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Been boning up on the next steps in treatment. One thing I learned is the Gallium 68 PET-scan was the best for diagnostics.

Another surprise was how useful the other scans were as a base of comparison.

This most recent scan was over an hour after the radiopharmicuetical was injected, allowing it to diffuse more thoughly throughout my body.

Kinda prepped for tomorrow’s appointment.

Cal
 
Been busy informing other friends of the great news. Tomorrow is another day…

From my reading a high BMI could effect a treatment plan. I have a pretty low BMI, I’m nearly a skinny bitch.

Realize that I had a “9” on the Gleason scale. This is way more than “moderate” risk. A “10” is pretty much a near death sentence.

Perhaps I could be considered a beginning Stage 4 Cancer. There are only 5 Stages.

No lie that I dodged a bullet. Kinda crazy now that I think of how edgy my life has been.

BTW “Maggie” I think suffered more than I did. I have to acknowledge that.

We also have been thinking a lot about Peekskill. It is a blue collar/working-class city. It lacks the glam and wealth. Perhaps that is why I feel at home here. Maggie and I grew up poor, and we have had lives of struggle. She was a single mom, and social workers are on the low end of the pay scale, even though they are licensed professionals.

Then the pay for academics is shamefully low, even though you have a PhD.

So in the end we feel right at home among the blue collar working class.

Kinda interesting mixing with offspring of Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward living and being included in a circle of celebrities. We get the invites and exchange contact info, but we really don’t fit in. In the end our backgrounds are too different, and there is a lack of common ground.

Hmmm… Fanfare for the common man…

BTW fame and fortune does not mean happiness. Too much Ego to maintain. Better to be humble and simple.

Cal

Fact Check: my Stage would be 4A, Stage 4B has no cure, unlike 4A, but is treatable/managed. I could of been 4B which would be a limited life span under 5-years. A close call.

Sorry for the hype, I’m only dealing with that possibility now.
 
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Kinda funny how being in the moment gets displace. You live in a realm of possibility, rather than reality, you are in the moment in one way, and not really there in another.

Prolonged uncertainty causes this.

It reminds me of those Carlos Castaneda books, perhaps the one titled “A Separate Reality.”

Those books were about mind bending and hallucinations…

So perhaps I’m back to “normal,” whatever that means.

In a ways my outlook on the disease that is breeding in our society, our politics, and our economy; in my mind a sense of disbelief is happening, and Banksters, Investment and Financial Pros, are not really seeing truth or reality either.

“Tare-If’s?” And all this uncertainty is somehow clearly being discounted as a downturn seems inevitable. Trurely a “Separate Reality” is being created. People are believing and reacting to hallucinations…

So there is a parallel of displacement that involves the uncertainty before us, but history suggests a very negative outcome.

How many of those Tesla workers will drink the Cool-Aid wanting to sustain employment and believing they are not being manipulated or lied too. How does all that insider trading get discounted, and by one measure how did Tesla stock rally and gain 5% sometime today?

I have Cancer, and it seems I made my own batch of Cool-Aid and guzzled it. Lucky me that this Cool-Aid was not poison that would do me harm, in fact it helped me stay alive.

Anyways a wandering mind, wondering about possibilities, and getting perhaps a bit poetic by my use of analogy.

I do feel different, and perhaps somewhat recovered, even though I have had no treatment other than a Radical Prostratectomy and Eliquis for a blood clot.

BTW I’m mighty glad “Maggie” now thinks we need to stay put because of medical care we have here.

Cal
 
Is AI another Dot-Com bubble?

Hmmm…

Valuations based on the long-term average P/E of 17 verses today’s valuations is about double…

Back then they jumped the shark…

Cal
 
The woman urologist I first had used the term “Man-O-Pause” for the hormone treatment. Pretty much chemical castration, and bonus other inhibitors that render any testosterone useless to Cancer growth.

Loss of body hair, hair on my head seems safe.

Penis shrinkage, loss of libido, erections…

Hot flashes and irritability…

There could be facial changes, muscle loss (bulk), and a tendency to get fat or plump up…

Growth of breasts and nipples…

So pretty much I will be going a bit tranny, or transsexual. On one hand I already have a lot of fem in me already. I am small framed, I have a tight bikers butt, a small waist, narrow shoulders for a man, and in fact I kinda have a boy’s body.

Then add long hair…

In the past when walking with a girlfriend hand in hand, I would notice a horny guy checking out what he thought were a pair of hot lesbians.

My friend Ralph publicly admitted that he was admiring my butt, until he realized it was me.

Then there was that serial rapist that I nearly took out with my monopod after getting off the subway 4:00 AM in the Italian section of Williamsburg. He clearly mistook me for a hipster girl…

So a new adventure.

So if I loose muscle mass that surely will slow my metabolism. I’ll have to become more active. Biking and diet could be the key. I could never really bulk up anyways, so I don’t really know how much of an effect this will have, but 2 years on hormone treatment is a possibility, enough time to grow breasts, and enlarged nipples.

“Maggie” says if I grow breasts I won’t be able to go topless, and I will just have to wear lose shirts. Not sure if the breasts revert back to a chest after hormone therapy ends. My guess is likely so, but then again as a product of aging I will be making less and less testosterone.

I love breasts, but not on me. Also I love large nipples, but not on me. All my life I’ve had enough of being somewhat fem. I’m cool with that, but anyways it seems like I might be a crazy bitch.

I forgot about the mood swings, also testosterone also effects cognitive function. I might develop “woman-factor” and not make any sense.

Perhaps it will be a somewhat unique experience. I guess in the best case scenario, I kinda regress from the man I am now to perhaps the scrawny pre-adolescent time of when I was thinner and less meaty if I don’t get fat or chubby. Muscle is denser than fat, and even though I am lean, I am definitely muscular.

So pretty much a transformation is going to happen. ADT or hormone treatment can be 6-months to 2 years. I have an aggressive Cancer, so in my mind I’m thinking the longer time period.

Cal
 
Tesla purchases in Europe “plunged” for a second month in a row, yet the stock still defies gravity, despite massive insider trading. Tesla stock hovers around $278.XX a share today. Employee shareholders meanwhile are told not to sell and to hang on.

Today is another big day. I’m kinda being a drama queen here about the Fem-Out. In a way it is not so big a transformation, and perhaps the only thing really being exaggerated here is my vanity.

I know I am kinda vain. I have been gawked at and cat-called openly as a sex object. Pretty much one learns the power of good looks: higher pay, more opportunities, benefit of the doubt, entrance into elite circles…

I learned I have an advantage and it kinda is big. At age 67 I’m kind of still a pretty boy and I draw attention. Flattery of sorts has created a monster, and that monster is me.

At Grumman I got possession of a 16mm Bolex that was being excessed by literally blinking my eyes three times and saying please in a sexy manner. Sandra melted and gave the Bolex kit to me.

Part of the “Calzone” persona comes from my cocky good looks, and now my appearance might change. I actually might become a real skinny-bitch if I loose muscle mass and avoid weight gain. I might become actually prettier in a way.

BTW when I get out of bed, and my hair is not in a ponytail, I resemble Steve Tyler with my feral bed head along with th grey side burns.

My friend Cris the guitar builder was in a band called Fantasia, and their frontman strongly resembled Steve Tyler of Aerosmith fame. Cris told stories of girls glamming onto their frontman. One day Cris went to seek out their frontman who was late for band practice, so he went to the frontman’s girlfriend’s house, figuring he was there screwing her.

At the girlfriend’s house he kinda walked in on his frontman doing the dirty deed, but he was having sex with his girlfriend’s mother.

Anyways, you can’t make this stuff up…

Anyways, my worry is about my sex appeal and kinda knowing I’m cute. The grandson already knows he is cute. Being cute or remaining cute is a big advantage in life… I don’t want to loose that advantage.

Cal
 
In the Pre-Open the markets are mixed and set very near zero after yesterday’s almost 600 point gain on the DOW.

Yesterday was a “relief” rally based on the premise that some tariff exemptions that are expected on automobiles and electronic chips. Pretty much this intervention prevents the collapse of the big three automakers. Don’t forget that cars utilize mucho electronics.

I expect selling into yesterday’s relief rally today and for the screen to turn fully red. The open I expect heavy volume and the markets to reveal and resume the downtrend of the longer timelines.

So a hodgepodge of exemptions will make tariffs “Tare-Ifs?” More uncertainty and confusion ahead. Masses of people and even economists are drinking Cool-Aid.

A bad ending will come suddenly as a surprise and a shock.

Oh-well, Americans voted for this… A self inflicted wound and for some actual suicide. How many farmers voted for this and will get abused and fxxxed by tariffs in a trade war. China will buy its soy beans from Brazil.

Once the Canadians build out more oil and gas pipelines, their energy resources will go elsewhere to support other economies.

The U.S. has isolated itself. BTW the onshoring of industry often leads to “extra-medium” quality. If you want the good stuff that is not a cheap good, expect to buy an import and pay the tariff.

Pretty much those cheap goods from China we import will kinda be built here, but of course not so cheaply.

I am an American, and when I need a new car I’ll buy an imported car and pay the tariff. I buy to keep, and I do not hold American cars in high esteem. The premium is worth paying and has enduring value. Oh-well.

So in effect now these tariff exemptions can be framed as a government subsidy. Price controls and subsidies don’t keep prices low and eventually filter into higher prices. The bloat in the big three kinda gets maintained, and that leads to being not competitive.

Watch and see the big three continuing to make trucks and SUV’s instead of fuel efficient compact cars. I doubt Honda and Toyota will loose any market share because they build cars most Americans need.

Oh-well. I didn’t vote for all this. I realize that many Americans hurt themselves, and some actually destroyed their own livelihood. I know in advance the body count from this trade war will be mighty high.

Cal
 
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The markets went mildly into the green still in the Pre-Market.

Hmmm…

They say insanity can persist for longer than you think.

The markets defy gravity and perhaps history at this point, but eventually the trap-door will open. The surprise will happen sooner or later. Brace yourself…

Cal
 
A 16 billion dollar contract is at risk, as Canada reconsiders buying 88 F-35’s from the U.S. The Canadians are obligated to purchase 16, but are looking elsewhere for another fighter jet.

Pretty much they do not want to depend on the U.S.

Can you blame them?

Know that this will likely raise prices on F-35’s the U.S. needs/requires. There is an economy of scale. The F-35 is the most expensive fighter jet in the world.

This could be a big hit to our economy. A rather big self-inflicted wound…

A big deal for me was advancing to 7 pull-ups in a max set, then after taking a shower i did a second set of 7. I surprised myself. I am starting to get to that tipping point in my strength.

I’ll see later after mucho rest if how many pull-ups I might do in a third max set. Because I’m old it takes a good amount of rest to refill my muscle with glycogen. This energy stored directly in the muscle tissue is for intense strength. Could come in handy in a street fight.

Realize I’m 67, and most men struggle with pull-ups.

Cal
 
Pretty much things are as we interpreted: I have residual Prostate Cancer that invaded my left Iliac Lymph-node. No news there.

I need approval for the hormone injection that is “chemical castration.” I’ll get that injection Monday. I will need these injections every three months for a year.

The risk of growing breasts is rare and only about 5%.

My hematologist will be in the loop for possibly prescribing a complimentary “inhibitor” that would render any residual testosterone unusable by the Cancer.

It seems that more time is required for the healing post surgery, and pretty much radiation treatment would inhibit and stop gaining full or more bladder control. Right now with the hormone treatment it will contain any Cancer growth, so it effectively suspends growth and buys time for more healing post surgery.

Radiation is a twofold approach: one is directly targeting just the Cancerous lymph-node; and a secondary blanket radiation to the general pelvic area as a cleanup. I will have a Radiation Oncologist to consult with.

So now begins the team effort.

Cal
 
Hot flashes seem to be the big side effect of hormone therapy. My worries about growing breasts were amplified.

Seems at Peekskill Coffee I’m meeting other men in the “Club” meaning men who are survivors of prostate Cancer. My friend Paul introduced me to another friend…

So pretty much Cancer is the second leading form of death in the U.S. and most men will get some form of prostate Cancer as they age. Many men will outlive their Cancer because many times the Cancer is slow growing.

In my case I had an “Avid” Cancer, meaning aggressive and fast growing.

My overall prognosis looks to be a cure after treatment. The ADT (Androgen Deprivation Therapy) or hormone therapy can actually shrink tumors. Pretty much the tumors kinda get starved, but this is not a cure.

The radiation is used to kill the Cancer. I likely will get the “salvage” therapy that is a combination of targeting the Cancerous lymph-node, and also blanketing the general pelvic area to kill any Cancer residue.

It might be April or May for the radiation treatment to begin. 4-6 weeks of 5 treatments per week.

Being thin and not overweight I learned is a good thing.

Today the quarter sawn Strat neck was delivered, and the under 3 pound pine Tele body. Tomorrow a Fed Ex delivery for Callahan parts.

Some of this guitar building will require mild low humidity weather to spray laquer. There is no rush here since I have so many guitars. A kinda relaxed spare time hobby at this point. Kinda arty also.

I’m glad I scarfed the under 3 pound body. The other nice body that was available now is gone.

One of my friends is in the spectrum, meaning autistic. So I asked “Maggie” if I might be somewhat autistic and be in the spectrum. Know that our granddaughter is in the spectrum.

So I do have some of the mannerisms and OCD traits. I repeat myself often. I have lots of quirks, bad boundaries and many unusual ways. Of course part of this is gifted intelligence and creativity.

So pretty much I might be a bit.

Cal
 
Both the DOW and S&P hung close to the opening values at the close. Just a tad into the green.

Meanwhile the Nasdaq ended up mildly 83 points.

No bull move today.

Cal
 
This Wednesday morning the indexes are just slightly in the red. Hard to predict, but a downward bias exists.

A fatigue kinda set in with the good Pet-scan report. Been sleeping a bit more to catch up.

The kid’s have friends that their parents are dying off. Another funeral this week, and there was a funeral last week.

“Maggie” is going to volunteer at our library’s bookstore one day a week to get out and have a sense of purpose. She needs more social interaction than me. At times she feels isolated.

My savings and income is winding down, and I’m only 67. A little less than 3 more years to go till I collect Social Security and maybe my second pension. When that happens I’ll be able to save again an build up a slush fund.

There is great comfort in living below your means. Money is not tight, and in a way there is abundance and freedom. In our consumer culture just the opposite is promoted. The payback this time will be mucho bad for many Americans.

CitiBank sent me a credit card bill, even though I have a zero balance, and the interest rate was 19%. Very costly to carry any balance. Average balances were reported as $7.2K by one report, and Maggie says she read $10K.

The cost of my Cancer has many small bills. The blood thinner refill set me back another $47.00, and on my advantage plane my co-pay is $40.00. With so many doctors these small bills add up. I’m pretty sure more bills will come in as treatment begins, and that starts this Monday and will last a year.

Oh-well.

I’m glad I’m not preoccupied with having to work. That would of been difficult…

Cal
 
A headline suggests a growing demand for safe haven assets like gold. The banks have been holding physical gold for a long time and are the biggest buyers.

The news for me is that consumers can now buy bars of physical gold at Costco.

My takeaway is that confidence in the U.S. dollar is waning, and also inflation (a devaluation of the dollar’s purchasing power) is becoming more of a concern here and around the world.

Gold is priced in dollars, so as the dollar goes down in value, gold gets cheaper in terms of other currencies.

Hmmm…

Cal
 
Average life expectancy for a man in the U.S. is only 74.8 years. The pandemic caused a drop all over the world, but it seems more profound here in the U.S.

If you are a Canadian your life span is a lot greater (79.27 years).

Anyways I feel pretty confident about at least the next decade and that would get me to 77-78, and according to the statistics living beyond 15 years Cancer free after treatment is a 50-50 odds, so 82-83 is a possibility.

Cal
 
The S&P is above the 200-day moving average after experiencing a “death-cross.” Pretty much the 50 day and the the 200 day moving averages crossed, and this is a very bearish signal.

On the other hand a recovery over the 200-day, such as now is a somewhat bullish signal.

Yesterday’s gains were so tiny that pretty much it was a flat response after the relief rally that started Monday.

Meanwhile Banksters and analysts say there is only about a 40% chance of a recession, but we already had a bad first quarter, so we are already half there, and I suspect this second quarter will get the delayed adjustment from the expected continued hoarding going on in advance of real tariffs, not “Tare-Ifs?” Due to the deficit adjustment which is delayed after the initial report.

I see here on the ground I see a continued slowdown, continued inflation concerns in the consumer, and continued hoarding in anticipation of the real tariffs that really at this point have been only threats or head fakes. The inflation and costs to the businesses and consumers really has not had any impact yet.

Read, are economists, analysts and banks in touch with reality? How can I see a pattern that they don’t see. Do they understand economics or economic history. I see a disregard here.

Talk and threats are one thing, but the impact of “real” tariffs has not really filtered into the economy and hit both businesses and consumers.

We kinda are at a pivot point of sorts…

Cal
 
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What supports what I wrote above is being supported by the durable goods orders that is sustaining this relief rally that started Monday.

A lot of these durable goods are manufactured in Mexico BTW.

Connect the dots… I don’t think these academics, economists, Banksters and anylysts made this connection.

Mighty dumb…

Cal
 
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