Calzone
Gear Whore #1
I got an hour and 45 minutes in the woods. I was in Blue Mountain Preserve and continued my exploration of trails where I would not be so underbiked. Had some success where I had just the right amount of challenge using the steel IBIS. Some climbs I could clean, and others I got jammed up and had to walk to crest.
I am also pleased with how my bike handling skills are coming along. I would loose my momentum on some climbs, but I was able to recover from stand stills which is my way of saying very brief track stands with my wheels trapped in either roots or rocks. These slow speed skills are what I need, and the steel IBIS is now kinda optimized for what I am doing. The last tweaking of the handlebars did wonders to keeping the front end n the ground, avoiding the wheelie effect.
I love that I can roll out the steel IBIS out of my shed to avoid bringing a muddy bike into the house. I love that I can ride two blocks and be in Blue Mountain. I love that I finally found some trails that my old retro bike is not so underbiked with just the right amount of challenge.
Before my ride I cut the clover screening to size, I glued two planks, and moved the spruce branches down the slope as well as some light Knotweeding.
Time now to glue another two planks, and hit the guitars.
BTW the seller of the stem I wanted/needed took my offer. Happy-happy.
Cal
I am also pleased with how my bike handling skills are coming along. I would loose my momentum on some climbs, but I was able to recover from stand stills which is my way of saying very brief track stands with my wheels trapped in either roots or rocks. These slow speed skills are what I need, and the steel IBIS is now kinda optimized for what I am doing. The last tweaking of the handlebars did wonders to keeping the front end n the ground, avoiding the wheelie effect.
I love that I can roll out the steel IBIS out of my shed to avoid bringing a muddy bike into the house. I love that I can ride two blocks and be in Blue Mountain. I love that I finally found some trails that my old retro bike is not so underbiked with just the right amount of challenge.
Before my ride I cut the clover screening to size, I glued two planks, and moved the spruce branches down the slope as well as some light Knotweeding.
Time now to glue another two planks, and hit the guitars.
BTW the seller of the stem I wanted/needed took my offer. Happy-happy.
Cal
Calzone
Gear Whore #1
“Maggie” informs me that the mass shooter from Maine a few months ago was at Camp Smith which is just north of Peekskill.
Evidently back then there was some incident that moved to a psych eval.
I hope he is not coming back to Camp Smith to seek some form of revenge.
This shooter abandoned his car and is reported to have escaped by boat. At this point he could be anywhere. Clamp Smith is close to home.
I got to play in the new Santa Cruz Model “F” for a good part of the afternoon. It really opened up a lot and I would deem it a different guitar after today. Of course it got louder and fuller, but the most dramatic change is the big bottom end that now booms with authority. The bass response is mighty great and at the top end there is this new sheen as well.
I already knew I had a great guitar, but now I deem it an incredible guitar.
Today’s ride in the woods was at a rather slow speed for safety. Pretty much walking speed on the climbs and by no means using momentum as a crutch. I had to depend on skill by itself to navigate rocks and roots. The steel IBIS proved itself to be a great bike for this style of riding.
I also ran 18 PSI on the front tire and 20 PSI on the rear. Both tires are 2.3 inches wide and use tubes. Because I weigh so little I can get away with crazy low pressures to gain traction and grip.
I can see me progressing to more difficult trails as my skills develop. It would be mighty cool not needing a full suspension 29’er with UBER wide tires. Doing advanced technical trails on an old school mountain bike would be a very strong statement.
I might have to groom a 24 inch trunk of a tree that fell across my newly discovered trail. I have a small 7 inch Milwaukee chainsaw that would require cutting out some wedges to deal with the limited size of my tool. Down trees abound and new detours change the trail, but this tree is rather huge to go around.
The second glue job did not come out so great. I will use my table saw to cut the seam and try again tomorrow. Oh-well…
On the book front it seems that much of the promotion is done by the authors. The publishers really don’t do much, in fact they do little and are mighty lame. This is the feedback I get from Maggie and her writer friends. You should know that all this is a great source of stress and mucho unhappiness. For me it is a really good reason not to be a writer.
At this point I am living the dream where I’m doing many things in a relaxed manner. In today’s ride I did not want to push myself because I’m still not 100%. I still have a cough, but the green rubbery snot period is over.
The stem I won by providing an offer with free shipping should be deliver on Halloween. This will compound my savings because I will recycle a carbon fiber handlebar I have on hand. Awesome.
Tomorrow’s weather pretty much will be more or less a repeat of today. I will likely go out for a perhaps 3 hour ride to foster my skills. I do the reglue job, and will proceed to staining the door frames. Maggie was mucho impressed with the gold anodized clover screens in place. Now she realized that the canvas bins will draw the eye with the cabinet doors closed. No surprise to me, Ha-ha.
Also the panels I’m joining to get the width I need pretty much will look one-piece because I matched the stock In the store.
Sometime it pays to be a delusional artist. We have imagination. Perhaps some OCD qualities are mixed in for good measure.
Cal
Evidently back then there was some incident that moved to a psych eval.
I hope he is not coming back to Camp Smith to seek some form of revenge.
This shooter abandoned his car and is reported to have escaped by boat. At this point he could be anywhere. Clamp Smith is close to home.
I got to play in the new Santa Cruz Model “F” for a good part of the afternoon. It really opened up a lot and I would deem it a different guitar after today. Of course it got louder and fuller, but the most dramatic change is the big bottom end that now booms with authority. The bass response is mighty great and at the top end there is this new sheen as well.
I already knew I had a great guitar, but now I deem it an incredible guitar.
Today’s ride in the woods was at a rather slow speed for safety. Pretty much walking speed on the climbs and by no means using momentum as a crutch. I had to depend on skill by itself to navigate rocks and roots. The steel IBIS proved itself to be a great bike for this style of riding.
I also ran 18 PSI on the front tire and 20 PSI on the rear. Both tires are 2.3 inches wide and use tubes. Because I weigh so little I can get away with crazy low pressures to gain traction and grip.
I can see me progressing to more difficult trails as my skills develop. It would be mighty cool not needing a full suspension 29’er with UBER wide tires. Doing advanced technical trails on an old school mountain bike would be a very strong statement.
I might have to groom a 24 inch trunk of a tree that fell across my newly discovered trail. I have a small 7 inch Milwaukee chainsaw that would require cutting out some wedges to deal with the limited size of my tool. Down trees abound and new detours change the trail, but this tree is rather huge to go around.
The second glue job did not come out so great. I will use my table saw to cut the seam and try again tomorrow. Oh-well…
On the book front it seems that much of the promotion is done by the authors. The publishers really don’t do much, in fact they do little and are mighty lame. This is the feedback I get from Maggie and her writer friends. You should know that all this is a great source of stress and mucho unhappiness. For me it is a really good reason not to be a writer.
At this point I am living the dream where I’m doing many things in a relaxed manner. In today’s ride I did not want to push myself because I’m still not 100%. I still have a cough, but the green rubbery snot period is over.
The stem I won by providing an offer with free shipping should be deliver on Halloween. This will compound my savings because I will recycle a carbon fiber handlebar I have on hand. Awesome.
Tomorrow’s weather pretty much will be more or less a repeat of today. I will likely go out for a perhaps 3 hour ride to foster my skills. I do the reglue job, and will proceed to staining the door frames. Maggie was mucho impressed with the gold anodized clover screens in place. Now she realized that the canvas bins will draw the eye with the cabinet doors closed. No surprise to me, Ha-ha.
Also the panels I’m joining to get the width I need pretty much will look one-piece because I matched the stock In the store.
Sometime it pays to be a delusional artist. We have imagination. Perhaps some OCD qualities are mixed in for good measure.
Cal
Calzone
Gear Whore #1
Pretty much most of my life has been centered around building one-offs.
At Grumman I built prototype electronics as part of research. Some of my work flew on planes and was space related. Then there were the two big projects at two different National Labs. One was a Star Wars project for a space based weapon; the other was a large Super Conductor Heavy Ion Collider that was big enough to be visible from space with the naked eye.
The point here is that I have an art degree, and pretty much as a visual artist my paintings were one-offs. The big point is like I said, “Most of my life has been centered around building one-offs.”
This leads to me not really being involved in mass production, consumerism, or mass appeal. My “center” has strongly been creative and relied on my individual vision of “problem solving.” I made ideas tangible and real, and much of this involved technology and “proof of principle” involving abstract reasoning and thinking that was not tangible.
Yesterday “Maggie” had a meeting with anther digital influencer who went through “influencer-burnout” that also has a book contract. Pretty much the same story of individual expression getting co-opted, commodified, and commercialized into a “hampster-wheel” like effect that becomes unsustainable that gets corrupted by profit, income and capitolism.
Maggie and this younger woman basically lost their individuality, lost themselves pretty completely, and eventually kinda lost their lives. Both experienced a ten-year period where this got played out. Maggie also knows other digital-influencers who pretty much went through the same experience.
Along the way, the income grows, and so does the Ego. I can say that some of the flattery wears off into believing that one is “special” or so “great” to where it creates arrogance.
Truth be told, is “Maggie” contends that because of Accidental Icon, her persona that she created, that we were able to buy this house. I don’t think this is natively true, and I believe it is an exaggeration. I found this to be arrogant, but the back-peddling is that she contends that my photography was a big part of her success and that she always gave me credit for my contribution.
Meanwhile the work I did for Maggie I do not consider my own, nor do I really consider it art except the shots I took for myself of privileged events we attended.
So now the book promotion is another endless treadmill that kinda is a repeat of the burnout and frenzied life that Maggie talks about is reoccurring. Capitolism, Commercialism, and Co-option, all with capitol “C” is happening all over again with stress and unhappiness as part of the bargain.
Meanwhile I buy tools and build a bathroom cabinet… Who is happy? Who is really moving forward? Who is really in control? Who is doing something sustainable? Who is true to themselves? Who is being humble?
Like I say, “I never knew anyone with a complicated life that was truly happy.”
Anyways the projects I build are an extension of me, my center, and what I value. It is interesting how many get swept up into B.S. that in the end are a waste of time that are dead ends.
I can say, “Here we go again…”
Cal
At Grumman I built prototype electronics as part of research. Some of my work flew on planes and was space related. Then there were the two big projects at two different National Labs. One was a Star Wars project for a space based weapon; the other was a large Super Conductor Heavy Ion Collider that was big enough to be visible from space with the naked eye.
The point here is that I have an art degree, and pretty much as a visual artist my paintings were one-offs. The big point is like I said, “Most of my life has been centered around building one-offs.”
This leads to me not really being involved in mass production, consumerism, or mass appeal. My “center” has strongly been creative and relied on my individual vision of “problem solving.” I made ideas tangible and real, and much of this involved technology and “proof of principle” involving abstract reasoning and thinking that was not tangible.
Yesterday “Maggie” had a meeting with anther digital influencer who went through “influencer-burnout” that also has a book contract. Pretty much the same story of individual expression getting co-opted, commodified, and commercialized into a “hampster-wheel” like effect that becomes unsustainable that gets corrupted by profit, income and capitolism.
Maggie and this younger woman basically lost their individuality, lost themselves pretty completely, and eventually kinda lost their lives. Both experienced a ten-year period where this got played out. Maggie also knows other digital-influencers who pretty much went through the same experience.
Along the way, the income grows, and so does the Ego. I can say that some of the flattery wears off into believing that one is “special” or so “great” to where it creates arrogance.
Truth be told, is “Maggie” contends that because of Accidental Icon, her persona that she created, that we were able to buy this house. I don’t think this is natively true, and I believe it is an exaggeration. I found this to be arrogant, but the back-peddling is that she contends that my photography was a big part of her success and that she always gave me credit for my contribution.
Meanwhile the work I did for Maggie I do not consider my own, nor do I really consider it art except the shots I took for myself of privileged events we attended.
So now the book promotion is another endless treadmill that kinda is a repeat of the burnout and frenzied life that Maggie talks about is reoccurring. Capitolism, Commercialism, and Co-option, all with capitol “C” is happening all over again with stress and unhappiness as part of the bargain.
Meanwhile I buy tools and build a bathroom cabinet… Who is happy? Who is really moving forward? Who is really in control? Who is doing something sustainable? Who is true to themselves? Who is being humble?
Like I say, “I never knew anyone with a complicated life that was truly happy.”
Anyways the projects I build are an extension of me, my center, and what I value. It is interesting how many get swept up into B.S. that in the end are a waste of time that are dead ends.
I can say, “Here we go again…”
Cal
jszokoli
Well-known
Cal,
What you are describing with "Maggie" and the other influencer is called WORK.
It is effort that does not exactly align with what you want to be doing. Very few people do what they want and get paid for it.
Anyone who knows you knows how you hate work...
Joe
What you are describing with "Maggie" and the other influencer is called WORK.
It is effort that does not exactly align with what you want to be doing. Very few people do what they want and get paid for it.
Anyone who knows you knows how you hate work...
Joe
Calzone
Gear Whore #1
Joe,
How true is your definition.
Initially blogging was fun, but then came the monetizing and becoming a digital influencer. Then it became a job and lost it’s meaning as a form of free expression.
But the flip side is that Maggie is 70 years old and retired.
One one hand I’m retired and I don’t work.
Maggie is a different story…
Also what I posted about is about creativity and how it gets valued. My artistic skills at Grumman and two National Labs was appreciated and I was given lots of freedom.
Maggie’s world of creative pursuit is more loaded and fraught than anyone can imagine.
BTW working at Grumman was actually fun for me. I’m proud of the work I did there and not only did I accomplish a lot, I also learned what one man can do. Grumman was the 4th largest defense contractor in the U.S. and employed around or close to 30K employees. I had support and infrastructure you can only imagine.
For many retirement is not easy…
Lastly my job at the renown hospital was a hostile situation. I’m surprised I lasted so long to my credit. I had to deal with narcissists, and mentally ill co-workers, and the organization was dysfunctional. I had a boss that was a bully, and work was dealing with chaos and emergencies that was mostly nonsense and insane.
You should know that 22 years of crap leaves a residue and bad taste. I do not dislike work, in fact if I didn’t I would of never escaped poverty and I would not have developed so many skills.
What I’m saying there is a flip side to work where it can be great like at Grumman or crappy like at the hospital where I worked the longest job of my life.
Cal
How true is your definition.
Initially blogging was fun, but then came the monetizing and becoming a digital influencer. Then it became a job and lost it’s meaning as a form of free expression.
But the flip side is that Maggie is 70 years old and retired.
One one hand I’m retired and I don’t work.
Maggie is a different story…
Also what I posted about is about creativity and how it gets valued. My artistic skills at Grumman and two National Labs was appreciated and I was given lots of freedom.
Maggie’s world of creative pursuit is more loaded and fraught than anyone can imagine.
BTW working at Grumman was actually fun for me. I’m proud of the work I did there and not only did I accomplish a lot, I also learned what one man can do. Grumman was the 4th largest defense contractor in the U.S. and employed around or close to 30K employees. I had support and infrastructure you can only imagine.
For many retirement is not easy…
Lastly my job at the renown hospital was a hostile situation. I’m surprised I lasted so long to my credit. I had to deal with narcissists, and mentally ill co-workers, and the organization was dysfunctional. I had a boss that was a bully, and work was dealing with chaos and emergencies that was mostly nonsense and insane.
You should know that 22 years of crap leaves a residue and bad taste. I do not dislike work, in fact if I didn’t I would of never escaped poverty and I would not have developed so many skills.
What I’m saying there is a flip side to work where it can be great like at Grumman or crappy like at the hospital where I worked the longest job of my life.
Cal
jszokoli
Well-known
Cal,
I think there is value in firms giving people latitude to be creative. Lots of good things can happen in that space. Sadly most employers don't see that. It is strange how what would seem to be a self directed endeavor like "Maggie's" take that turn to where the job is running you.
And while your co-workers/bosses were the worst of what "work" could be, keeping the "machine" working seemed to take some creativity. Now if that was recognized is another story.
Joe
I think there is value in firms giving people latitude to be creative. Lots of good things can happen in that space. Sadly most employers don't see that. It is strange how what would seem to be a self directed endeavor like "Maggie's" take that turn to where the job is running you.
And while your co-workers/bosses were the worst of what "work" could be, keeping the "machine" working seemed to take some creativity. Now if that was recognized is another story.
Joe
Phil_F_NM
Camera hacker
I think Work or work comes down to trust and supervisors, even within a toxic system. You could work at the same job, within a toxic work environment, with a bad boss who drank the kool aid and it would really suck. You could also work at that exact same place, same toxic corporate structure, but if your supervisor gives you latitude to work, trust in your ability, and recognizes your value, then it's not just you against the system; it can become a good job. I had both of those experiences within the Navy, as well as within other jobs both before and after. My current job sees me in a mentally stressful, negatively aromatic, potentially physically unhealthy (I'm sure I caught this cold at work), environment with a lot of responsibility. The saving grace is that my facility director is incredibly supportive. She gives all of us therapists the latitude and trust to care for our residents (patients) and use creative means to help them in mental health recovery and maintenance. I can't imagine doing that job, within this massive healthcare network (which instituted things like "quality metrics" that have no place in a purely subjective field like mental health) with any other director. The day after she leaves (if she does before I do) I'm out. There are a lot of jobs out there for a master's level therapist, and I refuse to work within an oppressive system, when I can simply go do my own thing.
On the bike front, "Herb" (I'll see if it sticks) the Monster Raleigh has Superbe brake calipers on the way. Suntour Sprint BB is on the way after I threw out a lowball offer. Still waiting on my LBS for a VO Enterprise rim, and then I'll just need to build my wheels. This bike is going to be brutal.
Phil
On the bike front, "Herb" (I'll see if it sticks) the Monster Raleigh has Superbe brake calipers on the way. Suntour Sprint BB is on the way after I threw out a lowball offer. Still waiting on my LBS for a VO Enterprise rim, and then I'll just need to build my wheels. This bike is going to be brutal.
Phil
Calzone
Gear Whore #1
Phil,
I love the name Herb and to add an adjective Brutal Herb.
I had 17 years at Grumman and it was a very good place for me to really grow up and become the man I am.
I have to be honest and say that all my 22 years at the hospital were not hell. Perhaps only half or 10-11 years were bad. I did get my MFA in Creative Writing paid for by the hospital ( I graduated in 2005). I also got mucho great benefits and a magnificent pension. I also get a medical benefit that kinda comes close to covering my Medicare Part “B” expense for the reset of my life that is untaxed.
My point is that it was only half bad. You also have to understand that when I get treated like an A-hole there is bound to be mucho trouble and hell to pay. I am a creative and clever guy with the ability to be a real A-hole. Pretty much if treated like one I might as well assume the identity and piss people off.
In the end I did a lot of mucho mean things to screw people over. I was mighty evil, and pretty much in the end I won. I let crazy people screw themselves where eventually they pissed off the wrong people, and then justice got served.
My mentally ill big boss got pushed out, and then my immediate supervisor the bully in turn got pushed out. In the end I was the only survivor. I left on my own terms. For more than two years I was a one-man band with no backup. I also knew ahead of time that this was not sustainable, no real surprise that they were abandoning the off campus cyclotron. Eyes wide open…
Serge had a meeting with me and told me they were going to walk away from the cyclotron that I operated and was responsible for at a remote facility and then asked me what my future plans were.
When I told my big supervisor I was planning on finishing out the year and in December I would retire It made it easy for him. Pretty much it was his dream come true. His intent was retraining me and creating a position for me. You should know that he did not have to be kind to me, but out of respect I had it my way.
This December will mark my second year of retirement, but know that I used “banked“ vacation time to fill the gap from the day before Thanksgiving to December 31st. The vacation bank basically was my bridge.
My situation was that I was employed by one big hospital, but my lab was “off-campus” and located at another big hospital. Understand that this was a “joint” agreement and a shared facility. I was in a rather novel position working remotely before the term existed in a way, and the second hospital had some real problems, a rather high turnover rate, and some rather ill people that were prone to anxiety attacks and full blown panic attacks.
This one PhD. Radio Chemist also got pushed out. He kinda screwed himself… There was another PhD. Scientist/Chemist who hated me. If he could he told my bully boss he would fire me. Ha-ha. I love it.
I was running the cyclotron creating a huge neutron field and mucho radiation, when this PhD come in with a tour of VIP guests, and he basically and arrogantly pushes the button to open a 30 thousand pound door that is made of Boriated concrete and filled with interlocking lead bricks for shielding.
Pretty much I intercept the beam and start screaming at him that I had beam on a target and he just irradiated his guests with a huge neutron blast. I closed the door and screamed at him don’t ever do that again.
This man was arrogant. Know that he had these bug eyes and resembled a Cock-Roach. I could of made a really big stink of this and could of call Radiation Safety. I let it go…
In the end this PhD came to work and spent a year writing a college textbook on particle beam accelerators. Meanwhile he shirked his work duties and eventually he got fired.
Again pretty much I let people screw themselves. I outlasted all of them Ha-ha… Call me mucho evil, but I get great satisfaction from this.
A hostile work environment I would not wish on anyone, but know I had my way and got my payback. “Good things happen to good people,“ I say. In the end I got my revenge.
Know I was taken advantage of by the second hospital. I was not employed by them and was kinda treated as free-labor. In fact they really took advantage of me and did not really appreciate my service. I played my cards…
My bully boss had left after being pushed out, I was a one-man band for about 2 1/2 -3 years, and since they did not hire a backup for me I already knew I was on borrowed time. The cyclotron was perhaps 17 years old, but gently used and well maintained, but under the above conditions I minimized the maintenance.
Oh-well then a catastrophic vacuum leak and the cyclotron was down for about a month. A 17 year old o-ring cracked and gave way. If I remember correctly this also involved a water leak. Oh-well.
Then pretty much it was a crisis for the second hospital. “Oh-well” says Calvin. Pretty much I call Vancouver and get technical assistance. I wait for parts. All these people at the second hospital are stressed. Oh-well says Calvin again, because people are interrupting me from fixing the machine by asking for status reports.
One PhD a Doctor “B” who is universally hated annoys me so much that I purposely go into slow down mode for retribution. I drag things out on purpose and pretty much create evil. “Ha-ha” I say. I pretty much am a jerk dragging things out to be mean.
Somewhere in this story a new Cyclotron Engineer is being hired at the main campus. In this timeline he is on th job for about a year before I retired. I train him to be my backup. I teach him stuff he does not know like how cryogenic helium pumps work in vacuum systems. In the end I groom him to avoid supporting the second hospital. I also am like a God Father protecting him from harm/evil and advise him on the politics and who not to piss off.
Anyways I kinda plant a poison pill. I leave chaos and a complete mess. I tell the new cyclotron engineer that he should remove our tools and equipment and relocate all that gear to the main campus.
In turn he tells me to help myself to anything left behind I can take home. Oh-well says Calvin.
So the only collateral damage is our friend Chris. Sorry Chris for the mess I made, but this was not to spite you.
Last I heard that the second hospital paid some big sum of money to have a now 21-22 year old cyclotron overhauled and rebuilt. This is a 50 tonne machine. I can see some field service reps flying in from Vancouver trying to work on a cyclotron with no tools on site. “Ha-ha,” says Calvin. “Ha-ha” again.
Am I evil? Am I a terrorist?
Also know that I found out after I left that the new Cyclotron Engineer was asked to lend a hand and the second hospital got a firm “No.” “Ha-ha-ha..” three times.
Why do I laugh so much.
BTW do you how hard it is to find a quaffed experienced cyclotron engineer? Without a good engineer a 3 1/2 million dollar machine is kinda worthless. I predict a waste of money and not so bright a future. You should know that this machine is not a simple basic cyclotron, it is a variable energy machine, dual extraction, has a beamline, and earlier in its life was a dual particle machine.
I forgot that a power glitch killed the vacuum on the beamline, so I left it for dead.
Oh what a mess I made. Also a big head ache that likely will not go away. LOL. Can I be considered a terrorist?
Understand that there is accumulative radiation damage to electronics and things like rubber seals (o-rings). It is a monumental job to overhaul this machine. I retired just in time. Kinda divine intervention.
Moral of the story is creativity is especially useful for being evil. How did I have perfect timing?
Cal
I love the name Herb and to add an adjective Brutal Herb.
I had 17 years at Grumman and it was a very good place for me to really grow up and become the man I am.
I have to be honest and say that all my 22 years at the hospital were not hell. Perhaps only half or 10-11 years were bad. I did get my MFA in Creative Writing paid for by the hospital ( I graduated in 2005). I also got mucho great benefits and a magnificent pension. I also get a medical benefit that kinda comes close to covering my Medicare Part “B” expense for the reset of my life that is untaxed.
My point is that it was only half bad. You also have to understand that when I get treated like an A-hole there is bound to be mucho trouble and hell to pay. I am a creative and clever guy with the ability to be a real A-hole. Pretty much if treated like one I might as well assume the identity and piss people off.
In the end I did a lot of mucho mean things to screw people over. I was mighty evil, and pretty much in the end I won. I let crazy people screw themselves where eventually they pissed off the wrong people, and then justice got served.
My mentally ill big boss got pushed out, and then my immediate supervisor the bully in turn got pushed out. In the end I was the only survivor. I left on my own terms. For more than two years I was a one-man band with no backup. I also knew ahead of time that this was not sustainable, no real surprise that they were abandoning the off campus cyclotron. Eyes wide open…
Serge had a meeting with me and told me they were going to walk away from the cyclotron that I operated and was responsible for at a remote facility and then asked me what my future plans were.
When I told my big supervisor I was planning on finishing out the year and in December I would retire It made it easy for him. Pretty much it was his dream come true. His intent was retraining me and creating a position for me. You should know that he did not have to be kind to me, but out of respect I had it my way.
This December will mark my second year of retirement, but know that I used “banked“ vacation time to fill the gap from the day before Thanksgiving to December 31st. The vacation bank basically was my bridge.
My situation was that I was employed by one big hospital, but my lab was “off-campus” and located at another big hospital. Understand that this was a “joint” agreement and a shared facility. I was in a rather novel position working remotely before the term existed in a way, and the second hospital had some real problems, a rather high turnover rate, and some rather ill people that were prone to anxiety attacks and full blown panic attacks.
This one PhD. Radio Chemist also got pushed out. He kinda screwed himself… There was another PhD. Scientist/Chemist who hated me. If he could he told my bully boss he would fire me. Ha-ha. I love it.
I was running the cyclotron creating a huge neutron field and mucho radiation, when this PhD come in with a tour of VIP guests, and he basically and arrogantly pushes the button to open a 30 thousand pound door that is made of Boriated concrete and filled with interlocking lead bricks for shielding.
Pretty much I intercept the beam and start screaming at him that I had beam on a target and he just irradiated his guests with a huge neutron blast. I closed the door and screamed at him don’t ever do that again.
This man was arrogant. Know that he had these bug eyes and resembled a Cock-Roach. I could of made a really big stink of this and could of call Radiation Safety. I let it go…
In the end this PhD came to work and spent a year writing a college textbook on particle beam accelerators. Meanwhile he shirked his work duties and eventually he got fired.
Again pretty much I let people screw themselves. I outlasted all of them Ha-ha… Call me mucho evil, but I get great satisfaction from this.
A hostile work environment I would not wish on anyone, but know I had my way and got my payback. “Good things happen to good people,“ I say. In the end I got my revenge.
Know I was taken advantage of by the second hospital. I was not employed by them and was kinda treated as free-labor. In fact they really took advantage of me and did not really appreciate my service. I played my cards…
My bully boss had left after being pushed out, I was a one-man band for about 2 1/2 -3 years, and since they did not hire a backup for me I already knew I was on borrowed time. The cyclotron was perhaps 17 years old, but gently used and well maintained, but under the above conditions I minimized the maintenance.
Oh-well then a catastrophic vacuum leak and the cyclotron was down for about a month. A 17 year old o-ring cracked and gave way. If I remember correctly this also involved a water leak. Oh-well.
Then pretty much it was a crisis for the second hospital. “Oh-well” says Calvin. Pretty much I call Vancouver and get technical assistance. I wait for parts. All these people at the second hospital are stressed. Oh-well says Calvin again, because people are interrupting me from fixing the machine by asking for status reports.
One PhD a Doctor “B” who is universally hated annoys me so much that I purposely go into slow down mode for retribution. I drag things out on purpose and pretty much create evil. “Ha-ha” I say. I pretty much am a jerk dragging things out to be mean.
Somewhere in this story a new Cyclotron Engineer is being hired at the main campus. In this timeline he is on th job for about a year before I retired. I train him to be my backup. I teach him stuff he does not know like how cryogenic helium pumps work in vacuum systems. In the end I groom him to avoid supporting the second hospital. I also am like a God Father protecting him from harm/evil and advise him on the politics and who not to piss off.
Anyways I kinda plant a poison pill. I leave chaos and a complete mess. I tell the new cyclotron engineer that he should remove our tools and equipment and relocate all that gear to the main campus.
In turn he tells me to help myself to anything left behind I can take home. Oh-well says Calvin.
So the only collateral damage is our friend Chris. Sorry Chris for the mess I made, but this was not to spite you.
Last I heard that the second hospital paid some big sum of money to have a now 21-22 year old cyclotron overhauled and rebuilt. This is a 50 tonne machine. I can see some field service reps flying in from Vancouver trying to work on a cyclotron with no tools on site. “Ha-ha,” says Calvin. “Ha-ha” again.
Am I evil? Am I a terrorist?
Also know that I found out after I left that the new Cyclotron Engineer was asked to lend a hand and the second hospital got a firm “No.” “Ha-ha-ha..” three times.
Why do I laugh so much.
BTW do you how hard it is to find a quaffed experienced cyclotron engineer? Without a good engineer a 3 1/2 million dollar machine is kinda worthless. I predict a waste of money and not so bright a future. You should know that this machine is not a simple basic cyclotron, it is a variable energy machine, dual extraction, has a beamline, and earlier in its life was a dual particle machine.
I forgot that a power glitch killed the vacuum on the beamline, so I left it for dead.
Oh what a mess I made. Also a big head ache that likely will not go away. LOL. Can I be considered a terrorist?
Understand that there is accumulative radiation damage to electronics and things like rubber seals (o-rings). It is a monumental job to overhaul this machine. I retired just in time. Kinda divine intervention.
Moral of the story is creativity is especially useful for being evil. How did I have perfect timing?
Cal
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Calzone
Gear Whore #1
How-Weird, my Bully-Boss, for about a decade had me do all the maintenance and day-to-day operations so he could go in his office, close the door and work on some secret project. He also would abandon me and go over the main campus frequently. I would later learn that he was exploiting this group of “Tool-Makers” and their shop’s skill and expertise to build out his secrete project.
Eventually a prototype was assembled and built of a modular target that would allow bombardment of solid materials to activate and transmutate materials. I will say the idea and design was well exacuted.
Pretty much the technology we developed of bombarding solid targets could be shared and utilized on any cyclotron like ours because it was modular and interfaced with the helium and water cooling on our machine and others.
Pretty much a patentable idea.
So this also built up into How-Wired going rouge and being a “Cowboy” that not only pissed off our bigger boss, but also our big chief. How-Weird blindsided them by not informing them, and kinda bypassed them by approaching the office of intellectual property by himself. Because of a patent application, and our academic reputation, of course our bigger boss and especially our chief, a huge narcissist, wanted and demanded credit.
So pretty much How-Weird Fxxk-ed himself.
There was also other behaviors that were happening that crossed over to conflict of interest Where How-Weird would tell me he was going out to BNL (Brookhaven National Labs) to help start up a mothballed cyclotron they had like ours. I don’t think he had permission to do this, nor do I think he used his vacation time to do this favor.
In the end he actually gave away the prototype he developed to BNL. I do not really have to ask was this a conflict of interest.
Anyways a storm brewed. How-Weird felt insulted by the backlash he inflicted upon himself. Being an Asian, and especially because he was an Asian immigrant, he lost “face.” His Ego was damaged, and he made a mistake of confiding in me that he was going to announce his retirement to spite others. Ha-ha…
Of course I promoted the insult, and culturally I understood how much damage to his fragile Ego had been done. I also knew that How-Weird had such a “thin” delicate Ego that his entire identity was work. He use to say/brag, “I come to work for fun.”
Understand that socially How-Weird was inept. I knew that retirement for him would be a mistake. I would later learn that he would get a job at Stony Brook University Hospital and work with another loser I worked with at the second hospital that was a source of chaos.
The lab at Stony Brook was a complete mess. A former PhD, who I knew from the first hospital had a reputation of destroying his records and taking his lab book with him whenever he left a job. Pretty much he destroyed any records, progress, and documentation to the effect of starting over. This was done at my first hospital, and then at Stony Brook.
The PhD who left my second hospital I called Doctor Clueless. Pretty much this guy was a total idiot. He would call and ask for How-Weird all the time for help. Ha-ha.
One of the chemistry technicians was this Canadian girl who was very smart. One day I had to talk her off the ledge. If I can profile Canadians I would say they are polite and much more mildly mannered than Americans and definitely are more civilized, but I had this girl who was in “Hockey” mode and threatened to punch Doctor Clueless in the face.
Know that at the first hospital in the Tool Maker’s Shop there was actually a full blown fist fight at work between my friend Greg and his supervisor.
Don’t believe the TV shows where at hospitals all the people who work there are friends and have sex with each other. Very far from the truth.
Actually I had a good friend at work. Andrez was a Polish immigrant who spoke Russian, German, Polish, and English. Andrez had a PhD from the MIT of Poland and was mucho smart.
Pretty much I was told by How-Weird and Andrez by his superior (Doctor Cock-Roach) that we could not be friends. How oppressive is that?
Our old chief was a PhD who was clearly mentally ill and unstable. He had paranoid tendencies and was pron to rage attacks. He actually I would say was a scary guy. This man would rant and get violently angry.
Anyways you would be surprised if you knew the names of the two hospitals where I worked. Very highly ranked and top tier.
I would also say I saw a lot of conflict of interest going on. My big boss worked as a consultant at a start up, and I waited about 40 minutes outside his office while he consulted with a client over the phone. I was there for that scheduled meeting we had to discuss our future. I just politely waited, but I knew what was going on. Pretty much working a second job from the first.
In my 22 year history one medical doctor was arrested at work for insider trading. Evidently the insider trading involve a clinical trial he was involved in.
I feel a sense of accomplishment knowing I can survive such a corrupt and hostile situation. Like I said for about or a little more than a decade things were pretty bad. Somehow I survived. Know that the only person I left behind that was part of our original group was a girl radiochemist, who eventually quit after about 15 years of service.
The new big supervisor was a PhD Pharmacist, and he pretty much poached his crew with his cronies. This girl radiochemist and I were the last two standing. One old guard PhD radio chemist was fired, and another old guard woman retired.
Moral f the story is I pissed off lots of people, but I did not piss off the wrong people. I win…
Cal
Eventually a prototype was assembled and built of a modular target that would allow bombardment of solid materials to activate and transmutate materials. I will say the idea and design was well exacuted.
Pretty much the technology we developed of bombarding solid targets could be shared and utilized on any cyclotron like ours because it was modular and interfaced with the helium and water cooling on our machine and others.
Pretty much a patentable idea.
So this also built up into How-Wired going rouge and being a “Cowboy” that not only pissed off our bigger boss, but also our big chief. How-Weird blindsided them by not informing them, and kinda bypassed them by approaching the office of intellectual property by himself. Because of a patent application, and our academic reputation, of course our bigger boss and especially our chief, a huge narcissist, wanted and demanded credit.
So pretty much How-Weird Fxxk-ed himself.
There was also other behaviors that were happening that crossed over to conflict of interest Where How-Weird would tell me he was going out to BNL (Brookhaven National Labs) to help start up a mothballed cyclotron they had like ours. I don’t think he had permission to do this, nor do I think he used his vacation time to do this favor.
In the end he actually gave away the prototype he developed to BNL. I do not really have to ask was this a conflict of interest.
Anyways a storm brewed. How-Weird felt insulted by the backlash he inflicted upon himself. Being an Asian, and especially because he was an Asian immigrant, he lost “face.” His Ego was damaged, and he made a mistake of confiding in me that he was going to announce his retirement to spite others. Ha-ha…
Of course I promoted the insult, and culturally I understood how much damage to his fragile Ego had been done. I also knew that How-Weird had such a “thin” delicate Ego that his entire identity was work. He use to say/brag, “I come to work for fun.”
Understand that socially How-Weird was inept. I knew that retirement for him would be a mistake. I would later learn that he would get a job at Stony Brook University Hospital and work with another loser I worked with at the second hospital that was a source of chaos.
The lab at Stony Brook was a complete mess. A former PhD, who I knew from the first hospital had a reputation of destroying his records and taking his lab book with him whenever he left a job. Pretty much he destroyed any records, progress, and documentation to the effect of starting over. This was done at my first hospital, and then at Stony Brook.
The PhD who left my second hospital I called Doctor Clueless. Pretty much this guy was a total idiot. He would call and ask for How-Weird all the time for help. Ha-ha.
One of the chemistry technicians was this Canadian girl who was very smart. One day I had to talk her off the ledge. If I can profile Canadians I would say they are polite and much more mildly mannered than Americans and definitely are more civilized, but I had this girl who was in “Hockey” mode and threatened to punch Doctor Clueless in the face.
Know that at the first hospital in the Tool Maker’s Shop there was actually a full blown fist fight at work between my friend Greg and his supervisor.
Don’t believe the TV shows where at hospitals all the people who work there are friends and have sex with each other. Very far from the truth.
Actually I had a good friend at work. Andrez was a Polish immigrant who spoke Russian, German, Polish, and English. Andrez had a PhD from the MIT of Poland and was mucho smart.
Pretty much I was told by How-Weird and Andrez by his superior (Doctor Cock-Roach) that we could not be friends. How oppressive is that?
Our old chief was a PhD who was clearly mentally ill and unstable. He had paranoid tendencies and was pron to rage attacks. He actually I would say was a scary guy. This man would rant and get violently angry.
Anyways you would be surprised if you knew the names of the two hospitals where I worked. Very highly ranked and top tier.
I would also say I saw a lot of conflict of interest going on. My big boss worked as a consultant at a start up, and I waited about 40 minutes outside his office while he consulted with a client over the phone. I was there for that scheduled meeting we had to discuss our future. I just politely waited, but I knew what was going on. Pretty much working a second job from the first.
In my 22 year history one medical doctor was arrested at work for insider trading. Evidently the insider trading involve a clinical trial he was involved in.
I feel a sense of accomplishment knowing I can survive such a corrupt and hostile situation. Like I said for about or a little more than a decade things were pretty bad. Somehow I survived. Know that the only person I left behind that was part of our original group was a girl radiochemist, who eventually quit after about 15 years of service.
The new big supervisor was a PhD Pharmacist, and he pretty much poached his crew with his cronies. This girl radiochemist and I were the last two standing. One old guard PhD radio chemist was fired, and another old guard woman retired.
Moral f the story is I pissed off lots of people, but I did not piss off the wrong people. I win…
Cal
Calzone
Gear Whore #1
How-Weird once stated/declared, “Having friends at work is unprofessional.”
You can’t make this stuff up.
I am a drama queen and I love publicly humiliating my foes.
How-Weird used his authority to coerce me to donating blood at work once a month. Pretty inappropriate, but I went for the ride. I figured it was a kind thing to do anyways.
Along the way How-Weird starts this rant where he brags to me how handsome and good looking he is. He goes on and on and pretty much it gets sickening.
At the donation center there are three women there and I go into performance mode and get very forward; I blantently ask the woman to settle an argument and ask them directly as a group, “Who between the two of us is the better looking man?”
The vote was unanimous: I was by far the better specimen; but one of the woman was taken by my good looks and dug in and went deep into all my attractive features one-by-one. She found me rather appealing and really went off.
”I’m so jealous,” How-Weird eventually said. LOL. This woman’s praise was sickening to How-Weird.
Then when his blood pressure was taken the Plilbotomist mentioned that his blood pressure was seriously high and that he needs to visit his primary care physician.
Then the rage appeared, and How-Weird screamed out loudly: “I only have high blood pressure because of him,” pointing at me. To add to the situation the all the women laughed.
Then I explained, “He is my boss.” More laughter… By now all the women thought I was mighty cute, but of course How-Weird was the exception.
This segues to the future where How-Weird feels ill one morning. He drives to the N6 bus stop in Garden City on Long Island to start his commute, but as things progress he feels worse and worse. Then he gets on a F Train to 63rd and Third Avenue in Madhattan.
Now he is deathly ill and feels so ill that he takes a cab to work.
As usual I’m late as always just to aggravate him on purpose, but he waited about a half hour for me to appear. He spent that time compiling a one page hand written list of tasks he would like for me to perform that day. He then tells me about his commute and that he is going to the ER at work.
He tells me, “If I don’t make it I’ll see you in the next life.”
Basically he is having a heart attack and I could of found him dead and blue eared laying on the floor at work. They immediately gave him a stent.
So how-weird is that?
BTW I am not a Sociopath but if I got blamed for the heart attack, oh-well. I can live with that. I figure if he died the world would be a better place…
Also the Chinese adage: “Time is the best weapon,” really works. Pretty much time and time again A-holes FuxK themselves. It happened again and again.
Cal
You can’t make this stuff up.
I am a drama queen and I love publicly humiliating my foes.
How-Weird used his authority to coerce me to donating blood at work once a month. Pretty inappropriate, but I went for the ride. I figured it was a kind thing to do anyways.
Along the way How-Weird starts this rant where he brags to me how handsome and good looking he is. He goes on and on and pretty much it gets sickening.
At the donation center there are three women there and I go into performance mode and get very forward; I blantently ask the woman to settle an argument and ask them directly as a group, “Who between the two of us is the better looking man?”
The vote was unanimous: I was by far the better specimen; but one of the woman was taken by my good looks and dug in and went deep into all my attractive features one-by-one. She found me rather appealing and really went off.
”I’m so jealous,” How-Weird eventually said. LOL. This woman’s praise was sickening to How-Weird.
Then when his blood pressure was taken the Plilbotomist mentioned that his blood pressure was seriously high and that he needs to visit his primary care physician.
Then the rage appeared, and How-Weird screamed out loudly: “I only have high blood pressure because of him,” pointing at me. To add to the situation the all the women laughed.
Then I explained, “He is my boss.” More laughter… By now all the women thought I was mighty cute, but of course How-Weird was the exception.
This segues to the future where How-Weird feels ill one morning. He drives to the N6 bus stop in Garden City on Long Island to start his commute, but as things progress he feels worse and worse. Then he gets on a F Train to 63rd and Third Avenue in Madhattan.
Now he is deathly ill and feels so ill that he takes a cab to work.
As usual I’m late as always just to aggravate him on purpose, but he waited about a half hour for me to appear. He spent that time compiling a one page hand written list of tasks he would like for me to perform that day. He then tells me about his commute and that he is going to the ER at work.
He tells me, “If I don’t make it I’ll see you in the next life.”
Basically he is having a heart attack and I could of found him dead and blue eared laying on the floor at work. They immediately gave him a stent.
So how-weird is that?
BTW I am not a Sociopath but if I got blamed for the heart attack, oh-well. I can live with that. I figure if he died the world would be a better place…
Also the Chinese adage: “Time is the best weapon,” really works. Pretty much time and time again A-holes FuxK themselves. It happened again and again.
Cal
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Calzone
Gear Whore #1
Snarky Joe’s idea of making the 1966 C-10 an EV is not dead. I’m sure that even the costly Chevy E-Crate motor will become both more advanced and less costly. Availability, or real availability, is/was mid 2023. In a ways Chevy jumped-the-shark and announced and created all this hype well before or prematurely years ago.
I discovered “Stealth EV” based out of San Diego that offers a stealth drive in 100KW, 150KW, 250KW, and 350KW packages. Pretty much an E-Crate replacement that can bolt onto a Chevy tranny.
My current three-on-a-tree tranny is good for about 300 HP, and to give you a gauge 375 KW is about 500 HP.
An electric motor only weighs 128 pounds, but the GM battery pack weighs almost a thousand pounds. Meanwhile a Chevy 350 is about 500 pounds, and a 20 gallon tank of gas about 150 pounds.
Snarky Joe made a good point that pretty much the majority of my driving is local, and I can say that a 100 mile range would suit about 90% of my driving. Know that I already have a hundred amp service in my garage.
The OEM 250 cubic inch inline-6 only makes about 165 HP.
I figure this is a future project, time is my friend, and in the future more possibilities will mature, and I expect prices might become lower.
Pretty much the 1966 C-10 would not be much more than a big golf cart that could do highway speeds and can have limited range.
Hmmm.
So the real number for a Connect and Cruise stroked 350 to 383 cubic inch with a manual T-56 4 speed close ratio tranny with two overdrives is about $20K. I would still have to have about $3K for a new rear axel, then add in the extras like a $700.00 aluminum radiator and other small hardware.
Anyways expect to spend more than anticipated.
Anyways to make daydreams real you have to crunch the numbers. I kinda love both the gas and the EV options. Both are crazy enough for me. Right now the current Chevy E-Crate Connect and Cruise can only be installed by Chevy approved installers. For me this is not good. Also I would have to have the added expense of a required 4-speed automatic tranny like a 4L60-E or a 4L70-E.
Also I figure I could at anytime add batteries to extend range as well as performance.
So I sent an inquiry about pricing to daydream some more.
I also did some more research on Chevy Connect and Cruise Crate Packages. Kinda cost feasible to buy a 1998-1999 Chevy Suburban and use a motor/tranny package to build/upgrade a Suburban say from the south with a clean body and no rust. Pretty much just wrenching in an engine and tranny.
The 4L60-E tranny and 4L70-E tranny are physically interchangeable. The earlier 4L60-E is rated for 600 foot-pounds and 650 HP, but the newer 4L70-E is upgraded to 700 foot-pounds.
Pretty much you can buy a clean high mileage 1998-1999 Suburban for under $5K. For about $15K-$20K you get a complete kit to replace the engine and tranny that also includes the electronic controls for both the engine and tranny. Pretty much GM engineered these packages, but the motors are both heavy duty and performance.
I can see removing and installing an engine and tranny Chevy 350 with a newer Chevy 350 in a few days. Really not so big a job.
With my Jeep Scrambler I had to install and remove the engine and tranny several times for placement, drilling holes for motor and tranny mounts, and to check clearances. I had lots of experience from this exercise. BTW know that I did all this solo without any help. That engine and tranny weighed about 700 pounds.
Yesterday I mowed only the front lawn. I wanted to beat the expected two days of rain. Had the grand children for an overnight. I also had the opportunity to stain the cabinet doors with another coat, and also coat the glued panels I assembled. Took the kids to some Pre-Halloween event that was walking distance from our house.
Cal
I discovered “Stealth EV” based out of San Diego that offers a stealth drive in 100KW, 150KW, 250KW, and 350KW packages. Pretty much an E-Crate replacement that can bolt onto a Chevy tranny.
My current three-on-a-tree tranny is good for about 300 HP, and to give you a gauge 375 KW is about 500 HP.
An electric motor only weighs 128 pounds, but the GM battery pack weighs almost a thousand pounds. Meanwhile a Chevy 350 is about 500 pounds, and a 20 gallon tank of gas about 150 pounds.
Snarky Joe made a good point that pretty much the majority of my driving is local, and I can say that a 100 mile range would suit about 90% of my driving. Know that I already have a hundred amp service in my garage.
The OEM 250 cubic inch inline-6 only makes about 165 HP.
I figure this is a future project, time is my friend, and in the future more possibilities will mature, and I expect prices might become lower.
Pretty much the 1966 C-10 would not be much more than a big golf cart that could do highway speeds and can have limited range.
Hmmm.
So the real number for a Connect and Cruise stroked 350 to 383 cubic inch with a manual T-56 4 speed close ratio tranny with two overdrives is about $20K. I would still have to have about $3K for a new rear axel, then add in the extras like a $700.00 aluminum radiator and other small hardware.
Anyways expect to spend more than anticipated.
Anyways to make daydreams real you have to crunch the numbers. I kinda love both the gas and the EV options. Both are crazy enough for me. Right now the current Chevy E-Crate Connect and Cruise can only be installed by Chevy approved installers. For me this is not good. Also I would have to have the added expense of a required 4-speed automatic tranny like a 4L60-E or a 4L70-E.
Also I figure I could at anytime add batteries to extend range as well as performance.
So I sent an inquiry about pricing to daydream some more.
I also did some more research on Chevy Connect and Cruise Crate Packages. Kinda cost feasible to buy a 1998-1999 Chevy Suburban and use a motor/tranny package to build/upgrade a Suburban say from the south with a clean body and no rust. Pretty much just wrenching in an engine and tranny.
The 4L60-E tranny and 4L70-E tranny are physically interchangeable. The earlier 4L60-E is rated for 600 foot-pounds and 650 HP, but the newer 4L70-E is upgraded to 700 foot-pounds.
Pretty much you can buy a clean high mileage 1998-1999 Suburban for under $5K. For about $15K-$20K you get a complete kit to replace the engine and tranny that also includes the electronic controls for both the engine and tranny. Pretty much GM engineered these packages, but the motors are both heavy duty and performance.
I can see removing and installing an engine and tranny Chevy 350 with a newer Chevy 350 in a few days. Really not so big a job.
With my Jeep Scrambler I had to install and remove the engine and tranny several times for placement, drilling holes for motor and tranny mounts, and to check clearances. I had lots of experience from this exercise. BTW know that I did all this solo without any help. That engine and tranny weighed about 700 pounds.
Yesterday I mowed only the front lawn. I wanted to beat the expected two days of rain. Had the grand children for an overnight. I also had the opportunity to stain the cabinet doors with another coat, and also coat the glued panels I assembled. Took the kids to some Pre-Halloween event that was walking distance from our house.
Cal
Calzone
Gear Whore #1
BTW I still heavily favor the conventional gas engine. I just don’t want to be closed minded and want to stay open. I like daydreaming; it makes me think.
Cal
Cal
Austintatious
Well-known
I am not so sure that EV's are quite ready for prime time.
Study: Cost of ‘fueling’ an electric vehicle is equivalent to $17.33 per gallon
(The Center Square) – The complete costs of "fueling" an electric vehicle for 10 years are $17.33 per equivalent gallon of gasoline, a new analysis from the Texas Public Policy
Calzone
Gear Whore #1
Austin,
Thanks for the link. I strongly remember the other links that pointed out that EV isn’t really so green and causes much environmental destruction.
It also seems to have more complexity of which I would want to avoid.
I find it interesting that I could easily recycle an older chassis and build a kinda bombproof engine and drivetrain that is actually cost feasible, easily done, with pretty much the engineering and intergration performed for me.
I would have an electronic ignition, fuel injection, two overdrives, and close ratio 4-speed for performance. Pretty much all the technology I need.
I have $9500.00 spent on the 1966 C-10 that has a newly overhauled suspension and steering, although the manual steering box is leaking and could be upgraded to power steering.
$20K for a new engine and T-56 tranny with electronic controls. I figure about $3K for a new rear end, and of course a new driveshaft has to be made. There is a lot of leeway before I get to $45K-%0K even for the most basic no-option work or fleet truck.
It will take some time to come up with the cash to make this happen. Of course don’t tell Maggie.
Cal
Thanks for the link. I strongly remember the other links that pointed out that EV isn’t really so green and causes much environmental destruction.
It also seems to have more complexity of which I would want to avoid.
I find it interesting that I could easily recycle an older chassis and build a kinda bombproof engine and drivetrain that is actually cost feasible, easily done, with pretty much the engineering and intergration performed for me.
I would have an electronic ignition, fuel injection, two overdrives, and close ratio 4-speed for performance. Pretty much all the technology I need.
I have $9500.00 spent on the 1966 C-10 that has a newly overhauled suspension and steering, although the manual steering box is leaking and could be upgraded to power steering.
$20K for a new engine and T-56 tranny with electronic controls. I figure about $3K for a new rear end, and of course a new driveshaft has to be made. There is a lot of leeway before I get to $45K-%0K even for the most basic no-option work or fleet truck.
It will take some time to come up with the cash to make this happen. Of course don’t tell Maggie.
Cal
Calzone
Gear Whore #1
SP383 EFI Turn-Key engine: 450 HP at 5800 RPM; 436 Foot Pounds of torque.
4-bolt crank, aluminum heads…
Then there is the close ratio 4-speed with two overdrives that can handle 750 HP. Pretty much overkill.
Brutal. No bloat. Pretty much the OEM rear needs to be upgraded, and 4 wheel disc brakes.
50,000 mile or two year warrantee from Chevy. All brand new and factory fresh. Pretty much all new drivetrain. Plan on buying a new aluminum radiator and adding electric fans.
Wheels, tires, and a new wooden bed is the polish to go with the OEM faded green patina. I love that my truck has the small rear window (non panoramic) that looks like a fifties truck.
It will be mighty cool when a dream becomes reality. My experience with the Jeep required lots of research and me fitting things together that involved adapters and all these parts that I had to gather and assemble. This “Turn-Key” simplifies things greatly.
EZ-PZ.
Anyways again I will be widely known because of the truck I drive. As is the 1966 C-10 is already a great looker because of the wonderful patina.
Cal
4-bolt crank, aluminum heads…
Then there is the close ratio 4-speed with two overdrives that can handle 750 HP. Pretty much overkill.
Brutal. No bloat. Pretty much the OEM rear needs to be upgraded, and 4 wheel disc brakes.
50,000 mile or two year warrantee from Chevy. All brand new and factory fresh. Pretty much all new drivetrain. Plan on buying a new aluminum radiator and adding electric fans.
Wheels, tires, and a new wooden bed is the polish to go with the OEM faded green patina. I love that my truck has the small rear window (non panoramic) that looks like a fifties truck.
It will be mighty cool when a dream becomes reality. My experience with the Jeep required lots of research and me fitting things together that involved adapters and all these parts that I had to gather and assemble. This “Turn-Key” simplifies things greatly.
EZ-PZ.
Anyways again I will be widely known because of the truck I drive. As is the 1966 C-10 is already a great looker because of the wonderful patina.
Cal
Calzone
Gear Whore #1
Austin’s link points to how regulation and government subsidies actually are hidden costs that are spread to even non-EV owners and all tax payers.
The point is the money has to come from somewhere.
I think a major point is that Hybrid Technology makes more sense because it would be easier to implement and does not require building out all this infrastructure that requires subsidies that have real costs. Pretty much a case of bad government policy.
One thing that really was only hinted at with Hybrid Technology, this technology is about a hundred years old and certainly is mature. Diesel-electric locomotives in fact are still n use today. Metro North uses diesel-electric hybrid technology.
Our planet and our country would be much more advanced if our government supported hybrid technology over EV. What a waste. Also Elan Musk gets pollution credits that he in turn sells for more than a billion dollars that gets added to Tesla’s bottom line every year. How is this good for the planet or our country? Something smells rotten…
I always say, “The money has to come from somewhere,” and I repeated many times that government subsidies and regulation actually increase costs and create inflation. Austin’s article demonstrates a “good” example of really bad government policy that costs everyone.
EV’s seem like such a bad idea.
I’m not saying that safety and fuel economy regulation is bad, but me discovering how cost feasible it is for me to build a heavy-duty performance truck at about or less than half the cost of a new truck that has just a few options to go beyond just a work or fleet truck indicates how grossly regulations have added to costs.
Phil used the word “bloated,” and it certainly is accurate.
A stripped down bare bones fleet work truck price is $45K-$50K. This is the cheapest truck and is no-frills.
$9.5K for me for a rolling 1966 C-10 longbed; $20K for a new performance engine and tranny “Turn-Key;” $3K for a brand new performance rear axel; then a bunch of small parts that add up; and I figure still under $40K.
Then it is pretty easy to approach $80K for a truck with some options, but not a fully loaded truck.
My new/old truck will not have the safety features, but pretty much I will have fuel injection, two overdrives, electronic ignition, and a vehicle that I can service myself.
How is this cost feasible? We pay a lot for bad policy, government regulations, and for subsidies. It angers me that Elon Musk, a billionaire, receives a government subsidy and benefits from basically a bad policy.
BTW if “Maggie” drove an EV she would likely kill the batteries in less than 2-years by overcharging and deep cycling. A new I-Phone or laptop computer has a very short lifespan in her hands.
Cal
The point is the money has to come from somewhere.
I think a major point is that Hybrid Technology makes more sense because it would be easier to implement and does not require building out all this infrastructure that requires subsidies that have real costs. Pretty much a case of bad government policy.
One thing that really was only hinted at with Hybrid Technology, this technology is about a hundred years old and certainly is mature. Diesel-electric locomotives in fact are still n use today. Metro North uses diesel-electric hybrid technology.
Our planet and our country would be much more advanced if our government supported hybrid technology over EV. What a waste. Also Elan Musk gets pollution credits that he in turn sells for more than a billion dollars that gets added to Tesla’s bottom line every year. How is this good for the planet or our country? Something smells rotten…
I always say, “The money has to come from somewhere,” and I repeated many times that government subsidies and regulation actually increase costs and create inflation. Austin’s article demonstrates a “good” example of really bad government policy that costs everyone.
EV’s seem like such a bad idea.
I’m not saying that safety and fuel economy regulation is bad, but me discovering how cost feasible it is for me to build a heavy-duty performance truck at about or less than half the cost of a new truck that has just a few options to go beyond just a work or fleet truck indicates how grossly regulations have added to costs.
Phil used the word “bloated,” and it certainly is accurate.
A stripped down bare bones fleet work truck price is $45K-$50K. This is the cheapest truck and is no-frills.
$9.5K for me for a rolling 1966 C-10 longbed; $20K for a new performance engine and tranny “Turn-Key;” $3K for a brand new performance rear axel; then a bunch of small parts that add up; and I figure still under $40K.
Then it is pretty easy to approach $80K for a truck with some options, but not a fully loaded truck.
My new/old truck will not have the safety features, but pretty much I will have fuel injection, two overdrives, electronic ignition, and a vehicle that I can service myself.
How is this cost feasible? We pay a lot for bad policy, government regulations, and for subsidies. It angers me that Elon Musk, a billionaire, receives a government subsidy and benefits from basically a bad policy.
BTW if “Maggie” drove an EV she would likely kill the batteries in less than 2-years by overcharging and deep cycling. A new I-Phone or laptop computer has a very short lifespan in her hands.
Cal
Calzone
Gear Whore #1
Yesterday I utilized a rainy day to begin final assembly of the cabinet doors. I dug up some tiny brads that are about 3/8 of an inch long and used them to tack the clover mesh gold anodized screen into the frame I made. I used bent forceps to hold the brads and a small ball peen hammer. This task took some time and I used a brad every 2-3 inches.
For lack of studio or basement or garage space I performed this work in my living room where also I store the bike called the Newsboy. ”Maggie’s” Yo Betty is stored in the hallway along with a red tricycle that formally was my neighbor’s bike, the “Monster,” that dates back to 1977 and has the price of $12.99 marked underneath.
Today is a break in the weather and I will cut the glued and stained panels to size and install them on the bottom. One limitation I’m dealing with is a limited amount of clamps, but I’m in no rush.
I also sorted through bins of tools and organized them. I need another rollaway for my overspill. This was in prep for all this truck work on my mind.
I guess I should do a compression test on the 250 inline six. This will tel me if the 1966 C-10 has 61K miles or 161 miles. All the blue smoke might be just oil leaking through the head into the cylinders. A modern valve job with modern seats might have me a truck that would be a local driver.
I’m cool with that. Driving a “Survivor” that is all OEM that only has the wooden bed replaced because it is rotted out, and the gas tank relocated to underneath the bed as the only mods or updates. My Home Cheapo is located 7 miles away…
There is a lot of value added to having a survivor that is so close to OEM. Trucks like mine are mucho rare and are hard to find. In a ways what I have could be considered a “barn-find.”
Realize that my truck is 57 years old. A compression test will tell me if the engine can be rescued by just a valve job. The condition of the body suggests that the odometer true reading might be 61K miles, and the use of unleaded gas would kill the valve seats and would explain all the oil burning.
I have a member of our family that has an automotive repair shop in Dobbs Ferry. I would drop off the head for an overhaul, and Harry would send t off to their guy. If this worked out the math would be about $1.3K-1.5K for a new wooden bed upgraded to oak; $9500.00 (the cost of the truck with overhauled suspension and steering with OEM parts); plus the cost of the valve job with a family discount.
Pretty much this would be just a mild restoration. The condition of the body points to only 61K miles so I don’t think I’m being a delusional artist. Anyways from my rants it might appear that I’m a bit crazy, but “Crazy is good,” I say. To me “normal” is boring…
I would have to replace the dry rotted tires…
Cal
For lack of studio or basement or garage space I performed this work in my living room where also I store the bike called the Newsboy. ”Maggie’s” Yo Betty is stored in the hallway along with a red tricycle that formally was my neighbor’s bike, the “Monster,” that dates back to 1977 and has the price of $12.99 marked underneath.
Today is a break in the weather and I will cut the glued and stained panels to size and install them on the bottom. One limitation I’m dealing with is a limited amount of clamps, but I’m in no rush.
I also sorted through bins of tools and organized them. I need another rollaway for my overspill. This was in prep for all this truck work on my mind.
I guess I should do a compression test on the 250 inline six. This will tel me if the 1966 C-10 has 61K miles or 161 miles. All the blue smoke might be just oil leaking through the head into the cylinders. A modern valve job with modern seats might have me a truck that would be a local driver.
I’m cool with that. Driving a “Survivor” that is all OEM that only has the wooden bed replaced because it is rotted out, and the gas tank relocated to underneath the bed as the only mods or updates. My Home Cheapo is located 7 miles away…
There is a lot of value added to having a survivor that is so close to OEM. Trucks like mine are mucho rare and are hard to find. In a ways what I have could be considered a “barn-find.”
Realize that my truck is 57 years old. A compression test will tell me if the engine can be rescued by just a valve job. The condition of the body suggests that the odometer true reading might be 61K miles, and the use of unleaded gas would kill the valve seats and would explain all the oil burning.
I have a member of our family that has an automotive repair shop in Dobbs Ferry. I would drop off the head for an overhaul, and Harry would send t off to their guy. If this worked out the math would be about $1.3K-1.5K for a new wooden bed upgraded to oak; $9500.00 (the cost of the truck with overhauled suspension and steering with OEM parts); plus the cost of the valve job with a family discount.
Pretty much this would be just a mild restoration. The condition of the body points to only 61K miles so I don’t think I’m being a delusional artist. Anyways from my rants it might appear that I’m a bit crazy, but “Crazy is good,” I say. To me “normal” is boring…
I would have to replace the dry rotted tires…
Cal
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Calzone
Gear Whore #1
The smut is that the abandoned house that is a wreck sold for $317K about 6 weeks ago without a mortgage, meaning a cash deal. The front stoop is just one reason why a bank would never offer a mortgage because it has collapsed.
This house pretty much has not been improved upon or really maintained for about 27 years. The property got overgrown even with mature trees, and yesterday a tree crew came by and started the process of pruning back trees and taking some down.
They put in a full day, and I suspect they have more work to do because all the clean fill remains. Likely a wood chipper will be employed. Let’s see…
It would be really great if the new owner had the wisdom to recycle wood chips as clean fill on his own slope that borders the marsh. Also I don’t want him to clear out all the trees, and it would be mighty cool for the woods to remain in his back-backyard to offer a flank of privacy.
An old patched up cedar fence remains as an eyesore. Even removing the fence is a big job, and I hope I don’t see another vinyl fence go up. Somehow a vinyl fence clashes with old houses because they are not period correct.
Anyways someone is beginning their project and this tree pruning and removal even so far cost many thousands. I think I would do what MFM suggests though and remove trees that threaten the house, even though they provide shade.
My day yesterday got broken up. Had an incidental lunch meeting with the Editor of the Peekskill Herald. By chance we stopped by Bennie’s Brown Bag, a sandwich shop that had a one day burger pop-up event. Bennie’s is a storefront built on a house run by a some Brooklyn hipsters.
It was there where this woman Regina engaged with us as we waited for our food. Regina is the Editor and Chief of the Peekskill Herald, an old newspaper that went under, and was revived about 5 years ago.
When our food was ready we proceeded to head home to eat, but Regina caught up with us and invited us into her home a short walk away, a house built in the 1890’s. Anyways we talked and ate. “Maggie” starting in January will have a column in the Peekskill Herald our local rag.
Of course we learned of the local smut and the politics. You should know I kept a low profile and hid that I have a journalism background and a writing background. I have plenty of things to do, and I don’t want a frenzied life, so I minded my own business.
Then after a long lunch we had an appointment to meet-up with the director of our local homeless shelter. In Brattleboro Vermont we saw all these “Campers” that reminded me of Portland Oregon, but in Peekskill the homeless are less visible and are not so obvious.
Pretty much this organization does a pretty great job with very limited resources. Their head quarters is an old warehouse on the waterfront. There are some local farms that donate fresh food, but in conversation it seems that we could do a lot of good by growing herbs.
This organization goes out of its way to not use expired or canned food. Health is promoted because many have hypertension, diabetes, and these diseases have to be mitigated. If we like, growing tomatoes and cucumbers would be a really great form of support, and even lettuce.
We have the land to spare, but Maggie thinks herbs are enough. Don’t tell Maggie, but I will create some raised beds and grow some tomatoes and cucumbers anyways under the guise for my own use. I have all that reclaimed cedar fencing to make raised beds.
Did you know that Tomatoes are deer proof? Pretty much I had Cherry Tomatoes growing wild on my slope in my back-backyard just from mulching. Also I love tomatoe sandwiches with lettuce and a lite mayo. Thick sandwiches of thinly sliced cucumbers With light mayo on toast are really great summer snacks, especially in hot spells where you don’t really feel like eating.
In the spring Home Cheapo and Lowes have sales on garden soil. This would be the time to load up the truck as I say. This would also help build out the cliff I’m creating out of a slope. Pretty much Maggie wants to keep/maintain the two 40x40 lawns we have in the back-backyard. I get it, but now I know how to go stealth mode in the back and build out the slope.
I think Cherry Tomatoes create the most yield and a steady harvest. I would like to also do plum tomatoes and make my own sauce. Anyways I am reminded of how I created feasts and how pretty much love can go into cooking and feeding people.
Time to man up. We realize how the world is exploding and imploding, but all we can do is do something local, something small…
Cal
This house pretty much has not been improved upon or really maintained for about 27 years. The property got overgrown even with mature trees, and yesterday a tree crew came by and started the process of pruning back trees and taking some down.
They put in a full day, and I suspect they have more work to do because all the clean fill remains. Likely a wood chipper will be employed. Let’s see…
It would be really great if the new owner had the wisdom to recycle wood chips as clean fill on his own slope that borders the marsh. Also I don’t want him to clear out all the trees, and it would be mighty cool for the woods to remain in his back-backyard to offer a flank of privacy.
An old patched up cedar fence remains as an eyesore. Even removing the fence is a big job, and I hope I don’t see another vinyl fence go up. Somehow a vinyl fence clashes with old houses because they are not period correct.
Anyways someone is beginning their project and this tree pruning and removal even so far cost many thousands. I think I would do what MFM suggests though and remove trees that threaten the house, even though they provide shade.
My day yesterday got broken up. Had an incidental lunch meeting with the Editor of the Peekskill Herald. By chance we stopped by Bennie’s Brown Bag, a sandwich shop that had a one day burger pop-up event. Bennie’s is a storefront built on a house run by a some Brooklyn hipsters.
It was there where this woman Regina engaged with us as we waited for our food. Regina is the Editor and Chief of the Peekskill Herald, an old newspaper that went under, and was revived about 5 years ago.
When our food was ready we proceeded to head home to eat, but Regina caught up with us and invited us into her home a short walk away, a house built in the 1890’s. Anyways we talked and ate. “Maggie” starting in January will have a column in the Peekskill Herald our local rag.
Of course we learned of the local smut and the politics. You should know I kept a low profile and hid that I have a journalism background and a writing background. I have plenty of things to do, and I don’t want a frenzied life, so I minded my own business.
Then after a long lunch we had an appointment to meet-up with the director of our local homeless shelter. In Brattleboro Vermont we saw all these “Campers” that reminded me of Portland Oregon, but in Peekskill the homeless are less visible and are not so obvious.
Pretty much this organization does a pretty great job with very limited resources. Their head quarters is an old warehouse on the waterfront. There are some local farms that donate fresh food, but in conversation it seems that we could do a lot of good by growing herbs.
This organization goes out of its way to not use expired or canned food. Health is promoted because many have hypertension, diabetes, and these diseases have to be mitigated. If we like, growing tomatoes and cucumbers would be a really great form of support, and even lettuce.
We have the land to spare, but Maggie thinks herbs are enough. Don’t tell Maggie, but I will create some raised beds and grow some tomatoes and cucumbers anyways under the guise for my own use. I have all that reclaimed cedar fencing to make raised beds.
Did you know that Tomatoes are deer proof? Pretty much I had Cherry Tomatoes growing wild on my slope in my back-backyard just from mulching. Also I love tomatoe sandwiches with lettuce and a lite mayo. Thick sandwiches of thinly sliced cucumbers With light mayo on toast are really great summer snacks, especially in hot spells where you don’t really feel like eating.
In the spring Home Cheapo and Lowes have sales on garden soil. This would be the time to load up the truck as I say. This would also help build out the cliff I’m creating out of a slope. Pretty much Maggie wants to keep/maintain the two 40x40 lawns we have in the back-backyard. I get it, but now I know how to go stealth mode in the back and build out the slope.
I think Cherry Tomatoes create the most yield and a steady harvest. I would like to also do plum tomatoes and make my own sauce. Anyways I am reminded of how I created feasts and how pretty much love can go into cooking and feeding people.
Time to man up. We realize how the world is exploding and imploding, but all we can do is do something local, something small…
Cal
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Calzone
Gear Whore #1
Glueing my bathroom cabinet doors is a good distraction. I’m feeling a bit unsettled the day after Halloween, and pretty much after having that meeting with Cynthia at the homeless shelter I’m suffering from some “survivor’s guilt.”
I feel triggered because I have had a rather reckless and edgy life that was fraught, loaded with risk, and reckless behavior. I never thought I would get old, always thought I would die young, and pretty much defied death several times.
My background and upbringing I have been told has five highly probable outcomes: homelessness; mental illness; drug or alcohol addiction; suicide; and criminality. Somehow even though I am fully acquainted with these statistically indicated outcomes I survived, and pretty much I’m a remarkable exception I have been told. I have amazing resilience.
I think of why I love biking, photography, and the guitar. With biking it is just me and my body doing and performing physics in real time; with photography I’m just trying to capture and document a moment to freeze time and have a sense of permanence; and with guitar somehow express myself in a pure manner in the moment.
The archive I created shooting urban landscape and street photography in NYC I now understand was away to create a sense of home and to create a form of permanence knowing that eventually I would have to leave. Being a gentrifier and moving around so much for me it reinforced a different form of homelessness than the form of homelessness I experienced.
Know that the classic idea of homelessness does not apply to me: living on the street. Home is a “safe-place” and pretty much a place where you are nurtured and where you belong. I grew up not having that. My story is not so different than the story of Tarzan, a baby that should not have survived.
Writing for me is self reflection, and I search for a deeper meaning. It is not really living in the moment. Then I wonder how to tell a story. One of the reasons I was a visual artist is that I had to sort out my jumbled confused thinking. I had no beginning, middle or end.
Then I moved to screenwriting and TV Broadcast Journalism to be able to tell a story in 6-7 sentences that had a beginning, middle, and an end; and to be able to write a screenplay that was autobiographical that I was only able to write from the safety of a third person POV. None the less, this led to a breakdown…
Then September 11th happened and all the things I thought I resolved became shuffled again, and I found myself lost in unresolved grief. It was then that I began writing in the first-person and studied with Kathleen Finneran a Whiting Writing Award winning non fiction writer, who after 3 years on mentoring encouraged me to get a MFA and advised me that my story would take a long time to write and that it would take time.
Paula Deitz, the Editor of The Hudson Review, also guided me: her advise was what is more interesting than what happened to me is the man that I became. Today that truth has become even more evident.
Also Ping Chong a Tony Award winning Director at an audition once asked me, “When will I ever come to terms with your loses?” This is a very provoking question.
Part of me wants to forget and just move forward, but then again do I want my story to end when I die?
I know and realize I should be dead, I should not have survived, I defied the odds and probabilities, and still after decades of struggle I still have these secrets that still haunt me and create dilemmas.
On one hand I don’t think I have the strength, but on the other hand is seems I’m compelled to struggle. Very hard to express the compelling reasons, thoughts and internal conflict. I should be happy, but I remain unsettled…
I have survivor’s guilt.
Cal
I feel triggered because I have had a rather reckless and edgy life that was fraught, loaded with risk, and reckless behavior. I never thought I would get old, always thought I would die young, and pretty much defied death several times.
My background and upbringing I have been told has five highly probable outcomes: homelessness; mental illness; drug or alcohol addiction; suicide; and criminality. Somehow even though I am fully acquainted with these statistically indicated outcomes I survived, and pretty much I’m a remarkable exception I have been told. I have amazing resilience.
I think of why I love biking, photography, and the guitar. With biking it is just me and my body doing and performing physics in real time; with photography I’m just trying to capture and document a moment to freeze time and have a sense of permanence; and with guitar somehow express myself in a pure manner in the moment.
The archive I created shooting urban landscape and street photography in NYC I now understand was away to create a sense of home and to create a form of permanence knowing that eventually I would have to leave. Being a gentrifier and moving around so much for me it reinforced a different form of homelessness than the form of homelessness I experienced.
Know that the classic idea of homelessness does not apply to me: living on the street. Home is a “safe-place” and pretty much a place where you are nurtured and where you belong. I grew up not having that. My story is not so different than the story of Tarzan, a baby that should not have survived.
Writing for me is self reflection, and I search for a deeper meaning. It is not really living in the moment. Then I wonder how to tell a story. One of the reasons I was a visual artist is that I had to sort out my jumbled confused thinking. I had no beginning, middle or end.
Then I moved to screenwriting and TV Broadcast Journalism to be able to tell a story in 6-7 sentences that had a beginning, middle, and an end; and to be able to write a screenplay that was autobiographical that I was only able to write from the safety of a third person POV. None the less, this led to a breakdown…
Then September 11th happened and all the things I thought I resolved became shuffled again, and I found myself lost in unresolved grief. It was then that I began writing in the first-person and studied with Kathleen Finneran a Whiting Writing Award winning non fiction writer, who after 3 years on mentoring encouraged me to get a MFA and advised me that my story would take a long time to write and that it would take time.
Paula Deitz, the Editor of The Hudson Review, also guided me: her advise was what is more interesting than what happened to me is the man that I became. Today that truth has become even more evident.
Also Ping Chong a Tony Award winning Director at an audition once asked me, “When will I ever come to terms with your loses?” This is a very provoking question.
Part of me wants to forget and just move forward, but then again do I want my story to end when I die?
I know and realize I should be dead, I should not have survived, I defied the odds and probabilities, and still after decades of struggle I still have these secrets that still haunt me and create dilemmas.
On one hand I don’t think I have the strength, but on the other hand is seems I’m compelled to struggle. Very hard to express the compelling reasons, thoughts and internal conflict. I should be happy, but I remain unsettled…
I have survivor’s guilt.
Cal
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Calzone
Gear Whore #1
In today’s episode of “I was Just Minding My own Business” my artistic delusion of building a backyard “Pump-Track” seriously got suddenly advanced. “Don’t tell Maggie.”
I was in my back-backyard respectfully moving some gifted firewood from my across the street neighbor out of the way of one of the chainsaw wielding workers. Pretty much a simple act of moving a stack of firewood from the dead-end a few feet away to my property proper on the other side of a low chain link fence. EZ-PZ.
I explained in Spanish that I was just making some space so he could do his job. Then I asked him what is going to be done with all the branches, logs, and brush that was a high pile several car lengths long.
Pretty much chipped and then thrown out.
Of course I was compelled to “rescue” the clean fill for not only my need, but also my next door neighbor who’s wife inquired when they might get a share from my friend Craig. Of course I’m also trying to save the planet in a small way.
As I am writing this trees are being chipped into my dead end. So how did my delusion become a fast tracked reality? BTW building out my “cliff” would of taken years, but after this year’s leaf harvest I might be pretty close, especially if I’m a clean fill hog or my neighbor decides it is not worth his effort.
Moral of the story is perhaps I’m delusional for good reason. I’m eating now. Also Craig gave me an antique pitch fork: perfect for the task at hand if a shovel does not work. I’m eating now so I can get to work with my dump cart As soon as the huge pile is assembled.
In an earlier post I tell of how evil I can be, but basically I’m a team player, very friendly, and basically there has to be something wrong with you for me not to get along with you.
Second moral of the story: “Don’t Tread On Me.”
Cal
I was in my back-backyard respectfully moving some gifted firewood from my across the street neighbor out of the way of one of the chainsaw wielding workers. Pretty much a simple act of moving a stack of firewood from the dead-end a few feet away to my property proper on the other side of a low chain link fence. EZ-PZ.
I explained in Spanish that I was just making some space so he could do his job. Then I asked him what is going to be done with all the branches, logs, and brush that was a high pile several car lengths long.
Pretty much chipped and then thrown out.
Of course I was compelled to “rescue” the clean fill for not only my need, but also my next door neighbor who’s wife inquired when they might get a share from my friend Craig. Of course I’m also trying to save the planet in a small way.
As I am writing this trees are being chipped into my dead end. So how did my delusion become a fast tracked reality? BTW building out my “cliff” would of taken years, but after this year’s leaf harvest I might be pretty close, especially if I’m a clean fill hog or my neighbor decides it is not worth his effort.
Moral of the story is perhaps I’m delusional for good reason. I’m eating now. Also Craig gave me an antique pitch fork: perfect for the task at hand if a shovel does not work. I’m eating now so I can get to work with my dump cart As soon as the huge pile is assembled.
In an earlier post I tell of how evil I can be, but basically I’m a team player, very friendly, and basically there has to be something wrong with you for me not to get along with you.
Second moral of the story: “Don’t Tread On Me.”
Cal