Photos of deceased family

[BrianShaw]

One of my Uncles just died and I'll be going to his funeral. My wife will be unable to attend. She never met my Uncle, nor has she even seen a picture of him. She asked me to take a photo... you know, in the casket.

I'm not squeemish, but wouldn't seriously consider doing this out of respect. She says it is expected in "her culture"... which is Southern United State-ian. Being originally a Proper Bostonian, and now an up-tight Angeleno, she can't convert me to her way.

Back in the olden days I understand that having photographs taken of the decesed person was a modern replacement for the 'death mask'. Is taking photos of the deceased common... in other parts of the U.S., or other parts of the world?

 

[aad]

I've heard of this, but it sort of bothers me. Domestic happiness is important, but I wouldn't do this, especially since she didn't know him. Maybe you can find a picture of him in better days.

 

[JohnM]

I've never seen someone take a photo at a wake or funeral - I'm with you, I wouldn't do it.

Plus, you'd have a devil of a time getting the model release form signed.

🙂

 

[BrianShaw]

Plus, you'd have a devil of a time getting the model release form signed.

How very true!

I've "met" a lot of my wife's deceased family from photos of them at thier funeral. I find it kind of weird, but as an avid genealogist I also find it kind of interesting. A couple of years ago we buried my father-in-law. His family literally lined up in front of the coffin for 'one last picture with Pop'. I couldn't do it... either take pictures for folks, or be in them. My wife's family was quite offended at my refusal to participate.

I "tucked Pop in" before they sealed the coffin. That was enough of a memory for me!

 

[BrianShaw]

it's a civil war tradition

Which side 😀

Maybe this is part of the explanation -- my wife's family is from Brownsville, Jackson and Huntingdon TN.

I, too, would have fond memories of an Uncle that left me a ZI!

 

[FrankS]

Good news is that you can use a slow shutter speed. 🙂 (Sorry.)

 

[BudGreen]

A couple years ago I was going through some photos that my grandfather had taken and among them was a picture of his father (my great-grandfather) in the casket. It was a little creepy for me but evidently not uncommon in his part of West Virginia.

 

[reagan]

In-casket shots. . . hmmm. I grew up in the south and this was never a part of our family tradition, nor do I know anyone who practiced it. Apparently there are some, though.

Years ago, a family whom I didn't know very well, asked me to take pictures of their deceased relative's funeral. (grandpa, uncle or somebody) They wanted pics in the small country church and at the graveside. No in-casket shots requested nor group shots with the casket. Mostly the flag-draped casket, pallbearer action shots, the preacher doin' his thing, flowers, etc. I ended up just shooting several rolls and giving them the film afterwards, n/c. They wanted pictures for whatever reason and I put my own "creeped out" feelings aside to avoid adding judgemental insult to bereavement.

More than likely, at my funeral, I'll take a Zorki or two along and a few rolls of film, just in case I change my mind about such things. Me sitting up in the casket to focus should reap a few candid expressions on the front row. :angel:

 

[Dougg]

I took some snaps at a funeral for my wife's aunt. Closed casket, fortunately, so no shots of the dearly departed. Included some at the grave site, lowering the casket into the ground. But some later objected to my having made any shots at all, maybe thinking it morbid. I just considered it another family gathering, the pictures of which appreciated in future.

 

[Spyderman]

I wouldn't do it either. Maybe just ask someone if they have some pictures of your uncle when he was still alive, happy with his family, and show them to your wife...

 

[ampguy]

I can't remember which country or era, but I recall reading an article in National Geographic I think about some cultures, possibly Japan long long ago, where the families kept the dead person in the house for days or weeks, keeping the body from deteriorating with dry ice.

Another thought about this is, is it ok to take pictures of someone about to die? Chances are they will look better after prepped and deceased and dressed, than in a hospital gown with tubes in their nostrils and all kinds of other places, and them being out of it from meds or senility likely.

If you do go through with this, you may want to borrow a Hexar and shoot in silent mode...

 

[ChrisN]

Last weekend my Number Two Stepson described a visit to his father, who made him sit through a home-video of his grandfather's funderal, which he could not attend. He described it as an unpleasant experience (but not in those words).

Wedding videos I can understand, but a funeral? A few respectful photos - sure.

We all celebrate the passing of our loved ones in different ways. I think I fancy a viking celebration for myself; big bonfire and lots of drinks.

 

[BrianShaw]

I can't remember which country or era, but I recall reading an article in National Geographic I think about some cultures, possibly Japan long long ago, where the families kept the dead person in the house for days or weeks, keeping the body from deteriorating with dry ice.

My parents talk about having wakes in the living room of their home. This was in the NorthEast US. I think this was fairly common until about the 1940s when the entire funeral process was institutionalized (commercialized?).

Another thought about this is, is it ok to take pictures of someone about to die? Chances are they will look better after prepped and deceased and dressed, than in a hospital gown with tubes in their nostrils and all kinds of other places, and them being out of it from meds or senility likely.

Nope... I won't do this either. I know a lot of people want "a last picture with (insert name of terminally ill loved one)" but I have limited interest. It seems unfair to them because they know why folks want a picture... all of the sudden and right now. My Dad is in the midst of a terminal illness. He's still ambulatory and looks okay, albeit skinny, frail, and weak. I usually have a camera with me but wait for him to suggest taking a picture. Fortunately, he is a willing photographic subject and a bit of a ham... so it's fairly common for him to ask me the see if "he's still ugly enough to fog up a camera lens".

 

[bmattock]

I took photos of my grandmother in her casket when she passed away in Illinois earlier this year. I asked if the photos were desired and was told yes by a few people present. I checked with the minister and was also told yes. Later, I also got a few complaints from family members that it was inappropriate. It was a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' situation. If I had it to do again, I'd do the same thing again. But I have no idea if it is 'right' or not.

Best Regards,

Bill Mattocks

 

[pshinkaw]

In some Asian cultures (like mine) it is expected that a photo of the deceased will be sent home to the "old country". I and my wife have taken several photos of bodies in caskets for relatives who live far away and could not attend.

On the other hand, I have also refrained from photographing the deceased if they are from another culture and their relatives might be offended.

Howewver, also being of "southern United States" background as well, I can't say that this is at all common down here.

-Paul

 

[FrankS]

Buddhist funeral for my wife's grandmother. Her ashes are in the box. I took and printed the picture of her (displayed) a few years previously.

 

[oftheherd]

At my mother's funeral, at the grave side, a cousin of mine asked if I wanted a photo of my mother's open cofin before she was buried. I was surprised and a little uncomfortable, but I and my wife agreed. My cousin acted as if she did it all the time and took a polaroid. I now look at the photo without being uncomfortable at all. A couple of weeks ago I attended the burial of a veteran at Arlington National Cemetary. A grand-daughter took video of the graveside ceremony, including the family, words by the chaplain, 21 gun salute, and bugler. It seemed that was what everyone wanted. If asked, I think I would take one of someone else's dearly departed if they wished, and there were no strenuous objections from the rest of the family.

I think everyone has to decide this for themselves. You have to live with your wife and she with you, and both of you with the rest of your family. Especially using a 35mm rangefinder, at least it will not be as conspicuous. Good luck on your decision.

 

[Silva Lining]

Another thought about this is, is it ok to take pictures of someone about to die? Chances are they will look better after prepped and deceased and dressed, than in a hospital gown with tubes in their nostrils and all kinds of other places, and them being out of it from meds or senility likely.

An intersting question as my imediate answer would be 'no', but I have on two occasions taken a picture of someone who has, unexpectedly died, shortly afterwards. (There was no connection!!!) which are now treasured 'last photos' by their relatives. I guess at the end of the day it is down to the individuals concerned and their wishes. As CVBLZ4 says sometimes it is best to put the feelings of others before our own and not be too judgmental.....

 

[ddunn]

Strange no one's mentioned Michael Lesy's book Wisconsin Death Trip. Pictures of the dead in their caskets (especially children) were common in 1890's Wisconsin. It wasn't just a Southern thing.

 

[Kim Coxon]

It is a very difficult subject. My Mother died last year having lost a 25 year battle with cancer. My Father really wanted a photo of her in the casket. Given the choice, I wouldn't have done it but as it meant so much to him, I took some on the DSLR and burnt them onto CD for him. The rest of the family were aware of this but didn't want to see them or have a copy. I haven't kept them myself. The others did want a copy of the photos of the floral tributes and I have kept a copy of those.

I don't know if it a geographic thing or a time thing. Some time ago, it was quite common in the UK for deceased family members to lie in state in the parlour until the funeral but that has stopped now. I suspect it is a very personal thing and one that will become very uncommon.

Kim