation treatments over the next 8 weeks. Pretty much Monday through Friday at 9:00 AM every day.

$40.00 times 39 is $1560.00 out of my pocket. Good thing I have a Health Spending Account. Ouch. I think for many people all these extra expenses would creat hardship.

I’m using tax deferred dollars to pay for this, so I save on my taxes. I had put almost $10K into the HSA, but I figured this would be reserved for all the optional expenses for cataract surgery, and for the higher end lenses and procedures that MediCare does not cover.

Anyways, my cash flow is good, and a few years ago I was told that my lenses were still good, and perhaps cataract surgery might be needed in a decade.

“Maggie,” a bookworm with a PhD and two Masters, spent around $10K for all the options and frills to correct her very poor vision. I likely would require less. Still the point here is MediCare only covers a very basic cataract surgery and el cheapo lenses.

Call me a Leica snob, but I want good glass in my eyes, not el cheapo lenses.

Cal

 

[Phil_F_NM]

Took a 50 mile ride out to Valley Forge and back today. Started off probably a bit dehydrated, got sidetracked in conversation with a collegiate rower from Drexel and encouraged him to get a more serious road bike and go become a winning racer. After that, I rode through Manayunk and rode up the wall. Almost killed me but I made it. My pulse hit 191, but not to worry, I always run a bit fast, my heart is ok.
Then I rode out to Valley Forge, talked for a bit with a guy on an early 90s Giant steel bike which was their highest end steel frame. Pretty cool bike with full Shimano 600. Then I rode back home. I held an average speed of 18mph over the ride, but that is including the commute to the path, riding through the crowd, and the 2mph climb up the wall for maybe 10 minutes. Did a full 50 miles and change today. The frequent commutes to work have been paying off.
Phil

 

[Calzone]

Phil,

Pretty awesome. Not bad evil heat.

I started my strength training. I’m half the man I use to be.

BTW a key is more protein, especially as you age.

I figure that the radiation damages and kills cells. I can mitigate some of the fatigue by ensuring enough raw building materials to regenerate. Again I think biking will save my life, but at this point it is the lessons learned.

Cal