Section II
Chapter Six:
The stewardess jostles Buck awake from his power nap. She says “dinner will be delayed a while, sir. We’re going to be having some turbulence.” Buck stretches and replies with a wink, “Those don’t agree with me, darling. Could I substitute carrots or hominy?” She smiles and says “The Robin Hood plan, right?”
Buck realizes it is time for him to switch into secret agent mode, so he makes his way into the rest room where he changes into fresh jeans, wrapping his others in the barf bag and stashing them in his case.
Chapter Seven:
After great effort, Buck finds a Gremlin at the Tokyo “Rent-A-Wreck” lot. Heading toward town, he sees “Suzio’s Camera Repair” tucked into a cluster of small stores, so he parks and steps inside. Suzio says “Gleetings.” Buck replies “I speak Japanese.” Suzio says “Yes, but readers of this book possibry just be confuse by that, so I speak in Engrish with exaggelated accent, for speciar effect.” Buck asks “Should I speak with an accent, also?” Suzio says “If you wish.” Buck replies “Sho’ nuff, bro. This stone righteous Mamiya be busted.” Suzio says “I think maybe your Mamiya just reeks, but I can fix that.” Buck says “Well, yeah, that’s because I had to put into the case with the jeans I peed in when Hodpecker pop a cap at me. Is there a laundry in this here hood?” Suzio says “Your camera reeks right.” Buck says “Right! I practically peed on it, so it should reek.” Suzio groans and points to the Chinese laundry across the way.
Chapter Eight:
Buck steps out of Suzio’s with his barf bag, heading for the laundry. An hour later he returns to the camera shop with his jeans cleaned and says to Suzio “Say, little buddy, that Chinese laundry seems to be run by Indian people. What the heck is that about?” Suzio replies “You don’t read the paper? Everything is being outsourced now.” Buck says “Hey, where is your accent?” Suzio says “It was too tedious, and besides I grew up in Idaho. I repaired the light leak in your camera. That will be $20.” Buck says “where did you find the light seal material to repair it?” Suzio says “ From Interslice on E-Bay. It is the best anywhere, and look…here is a link to the site where his repair instructions are hosted for free:
http://www.kyphoto.com/classics/sealreplacement.html There are two sets for Mamiya cameras, and it is all so easy.” Buck says “I really like that Japanese music on your radio.” Suzio replies “That is ‘Bad Sneakers’ by Steely Dan with Michael McDonald singing in the background. Are you a product of that miserable Robin Hood plan?”
Chapter Nine:
On the way to the hotel, Buck senses he is being followed. He thinks to himself “What would Tom Cruise do?” A faraway voice in his brain says “Hey dumbass, take a look at some popular opinion polls. Nobody cares.” Buck frowns with the expression of a person who doesn’t quite understand but suspects he should.
Chapter Ten:
Relaxing in his hotel room, Diamond hears a knock followed by the muffled words “Loom Service.” Buck opens the door to find two Japanese men who rapidly tie and blindfold him. They are armed and they have legs, too. Rummaging through his case and speaking in Japanese, one asks “Is this the American agent we are supposed to kill? It smells like he peed in this case, and he is driving a Gremlin. I think you followed the wrong car.” The second one says “contact Ahna Mata Poeia. Ask her what to do next.”
Chapter Eleven:
Ahna answers her phone and after a brief conversation in Japanese says “Rats! I think news of our diabolical plot leaked and you have a decoy. Release him and head straight for Ouchy-Lausanne. I’ll meet you there. We must accelerate the plan.” The Japanese man asks Ahna “What if he understands what we’ve been talking about?” She replies “An incontinent Gremlin-driving Texan who probably was educated under the unconstitutional Robin Hood plan? Have you forgotten we’re speaking in Japanese? He wouldn’t understand if you drew him pictures.” “Good point” says her henchman and lets Buck loose. “So solly, mister Buck. Honorable hamburger with flench flies will be sent up soon.”
Chapter Twelve:
Buck is wondering how they managed to remove all the taste from the hamburger when it dawns on him “Hey, I can speak Japanese and I only lose control when people are shooting at me! I wonder why those room service guys and that woman named Ahna were going to a town on the French-Swiss border? Something is telling me to follow them. It might be the same fellow who answered my question about Tom Cruise.” With this, he frowns again and cocks his head to the side for effect.
Chapter Thirteen:
Pulling the Gremlin into Ouchy-Lausanne, Buck sees two shadowy looking men heading across the border. They look Japanese, but they are shorter and more heavy-set than he remembers from the hotel. He wonders if they could be twins. All these people look the same, he laments. But he takes a picture of them from the comfort of his car anyway.
Chapter Fourteen:
Buck swaggers down the stairs into the dark smoky rathskeller near the border crossing. A tall shapely female is eating from a cheese tray at the bar. She is sitting with her back to him, but he can see the curvature of her face as her long thin fingers reach for the cheese and his loins start to ache. Buck slips the electronic flash on his Mamiya and flips the switch to turn it on. Hearing the telltale “zzzzz” of the flash unit, Ahna spins around to face Buck, reaching into her purse at the same time. Buck snaps the picture, and the flash blinds her. She fires the small Russian derringer she has pulled from her purse toward the source of the light, and above Buck’s head wood flies from the thick roof beam. He runs upstairs quickly, but avoids peeing on himself this time. He wonders if she was eating Swiss cheese or Velveeta or maybe that Pepperjack cheese he likes Nymphia to put on quesadillas. He wonders if they eat quesadillas wherever Ahna lives. For a moment he considers whether he could open a quesadilla restaurant there. He’s quite pensive for a fellow running up a flight of stairs.
(conclusion will be in Section III)
