The Elusive Carrot
The Elusive Carrot
Has anyone else had the experience of hanging a carrot out there that you never allow yourself to reach? For instance, a young lady was shooting professionally and making money with a Nikon FE2 and in her mind the camera to end all cameras was the Nikon F3; also she had convinced herself that she would
never be able to afford one. My advice to her (I'm always better at giving it then taking it

) was that the ticket for admission just wasn't that expensive anymore, and if this is what she truly wanted she should by all means just go do it.
Now, I'm not so sure this is sound advice afterall -- maybe, maybe not. In photography my elusive carrot has been, for more than thirty years, the 100mm f/2 Kinoptik Apochromatic lens for the Alpa. I told myself that if I could ever be so lucky as to find/afford one that would be it -- no more haunting eBay and the classic shops, no more collecting; just go out, shoot and enjoy it. I did it: I found one and as nice as it is I must admit there's an emptiness now, like there is nothing left -- the hunt's over. I know, I can always create a new interest and obsession (it's one thing I'm good at!) but I held onto this particular one for more than thirty years and now there is a real bittersweetness to it all. Fact of the matter is I don't see another obsession taking the place of this one; I held onto it for too long and nothing else carries the import of this one. Make no mistake, I'm still ecstatic and will quite likely open a bottle of bubbly when it arrives, but I also know that excitement will wane.
My grandfather, and a few other gentlemen I knew from his generation, held Cadillac automobiles in the highest regard. A Cadillac was his carrot, he often proclaimed that some day he
might be able to afford a Cadillac. He drove very nice Buicks his entire life and died with the ability to have bought his "dream" many, many times over. But, it was an elusive goal that he maintained as unattainable in his life, always something to look forward to. And now I'm left contemplating his wisdom.