Personally it appears that it is simply a 'nearly' shot. I don't have an issue around the two stories idea as I think it would make a nice image of an intergenerational 'talking to' during a picnic or family gathering but the timing and positioning of the photographer isn't quite right to get it across; both are fractionally wrong IMO.
Some people have a problem with intentional cropping of peoples bodies within the frame, others find it perfectly acceptable though this only works when the composition is strong enough, here I don't think it is and so you should have ( if you could ) moved to create a stonger comp.
I'm also interested in why you posted this for discussion, what makes it fail or work for you?
I have so many images that have failed due to my timing being fractionally out or not being in quite the right position to create the composition that would probably have made the image 'worthwhile.'
As for gallery comments on images, I understand not everyone wants their images critiqued, is capable of a decent critique or is interested in what others have to say. However, I for one wish that more people would give, polite, constructive criticism as its an interesting process to realise what others make of your photographs even if you disagree with their summation.