Critique #4 (5 person, 1 image/person)

[sf]

Heres mine. Mamiya 6x4.5. Tri-X asa 400 developed in Microdol-X 1-1.

Well done technically. Nice exposure, well developed, etc.

Crop the top portion of the image off. Bringing her head out of the center of the composition a tad. I feel like maybe choosing a bias to the left or right side, but that might not have any real merit. But, really, I can't visualize how to do this because you don't want to create a disembodied hand on the head. . . and if you cut off the left side, you have the problem of her physical gesture suddenly becoming rather oddly overpowering.

I do think that it looks like she is either reacting to wind or having been hit or nearly hit on the head with something. Her expression of surprise kind of reflects this. Maybe her hat flew off in the wind?

Cute picture. Seems like a good one to have in a series that includes some more formal or less candid shots.

 

[oscroft]

OK, here's are my thoughts in the order the photos were posted...

wlewisiii - I do like industrial subjects (and for some reason I especially like decaying industrial architecture). What I especially like about this one is the juxtaposition with the trees - it's as if nature is encroaching on what man has left behind and is reclaiming it, and so it adds a dynamism to what can easily be a very static subject. My only suggestion for change is that I wonder if it would be improved by cropping more tightly. I'd try a fairly heavy crop at the left - perhaps almost as far as the visible vertical trunk of the tree, and then a crop along the bottom to rebalance the proportions (It would lose the thirds proportions that you have achieved, though, so it might not work, but it might be worth a go).

shutterflower - I love the mood, the thin colours, the model's expression, and the lighting. And I like the vignetting in the top corners - it gives a "naughty Victorian" feel to the picture. But what really makes it for me is the exposure. You've got it spot on in what looks like difficult lighting conditions - her face is exposed just right, and the white clothing is held back from being overblown. I also really like the driftwood - the contrast with the soft texture of the model's skin works well. My constructive criticism has to be the sloping horizon - it may be deliberate, and it may actually work for some people, but for me it distracts my eye a little from the actual subject.

remf - What a great facial expression! And the direction the model is looking and focussing her attention disguises the fact that it is a posed shot and makes it look natural. Lovely mid tones, and very nicely exposed. And the background is excellent too - degree of out-of-focus is just about right, and the dark area behind the model's head helps to draw your eyes to hers. The reflection on her brow just above her left eye, and the contrast between the shadow under her left arm and the bright bit of background are perhaps a bit distracting, but only a little.

RdEoSg - High-key scenes like that are so hard to get right, but I think you've done a splendid job of it - I like it a lot. Exposure looks just about perfect, and I like the way you have two lines (the line of the top of the trees, and the line of the fence posts) converging and drawing the eye into the shot. I'm at a bit of a loss to suggest any improvement in this, but if I had to try something I might try a tighter crop (I can get a bit obsessive about cropping sometimes). Perhaps cropped to just past the leftmost fencepost, and just eliminating that distant post on the right (with top and bottom crops to retain the proportions)? But then again, that might destroy the splendid isolation of the trees, and maybe it's best left well alone. I'd love to see a bigger "print" of this one.

Thanks all, I've enjoyed doing this, and it's gracious of you all to give me the chance to comment in this way.

Best regards,

 

[sf]

FED 1g, J-12, Kodacolor with the colour removed by computer trickery...

like the geometry, textures, composition, except I would not have included the left portion of the image in the frame (or, I wouldn't if I were to frame this). The geometrical continuity and division into thirds works well with the sequence of textures and tones, but is broken somewhat by the left portion where this continuity is not. . . continued. My eye is caught at first by angular offset of the light/shadow thrown by the grate and railing.

I would also correct the tones a little bit. On my monitor, this shot looks slightly bright. BUt, I am on a very bright LCD monitor.

 

[sf]

shutterflower - [...] My constructive criticism has to be the sloping horizon - it may be deliberate, and it may actually work for some people, but for me it distracts my eye a little from the actual subject.

Best regards,

I know. That was an issue for me. We had to choose between a crowd in one background and that skyline in the other. I used the vignetting somewhat to pull down the intensity of the background for this very reason.

 

[sf]

Ok, we've got our 5, so before I toddle off to bed, here is my image. Reala, collapsible 'Cron, sunny 16. A local industrial park that is being turned into condos... 😱 the crane is explicitly to be saved. My gut reaction is "yeah, right..." 😉

William

hmm. . .

The story behind the image adds alot to it. As it stands, I don't find my eye taken anywhere in particular in the image. This might be a decent bit of strategy on your part, maybe highlighting the nature of the scene and the impending development.

I have a hard time shooting things like this. bridges, railroad tracks on bridges, anything made of metal like this, cranes, whatever, I have a hard time finding eye catching form without using wide angle lenses and extreme POVs that create sharply converging lines. If you had found a way of bringing the crane into more prominence in the image, or even knocking it way down below the surroundings, that would have produced a bit more useful contrast to the composition. It has more historical and informative value than aesthetic value - which is really the use of the picture as you explain in your caption. . . so my comments mean nothing, really, since I am criticizing the image as if it were some attempt at bringing a beautiful perspective on cranes into life on film.

 

[RdEoSg]

wlewisiii: I really like how you've taken something industrial and thrown in nature as well. It's an interesting combination. One thing I might have tried, though I don't know if I would like it better or not would have been to throw the plants out of focus some so that you could still tell what they were, but then the industrial part was sharp. As it is I have a bit of a hard time figuring out where the subject is. It's obvious that its supposed to be the metal parts, but I can't help but feel too much is in focus!

oscroft: The shadow really makes this image for me. I love the diagonal lines running through it and the break up of the bricks. The only thing I would have done and I think someone else mentioned it as well was to possibly darken down the bottom bricks some. I am using a laptop with a bit of a bright screen though so they could be darker on a normal monitor already!

shutterflower: I like the square crop on this and the vingetting on the edges of it. she has a great look! My only alteration would be to get a bit more light on her face, especially the eyes so they really pop! As they are now, they get lost in the shadow a bit.

remrf: Ok I'm having a hell of a time with this one! I just love the shot! As it is I wouldn't recomend anything, but since that is the object and we are supposed to say something, I guess all I could think of would be to possibly crop closer to the top of her head. It's just dead space at the top to me, but thats just a personal thing. I like to chop the tops of heads off, to others thats a major no no!

Well done everyone.. and I apologize for being so late at this. I just got back from the film festival. Been there for 12 hours straight today!! And again tomorrow! 😛 I got some great shots in the projection booth though with the big 35mm projectors running!

 

[oscroft]

Thanks everyone for you comments.

Everyone has picked up on the lightness of the bricks at the bottom, and I agree. The ground below them was composed of very light stone slabs, so the lower bricks got extra illumination by reflection.

Considering going back to the original colour version, the bricks are quite nicely coloured (a mid reddish tone), but I really don't like it in colour (in fact, the first thing I thought when I saw the pic was that it desperately needed to be in B&W) - to me the colour distracts from the line and form. I've had a play with just leaving a little thin colour in place, but that just looks silly.

I'll have to have a play with GraphicConverter (it's a Mac photo utility - I don't have PhotoShop) and see if there's anything I can do regarding "burning in".

Thanks again,

 

[oscroft]

I know. That was an issue for me. We had to choose between a crowd in one background and that skyline in the other. I used the vignetting somewhat to pull down the intensity of the background for this very reason.

The thing that made me wonder whether the horizon was deliberate is that coupled with the vignetting, it gives the image a kind of "what the butler saw" feel 😉

If people ask, tell them it was deliberate 🙂

 

[remrf]

Thanks to all who participated in this round of critiques. I think every one of the suggestions concerning my posted photo have merit.

Wlewisiii nailed the circumstance perfectly. The shot was taken in the middle of a more "serious" session when the wind blew the model's hair and she turned from the position we were working and ran her hand through her hair. I was looking through the viewfinder at the time and liked what I saw so I had her do it again with a smile. As has happened to me more than once the "chance" shot of the session turned out to be one of,if not the best of the session.

I went back and looked at the full framed scan and there is nothing I can do concerning the left/right positioning of the model to get more or less of her hand or elbow or to change the centering of the shot very much. What you saw is the full frame. However I could play with the crop at the top and I did. I will have to live with it for a few days to see how I like it but first impression is that there was more space at the top than was needed and a tighter crop will work. I also got rid of the shine on her eyebrow as was also pointed out.

The first image is the full scan of the image. The second is the new crop. The third is the other "good" shot from the session. Or at least my other favorite. The model chose two that I did not like at all.

My sense of framing is telling me in the new crop her head is being crowded slightly. But my original upload had a bit too much space at the top so somewhere between those two points is the right place. I'll find it. 🙂

 

[remrf]

Oops. Got the wrong image in the first post. The first image should be this one. And the third mentioned is this one.

 

[wlewisiii]

Thank you all for your comments, I find them quite helpful. I'll try and address some of them now.

There is little sky detail because it was a solid overcast day. It was the fact that the crane stood out against that dull sky that intially caught my eye. I then moved until I found an angle on it that I liked (while trying to keep my son from running off down the bike path we were walking home on.) The greens made a nice vase, if you will for the metalic tones above. I was using sunny-16 that day and so had the aperture at around f16 and with a 4 year old along I didn't have enough time to play with opening it up to put the forground out of focus though it might be interesting to go back and try that someother time.

On cropping - when shooting smaller formats like 35mm & 6x6 I tend to try to frame in the finder to avoid doing much cropping in post processing. That doesn't mean I don't do it, just that I often don't think about it. In LF by contrast, I try to frame more loosely to have more cropping possibilities. Thinking about Oscroft's comments, I've done a tighter crop to see how it looks.

This is a type of subject I enjoy - decaying industrial remains. OTOH, I don't really care for gloom and doom looks either, so I tend to try to present them in the context of "life goes on". My recent "Burying Ground" series was done with that in mind as well.

Thanks again,

William

 

[oscroft]

My sense of framing is telling me in the new crop her head is being crowded slightly. But my original upload had a bit too much space at the top so somewhere between those two points is the right place. I'll find it

I wasn't one of the ones who suggested cropping some off the top, but now that I've seen it I agree. But I agree with you that that's perhaps too much. I'd suggest maybe cropping so that the centre of the model's eyeline is at the 1/3 down position and then varying it from there (it's a little higher than that at the moment).

I like that second shot too.

 

[sf]

REMRF :

your second shot in that most recent post is a good one. Her expression is somewhat mixed, but I like the angle. Might have tried a bit more frontal on her, instead of totally behind the tree, but that is a personal opinion and has nothing to do with the merit of your picture.

I like it. It would be a nice compliment to the first shot you posted in this thread.

 

[RdEoSg]

Well about my image then! Thank you for the comments first off. If any of you hadn't worked out what the location was, it was Auschwitz. I agree on croping in on the left some what for the image. I prefer to leave in the right side, but I understand why some of you commented to crop it. In a bigger print it is much easier to see than small, but actually one of the secrets of figuring out what the image is, is on the right side. It is the famous building that the rail cars would come through to deliver the people. Think Schindlers List. It's much more obvious to see in a big print though. On the left side is actually the remains of one of the gas chambers, which is what the signs are describing. However, because of the snow covering it all, you can't really tell so I do think it is a bit distracting to see the modern signs there. I croped it out for a big print, but forgot to in this one!

One a side note, I put the big print of this in the Orange County Fair competiton here and won 2nd place in the pro division, so I was pretty pleased! Even better, and much more touching and satisfying for me though was that upon picking up the image after the fair, I found out someone is interested in buying it even after I had put down that it was not for sale. The lady has extended family members who were both survivors of the holocaust and also family members that perished. It was very touching to hear how much the image moved her.

I can honestly say this image and the others that go in the series are the most important I have ever taken. Its become a project for me and next year sometime I will be going back to do more work there.

 

[sf]

RdEoSg :

I would leave in the right, take out the far left past the end of the treeline.

 

[RdEoSg]

It's not a bad idea 😉