I’m going to write. Seems to be a destiny happening. At the Brattleboro Book Festival not only “Maggie” will be presenting, but also Pablo Medina my MFA Thesis advisor.
Paula Deitz, the Editor of the Hudson Review once mentioned that a more interesting story is the man that evolved after being in the Foster Care System for a decade. Pretty much what happened to me as a kid is less important. I think this is/was great advice, but I refrained from taking this task on.
It was a matter of fatigue, discouragement, and the need for separation. The timing was not right. This ending happened right around 2007-2008 when I got obsessed with photography. Pretty much I not only needed a break, but I also wanted to do something fun, so I changed my focus as well as my creative identity.
So now I have mucho inroads into the writing community. Thanks to this forum I kinda have developed some and have continued to write almost every day, but this is much more serious writing, and of course things get complicated fast if you are me.
The recent passing of my sister is a very profound moment and an epiphany for me. I realized I mourned and grieved the loss of my sister, and my two older brothers about or almost 3 decades ago. Know that my two brothers are living, and for clarity my sister only died last week.
My niece initiated contact with me perhaps 15 years ago initially via an E-mail. Pretty much her father was evasive and could not answer the question of what happened to me, and why I seemed to have disappeared. She had just graduated college and had a very confused identity. Part of this was being of mixed race: Chinese/White.
We had a public meeting, and I learned that she described her relationship with her parents as estranged. She like me was kinda pushed away. Anyways it seemed that personality is innate, and pretty much my niece and I were somewhat painful reminders of the mother that my oldest brother had lost.
There was a great amount of dysfunctional family dynamic revealed, but I presented things in a manner that led to an understanding and compassion for a man, her father, who has/had limitations and was human.
I would later learn that my niece moved forward and re-established a relationship with her estranged parents. Of course this was my goal. I was mature enough to not have anger or hard feelings. It seemed the level of understanding and compassion both my niece and I have and share.
So mucho time passes, and I get another E-mail about my sister’s passing. My niece of course, but I had to explain how I grieved about 3 decades ago over her loss, and that showing up at a wake or service would not be a good thing for anyone.
In the late 90’s I wrote a screenplay about a man who lost his mother twice: once to mental illness; and a second time upon her death. Pretty much an epiphany happens where he realizes the family dynamic of where he is the painful reminder of the mother they all lost, he understands the projecting of mental illness imposed upon him by his family, and all the meanings of a lot of behavior.
Part of this is guilt, and survivor’s guilt. Part of this story is about abandonment and neglect. Of course some hideous trauma is revealed.
And this is from a man who was too young to really know his mother, at least when she was well.
My screenplay was powerful, but it was tragic and sad. Pretty much an interesting story but a hard sell.
I think I now have the bones to write a story that has a lot more complexity, compassion, understanding, and perhaps is more about redemption. I saved myself, and I also saved my niece from a repeat of family history. I think over the decades I have also become not only a better writer, but also a better man.
There’s a lot to think about. “Maggie” suggests just start writing and see how things fit together later.
Anyways seems like divine intervention, and a strange twist in retirement. BTW I do believe in destiny… There has to be some greater meaning to what I experienced.
Anyways something is happening beyond my control… Oh-well…
Cal