"What are the best alternatives to Paypal that offer both seller and buyer SANE protection both ways?"
What is SANE protection? Is there such a thing? It's in the nature of things that what suits the buyer doesn't suit the seller and vice versa. I think Paypal and Ebay know exactly what they can get away with. Let's face it, they are dominating the market.
To sell vintage camera gear (or everything used for that matter) as a private seller on Ebay has already become a risky business and yet most people do it anyways.
Money orders has become a nightmare as well, as there was so much fraud going on with them. That's why Paypal is so big in the first place. Nowadays you have to wait 10 days for a money order or certified cheque to clear before you can send your item out. I'm sure the buyer loves that...
If I have something camera related to sell, I list it on Kijiji (or Craigslist) first. Now, I'm lucky that I live in the city and there are lot's of potential buyers nearby. If that doesn't work, I list the item on specialized forums, like this one. For me as a seller it would be the best, if the money would be deposited directly to my bank account, like it is done in Europe.
Of course a buyer wouldn't like that as there is "no protection". So how are Europeans doing it? Easy! They didn't establish the "try before you buy" culture in the first place. But I think it's unrealistic to believe we could adopt this model in North America as nobody would accept it.
Maybe Apples new payment system will be better as everything Apple touches seem to turn to gold. But I doubt that it will be better for sellers.
Long term I think there are some solutions to the problem:
1. Local cash deals and the return of the local used camera store and swap meets.
2. Buy only what you really want or need. Do your research before hand, because the "Try it, you can sell it if you don't like it" mentality will go away with those new policies. Because selling will be a PITA. Maybe this will offer a cure for GAS.
3. For online merchants, it's time to drop Paypal altogether and accept credit cards only. But that's not cheap either. If I would have an online business now, I would offer direct bank transfer as an option instead. To encourage direct bank transfers, I would include secure express shipping in the price.