Science never "proved" the existence of gravity. There are only theories...
I still am pretty sure there IS something like a gravity, though, no matter if we call it the attraction between masses, the curvature of the spacetime, or the upward acceleration of a flat earth.
OK, taking that line of thought, consider the humorous possibilities if the scenario was 'man-made global gravity change' instead of 'man-made global climate change.'
(Ignore for the moment that the problem was originally defined to be 'warming' and was recently revised to be just plain 'change' -- either 'warming or cooling' -- that's just an inconvenient truth.)
OK, everyone knows that a chrome 85/2 Nikkor is a heavy lens, right? You walk out your door in Bangkok, and it weighs 525 grams. Then you fly to the North Pole and incredibly, it weighs 600 grams!
Then you go to Calcutta and low and behold, said heavy lens is now only 400 grams! Heck, for that matter, Calcutta looks pretty damn good to me; other than the smog, I have a lot more energy when I'm there, and when I got off the plane it was like getting instant results from the Atkins Diet! (Not only that but I can play basketball a lot better there, I can actually dunk.)
Of course, at the same time I'm enjoying the effects of reduced gravity in Calcutta with my formerly heavy Nikkor, Kobe Bryant is having all sorts of difficulties in Los Angeles. He just can't jump as high anymore, the ball feels heavy, his shots all seem to be short and hitting the front of the rim. Everything feels normal in Chicago, but when he's playing in Boston, in contrast, all his shots hit the back of the rim, although rebounding and dunking seem to be a lot easier, he's just got way more energy on the east coast.
What we have here are people actually personally experiencing 'global gravity change.'
The acceleration due to gravity is defined as 32 feet per second per second. Everywhere on Earth.
On the other hand, what is the temperature of the earth? Well, unfortunately there is no global temperature constant. All we have are 'models.' (We do have temperatures in individual locations, which have always changed -- every day, in fact.)
Soon, all across the world, individual TV stations start adding Gravity Forecasts in addition to news, weather, and sports. Like this one from Houston: "Tomorrow looks like thundershowers combined with a 20% chance of increased gravity, but by the weekend, things should be great for being outdoors; sunny with temperatures in the 80s, combined with a 5% gravity reduction, that will mean more chances for home runs at Minute Maid Park this weekend, so head on out to the ball park!"
Al Gore sees his opening. The Earth is in the Balance. We've got a serious problem here, what can it be?
So it's decided that we'll get the United Nations to put together a group of bureaucrats, and let's find out exactly what is causing this problem! Let's call our group the Intergovernmental Panel on Gravity Change. (Since we put 'intergovernmental' in the title, everyone will obviously realize this is entirely science and has nothing to do with government.) And since we put 'Gravity Change' in the title, everyone will know that gravity change is, in fact, a fact, not just a theory.
We know it's a fact, because we can simply use a scale and see it for ourselves! Try that with 'global climate change.' (No, you can't use anecdotal evidence of more snow in the Midwest US this winter than at any time in history! That doesn't count. Ignore that, only look at the polar ice caps and the poor polar bears!)
All the bureaucrats get together, looks at some computer models that scientists have created, and decides that the only thing that can explain all of this, is the industrial revolution has caused increase emissions of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, and it's wreaking havoc on gravity!
We have meetings where 'hockey stick' graphs are shown, indicating that gravity has changed from the past few hundred years. We compare it to the graphs showing atmospheric emissions of carbon dioxide. We tell everyone that gravity has never been stronger than in the past 8 years (or weaker.)
We must do something, or else!
So, what do we do? Well, we raise taxes! What else are governments good at? That way we can slow down the economies of the offending big nations! Yeah, that will definitely work to reduce emissions. (Yes, while different bureaucrats in the US were sending out $300 to a few tax payers that made under a certain amount of income last year, in order to stimulate the economy to avoid recession.) Logically, the real way to get back to our 32 feet per second per second, is we have to not only slow down the economies, we have to freeze them, or actually reduce them, so we are creating the same amount of CO2 as we did a few years ago when there was no gravity change problem. Right?
We become executive producers of Hollywood movies, and we start companies that sell pieces of paper that purport to reduce our so-called 'carbon footprint' so we can stop this gravity change problem.
OK, since the US is the largest emitter of CO2 (well not anymore, but we don't want to mess with China, do we?) let's punish them the most. Can we get every country on board regarding this gravity problem? Hey, we are the United Nations! If it's bad for the US, it's good for us!
Well, actually no, this might be difficult, you see we have some fast growing nations...
