GAS and noctilust, etc
GAS and noctilust, etc
Can you sleep at night? That is the question you ask yourself. GAS attacks are terrible, and everyone suffers Noctilust at least once in their life - it's like the flu. You'd have to live in a bubble to avoid it.
I have trouble sleeping. I have to force-feed myself to stay alive. My attention span on all occasions, driving, eating, shaving, reading, is shot to ****. I find time slips away, only to discover from those around me, that I'd been looking at the same picture of a lens or camera for the last 2 or three hours and I notice my mouth is dry and my eyes are squeaky because I've forgotten to swallow or blink.
When at the shop, I pretend to be in the market for something particularly exotic, like the Hermes. You have to walk a certain way, talk a certain way, and be sure to carry a thick wallet and wear that fake Rollex. I ask to hold it. I feel it, look through it. . . open it up. Or I try, and the guy across the counter coughs and reaches for my precious. I instinctually pull away and he lurches forward. They are all watching, so I let him grab hold, but I find I can't let go. ANother guy walks over and asks if everything is alright. Yes, I say, the blood all in my head and feeling faint and disconnected. I let go and I feel part of me melt away into the dense Dupont carpet. The air feels cool now, and the lights are bright. I make my way down stairs and out into the blinding daylight and get into the car. I find myself at home and don't remember driving. I feel drained.
I have a strange collection of nervous ticks and all of them come alive in camera stores and in the pages of camera magazines. And on this site or others of similar sorts. I find that simply using the lens is not enough. Fondling it is not enough. I feel the lack of a 7th sense. Some special sensory tool devoted totally to photographic equipment, some way of taking it in without eating it or inhaling it.
I have something beyond GAS. It is a sickness, something terminal no doubt.
