Stuck In A Hole - How to find enjoyment in actually taking photos?

[Jake Mongey]

Good Evening Ladies and Gents,

Its been a long while since ive loitered around on here and after a temultuois 4 or 5 years I have finally landed sort of back on my feet enough to consider getting back into photography. I would lie if I said I have completely ignored it as I started a film lab when I last posted here, moved up quite quickly and became a really rather good technician, became very good with fixing unrepairable scanners and modifying C41 Minilabs and the like. Opened a film lab in London a few years ago which unfortunately got dragged down by a buisness partner who got cold feet after we finally opened. That was a stinger - we had two dip and dunks we had aquired and hoped to put into use!

I then ended up working for an insanely shady film company, modifying processors to take cinema loads of film and had good fun doing it. Drew up many plans but I dont think the money was ever there to make anything really, even worked handling the 35mm Film on a Motion Picture being shot and scanning dailies. Unfortunately as I said they were shady and in the end after becoming a bit too problematic in asking for such things as a contract and to be paid for the actual hours I worked I ended up being let go and never paid for the actual 14-17 hour days I was working during filming.

I even now work for a company selling drones, nothing special just customer service but still related to photography. My problem I have had is that from about 13 - 20 all that I could think about was photography - it was all that occupied my mind, wether it be processing, film, cameras, exhibitions; I lived and breathed it. However as life has gone on since leaving university it has always bothered me that seemingly the passion is gone for photography itself. Anything technical such as machines, processing and cameras I still occasionally go down a rabbit hole into but the actual art of taking pictures has left me.

I think my main difficulty comes from my standards of what work I used to produce versus what I actually shoot now. Last time I really shot I was at univeristy studying photography and I had been going to london fashion week to take photos since I was 16 so used to go every quarter - I even managed to somehow get in when I had absoloutely no buisness being there! I shot a lot of portraits, intresting people and also spent a lot of time in the live metal venues shooting gigs. Its honestly hard not to find something to shoot in london and I would bring my camera with me every single time that I left the house.
With covid having written off 2020 really but also having moved home to a rural area with my parents, I found it difficult to find anything that interested me enough to shoot. I however did keep shooting but it was more scenes and landscapes and snapshots from places I did go. When I did eventually develop any film I would be looking at my work and although I would get photos I liked; they felt completely unimpressive and many steps down from the "Professional" work I had been previously doing.

I would constantly find with my new location I was taking photos that I myself found dull - regardless of the actual quality of the photo. I would be out taking photos with someone and tell them I am just shooting for the sake of shooting - I wont actually get anything good and this is where my mind stayed there for quite a while. I just found it very hard to mentalise that I am taking my photos for my own enjoyment and for my own sense of reward as opposed to for my portfolio or a shoot which could maybe lead to something.

As I am sure you can see my problem was clearly related to the gear I was using - my Nikon F2 was my workhorse for serious work and as such I NEEDED a camera which was just for fun. So I bought a Leica iiC - this actually provided a month long placebo as I enjoyed the uncoated lens and not caring too much about quality but alas I ended up back in the same place.

However whilst working on that feature film I was handed an F6 and an unlimited supply of film and told to take BTS so when I wasnt scanning in the dailies I was shooting - and it was a relief feeling actual genuine satisfaction and fufillment again. I had 2 C41 minilabs on site and my Frontier SP2000 and was churning out the quality of work again I hadnt seen in ages!

After this ended I moved once again back home and due to health had a really hard year, but I had met my current girlfriend on that job and also donated all my leftover lab equipment and remaining frontier to a local darkroom. In exchange I got to use it and was able to enjoy printing again alongside being around creative people which had really been absent from my life the whole time. I would work 1am to 9am, drive to the darkroom for 10, spend the day printing as I still have maybe 200 rolls from my prolific university period that ive never done anything with.

That was admittedly a bit of a ramble but where I am now is I have moved across the contry in with my girlfriend, finally found an actually stable job and for the first time in a long while actually have both the time and a stable income that allow me to actually have hobbies and the itch is coming back big time. Although I havent yet found a dedicated photography gallery yet in Nottingham the contemporary there has had amazing exhibits. I have also finally picked up the camera and have been on a few walks by myself and bigger trips with my better half and actually thoroughly enjoyed being out and actually excited for the images I have got.

I just wondered if anyone has been through something simular and has any advice on finding inspiration? My plan is to convert the attic to a darkroom first as I can always enjoy printing without having to actually shoot - although having just bought a shed of a Rover P6 that will be a Jan/Feb project.

But im just not sure where to go next or what to do? I dont really have any projects I would like to shoot, havent really met anyone or been on a group photo walk and just dont really know how to find my inspiration again?

Thanks for hearing me ramble, it was long overdue and hopefully I can be active in the community again on here as that was always a big inspiration.

 

[DownUnder]

You have a most interesting personal history.

Your life history is very Century 20 when all things seemed possible and the future looked endless. Now in Century 21 - not so much.

However - and I say this most respectfully - you seem to be running in so many directions and not really putting all your concentration and 'focus' (mental, not photographic) into those truly important things in your life.

I speak from much past experience here as I was once entirely like that. When I hit 40 my 'career' had taken me from news journalism to commercial photography to national TV promotion to travel writer to book editor to small publishing to magazine editor to media marketing, which is more in three decades than I thought I would ever accomplish in any one lifetime.

For me the 'crunch' came in the mid-'80s when I got involved in a somewhat fly-by-night magazine venture. With a financial partner I set up a small lifestyle magazine with news and travel articles but mostly 'personals' (the latter caused us so many problems, we quickly and somewhat ruefully branded them 'poisonals') ads from Australians who were looking to make social (so they called them, anyway) contacts in Asia. The idea looked good on paper and the business plan read nice but the realities turned out somewhat different. After six months my partner got cold feet and spurred on by his SO who disliked me, pulled the plug on the financing. The rest was downhill all the way.

Being young and alive and socially active and always busy was fun, but the problem here for me was, it wasn't really getting me anywhere. I could see a barren old age with no interests and not enough money to provide even a reasonably basic life.

At this same time I met a psychiatrist who became a good friend and gave me the time and advice I needed to bring more directness into my life. With this friend's help I ceased my 'bohemian' lifestyle which ws fun but not always satisfactory. It

In 1986 I made a major decision to change cities, in my case from Sydney to Melbourne. The hyped-up American lifestyle of Sydney no longer suited me, and I had always enjoyed the more laid back European atmosphere of Melbourne, so the change was easy.

This move coincided with another decision I made, to pull together my motley assortment of education credits into a meaningful profession. In 1989 I finally qualified as an interior design architect and I then set up my own small practice which kept me stimulated and happily employed until I sold out and retired in 2012. Now pursuing a few carefully chosen activities which include travel in Asia, volunteer work, maintaining a good relationship with my SO and ensuring our home life is stable and happy, and of course photography (formerly commercial, then stock for a few decades, now entirely for my own pleasure with now and then a sale to book publishers which buys me some travel and good wine and a few luxuries but not a living, as basically I no longer have to work to survive in our crazed world.

You seem to be more settled now (which comes with age and often as not with a good and meaningful relationship in life) but you need to concentrate your energies and time with care. A little effort here will bring you great satisfaction. \

This said - entirely my suggestions to you and not advice - I wish you the very best of luck in your future directions. You seem to have a lot of talent and creative instincts to match your physical energy. At my age I've had more than enough of the first two, but I sure could do with a good dose of the third...

 

[farlymac]

Lots of varied experiences you've had, Jake. Some more interesting than others. But you don't seem to be able to draw anything from them to help get your mojo back, maybe because of the bad situations you got in. Anyhow, now you want to kickstart the old photography feelings. So, give yourself an assignment. Research some of the history of the area and see if there are visible traces of what used to be, such as the businesses along abandoned railway rights-of-way. Or do an architectural study of your town to record details that would be lost if a spate of redevelopment should happen. Get to know the local population better and do a photo essay on the social organizations. And start carrying that camera everywhere again, because you can't kickstart anything if you don't have anything to do it with.

PF

 

[Alpsman]

because you can't kickstart anything if you don't have anything to do it with.

That is the crucial sentence.

 

[rfaspen]

"And start carrying that camera everywhere again"

Another crucial sentence. One that I find important....for my own photographic journey.

 

[pyeh]

It's good to see you back again, Jake. I remember when you first joined. I think you were still in school. It was fun reading your posts. It sounds like you've lived a lot in a very short time. I think you'll be fine no matter what you do.

 

[wlewisiii]

I recently bought a Pentax K-5 and a handful of their DA (aps-c format) lenses for it. I've never used them before and that's stirred me up in a way I've found a blast over the past couple of months. I carry it daily, 90% of the time with the exquisite 20mm-40mm zoom on it. Short range but exquisite optics. Makes for lovely fun. There are a couple of threads here I've foisted on people 😉

 

[raydm6]

Welcome back. Sounds like you're on good footing and well on your way exploring your passion again.

 

[Richard G]

Sounds like you’re already there. I presume the day job isn’t even in photography? That’s how to rekindle the interest. And walks on your own, definitely. I can’t imagine a “photo walk” with another person. Although my wife’s uncompromising intolerance and impatience when we’re out together forces on me rapid decisions and a faux spontaneity that produces a narrow stream of different shots from the LTM Leica I take when she’s said “And don’t bring a camera”. Good luck and welcome back.

 

[Yokosuka Mike]

Jake, are you a photographer on a rudderless boat in search of something that will get your creative juices flowing again?

I’ve been in and out of photography over the years because personal life and work got in the way. And, when I did have the time and means to take pictures I didn’t know what I wanted to take pictures of anyway. I thought I knew what I wanted to do, but I really didn’t. I did know that I liked the mechanics of photography, and I had a creative spirit… What I lacked was direction and inspiration.

I used to buy photography magazines (when they still had them) as soon as they came out and I’d imitate what I saw on the pages that I looked at. I had photo buddies that were no different than me… we’d all go out together and take the same kind of pictures. Some of us got pretty good at copying the pros; no creativity required.

Somewhere along the way the world changed. My buddies disappeared, magazines disappeared… In a way, I disappeared. I actually can’t say what happened but one day I just wanted to take pictures again. And, I didn’t want to just imitate other photographers, I wanted to create my kind of photographs. It didn’t matter if anyone liked what I was doing, all that mattered was that I was doing my thing. Now I go out almost everyday and take pictures. I wake up every morning feeling motivated to go out and shoot pictures. Photography makes me happy!

What got me where I am today? I really don’t know. What makes a person wake up one morning and quit smoking/drinking/drugs/whatever cold turkey and turn a new page on their life? I don’t know. Maybe the answers to life's mysteries are obvious to some people, they’re not always obvious to me.

Anyway, Jake, hang in there and try to enjoy the journey. Have some faith, what is meant to be will be.

All the best,
Mike

 

[davidswiss]

That's some story and for the future I wish you luck with the P6. It will certainly give you a good subject for the camera. V8 or straight 6 ?

 

[Ko.Fe.]

Stop wasting your time with film.
It has nothing to do with photography.

My own experience.

Now I'm back to using bunch of digital. Enjoying taking exposures. Not looking at results for months. Just as Winogrand did.

It gives me few keepers and it is enough.

I have been into the glory of been recognized prior to it. Got some.
But it has nothing to do with photography.

Share what you got here. It doesn't have to be super photography.
People here are smart enough to see what average won't.

If you need photo walk go with some one.

But it has nothing to do with photography.

To me photography is extention of my mind. I'm curious. I look around every time. No need for books and movies fakes.
Live is much more interesting in it's little details.
I like to keep camera with me and take exposures of it.

Darkrooms are for those who are afraid to be exposed to daily life and take from it.
Don't be one.

 

[Bill Clark]

Let the force be with you.

 

[bullterrier]

Faith

 

[Jake Mongey]

You have a most interesting personal history.

Your life history is very Century 20 when all things seemed possible and the future looked endless. Now in Century 21 - not so much.

However - and I say this most respectfully - you seem to be running in so many directions and not really putting all your concentration and 'focus' (mental, not photographic) into those truly important things in your life

Being young and alive and socially active and always busy was fun, but the problem here for me was, it wasn't really getting me anywhere. I could see a barren old age with no interests and not enough money to provide even a reasonably basic life.

In 1986 I made a major decision to change cities, in my case from Sydney to Melbourne. The hyped-up American lifestyle of Sydney no longer suited me, and I had always enjoyed the more laid back European atmosphere of Melbourne, so the change was easy.

You seem to be more settled now (which comes with age and often as not with a good and meaningful relationship in life) but you need to concentrate your energies and time with care. A little effort here will bring you great satisfaction. \

This said - entirely my suggestions to you and not advice - I wish you the very best of luck in your future directions. You seem to have a lot of talent and creative instincts to match your physical energy. At my age I've had more than enough of the first two, but I sure could do with a good dose of the third...

This hits the nail on the head here, thanks for sharing this experience as this is EXACTLY where I am now. I am hoping to stay at this job for a few years and see where it takes me but my focus now is much more on something stable long term. I am more focused on getting stable long term and I am noticing a fruit of that effort is cropping up now in that I am able to think about what I want to do for my own enjoyment. The stable relationship certainly has helped and my girlfriend is absoloutely wonderful - and about as nuts as I am but in a good way.

I am hoping longer term to get into engineering myself but right now need to stay here for long enough to prove on my CV ive settled down as jobs have all been short term means to a goal or project. It also helps the money really isnt bad for what is effectly an entry level job.

Lots of varied experiences you've had, Jake. Some more interesting than others. But you don't seem to be able to draw anything from them to help get your mojo back, maybe because of the bad situations you got in. Anyhow, now you want to kickstart the old photography feelings. So, give yourself an assignment. Research some of the history of the area and see if there are visible traces of what used to be, such as the businesses along abandoned railway rights-of-way. Or do an architectural study of your town to record details that would be lost if a spate of redevelopment should happen. Get to know the local population better and do a photo essay on the social organizations. And start carrying that camera everywhere again, because you can't kickstart anything if you don't have anything to do it with.

PF

I think thats a good idea, I have had for absoloutely years a tendancy to shoot very flat images of walls or surfaces with shapes and intersecting lines, I always found them satisfying and told myself that I might finally one day start grouping them together into something. I think this might be a good first step to work from.

It's good to see you back again, Jake. I remember when you first joined. I think you were still in school. It was fun reading your posts. It sounds like you've lived a lot in a very short time. I think you'll be fine no matter what you do.

Thank you! I was indeed at school at the time. Feels like an absoloute lifetime ago! Feels good to be back.

"And start carrying that camera everywhere again"

Another crucial sentence. One that I find important....for my own photographic journey.

I cant argue with that, its about time I dug it out.

Jake, are you a photographer on a rudderless boat in search of something that will get your creative juices flowing again?

I’ve been in and out of photography over the years because personal life and work got in the way. And, when I did have the time and means to take pictures I didn’t know what I wanted to take pictures of anyway. I thought I knew what I wanted to do, but I really didn’t. I did know that I liked the mechanics of photography, and I had a creative spirit… What I lacked was direction and inspiration.

I used to buy photography magazines (when they still had them) as soon as they came out and I’d imitate what I saw on the pages that I looked at. I had photo buddies that were no different than me… we’d all go out together and take the same kind of pictures. Some of us got pretty good at copying the pros; no creativity required.

Somewhere along the way the world changed. My buddies disappeared, magazines disappeared… In a way, I disappeared. I actually can’t say what happened but one day I just wanted to take pictures again. And, I didn’t want to just imitate other photographers, I wanted to create my kind of photographs. It didn’t matter if anyone liked what I was doing, all that mattered was that I was doing my thing. Now I go out almost everyday and take pictures. I wake up every morning feeling motivated to go out and shoot pictures. Photography makes me happy!

What got me where I am today? I really don’t know. What makes a person wake up one morning and quit smoking/drinking/drugs/whatever cold turkey and turn a new page on their life? I don’t know. Maybe the answers to life's mysteries are obvious to some people, they’re not always obvious to me.

Anyway, Jake, hang in there and try to enjoy the journey. Have some faith, what is meant to be will be.

All the best,
Mike

Mike, youre absoloutely right I am. Thats a brilliant way of thinking about it, I really envy you for being able to have that motivation though! I need to find something new which makes me happy and stop looking at what I used to do as a guide.

 

[p.giannakis]

Hi Jake.

If you scroll through this website, you will see that there are other RFFers who experience that spark going out at some point in their lives. And people can give some practical advice as to what might help.

My understanding is that for some reason, you lost your interest in it and that is bugging you. You feel that this is not right- so to an extent there is still a part of you that wants it back. The question is - is it now the right time and what needs to happen?

I - like you - grew up with film cameras occupying my photographic interest. The shutter sound from any camera from the 70s-80s-90s is enough to make my ears perk up. So what that they are obsolete? They are part if my own photographic journey. The last couple of years I went down another money pit (watches) and haven't bought any cameras but I always buy my year's film supplies as my Xmas present.

Here is my suggestion (this is what I do). Dedicate one evening a week just for reviewing your work; create new scans or prints. Start a new thread here in RFF and post them - I did this with some of my slides from the 90s and that reignited my interest for those pictures. Review your camera gear and keep whatever rocks your boat. Give it some time, that spark might not light up instantly.

 

[wlewisiii]

Yeah, P. I know what you mean, though I never had it go completely dark like some here. I had several WEBSITES I had to walkway from for a long assed time, including this one but that's a very different story.

No, taking the image, forcing light to be what I _WANT_ it to be. That remains. I think it will until the last time my lids close.

 

[boojum]

I also started with cameras when a kid. I had the Kodak box Baby Brownie when I was seven or eight. I started darkroom at ten, developing and printing/enlarging. And kept it up with my first 35mm. But I have had dry spells, too. I do not beat myself up about this. I do not let the camera run my life. When I feel like it, and I always do, I pick it up and start shooting again.

The shorter spells I fix by taking the camera to the car and putting it onto the passenger seat. Then I go around to the other side of the car, open the door, get in, start it and go for a drive. Just to take photos, not to win awards. Just to take photos.

You can do this any time that you are ready. Have some fun. ;o)

 

[Godfrey]

Jake,

Good to hear you have come back to some photographic endeavor and are looking for how to move forward. Because that is the basis of anything you achieve in this endeavor: wanting to move forward and being willing to work at it.

I won't bore you with the story of my life and Photography. It's an interesting story, but ... eh? It's about me, not you.

I would say: Pick up your camera AFTER you have decided what you're interested in making photos of. To me, that's the key. I carry a camera about almost constantly, but if I haven't decided what it is I'm looking for, I tend to get mostly junk. I generally decide what I'm looking to make photos of before I pick up whichever camera du jour I feel like using, and then focus my head on looking for those things.

Film or digital .. waste of time arguing about which to use. BUT if you find yourself shooting a lot of film and then not spending time processing, rendering, and studying what you captured within a day or two, consider getting a digital camera (or a Polaroid) and just working on seeing and shooting so you can see the results of your effort within hours of the effort. I have found this is very helpful when I was teaching photography classes ... film is wonderful but it takes time and effort to look at and see what you did. Polaroids and digital let you come home from a shooting session and immediately dive into the work and see what excites you.

So: Introspection. By which, I mean that you should do a shoot and immediately (and quickly!) walk through it and pick out the two or five or ten photos that do something for you. If none emerge, go do another shoot ... as soon as you can ... and keep the thought of what didn't hit you from the first shoot in your head—and don't take those shots again. Do this over and over and over. It's work, but it's fun work. As you start to see trends in "what you like" in your shoots, use them to inform yourself about what sorts of subjects, what sort of light, etc etc, actually tickles you. Note: Go back to your shoots a few days or weeks later, hide all the "i like that" marks, and go through them again. Often times you find a whole different set of interesting photos after a bit of time has gone past.

Once you get to a point where you are beginning to make photos you enjoy on a reliable basis, start bringing a couple of friends together to look at them with you. Don't tell them what you like, let them tell you what they like, what they see. Be quiet about what you like for a while and listen. Because seeing and listening to what others see in what you do can tell you things about your photography that you are blind to, unaware of.

And most of all, while doing Photography can be a lot of hard work, when it becomes a chore and a monotony your mind will shut down. Stop for a while when that happens and take a walk without a camera, just looking at the world, and see what tugs at you to say to yourself: "I wish I had a camera right now because that's a very interesting photo..." When you hear that little voice become insistent, pick up the camera again and go seeking what nagged at you when you didn't have a camera with you.

That's all stuff to get your chops moving. Once your chops are in play, find yourself looking forward to going out for a walk just because there might be some photos to see, you're back on the road and then it doesn't matter whether you have the camera or not at a given time because you're always "making photos" in your mind. That's when you can stop worrying about 'finding enjoyment in making photographs' and can just enjoy doing whatever it is that your photographic meme moves you to want to do on a given day. 😉

G

 

[agentlossing]

Hey there, Jake. Your life sounds very interesting! Though I can understand how the ups and downs could cause some variability in your level of enthusiasm, I think you'll look back on all of that as valuable in shaping who you are, and who you become.

My advice would be to document your everyday life! You've made life changes, it sounds like you and your girlfriend are on a trajectory, so be intentional about all of that and document it faithfully, and I think you'll fan the spark of photographic creativity.

There are some good examples of photographers of the everyday right here on this site, @Shab and @dourbalistar are a couple who come to mind, who create wonderful work out of their domestic lives, they're as good an inspiration as any I've seen for this kind of work.