This year I'm doing nothing. For the past two months I have been withdrawing from social activities. I was overly active earlier in the year, but now I'm keeping to myself much more. This Christmas and general holiday season, I'm doing nothing much and did not spend time shopping for presents.
Last year I had a girlfriend and my oldest son was visiting me from the U.S. So, I spent plenty on Christmas presents for them--not many, just a good bit of money. This year without a girlfriend, I've bought none. I'll just send my kids (they're in the U.S.) Amazon gift cards for a couple hundred dollars each so that they can buy what they want. Not very personal, but it seems to be alright with them now that they're older. So under my Charlie Brown Christmas tree, I only have fake presents for decoration (see me and tree in the photo).
Oh, I did get one present, though. I opened it a little while ago. A friend of mine bought me a ceramic kitchen knife because I said I was curious about them. I didn't see how they could work well. I thought they couldn't be sharp. I was wrong. I slashed the palm of my hand trying lightly to see how sharp it was. That was a merry surprise present indeed. Actually, now that I think about it, I fared better on presents this year than I did last year. Last year I gave the girlfriend diamond-stud earrings and she gave me nothing. At least this year I didn't buy her anything and a friend gave me a kitchen knife. See, there's a positive side when you tally things.
It's certainly not a happy feeling, being alone and doing nothing, but it's not a sad one. It's just neutral. Several friends tried to get me to visit them today, but I dodged and refused invitations. I could also have hosted a lunch at my house. I cook moderately well. I thought of roasting a turkey and making pumpkin pie and all and inviting a bunch of friends. But I just didn't feel like being upbeat. Since the girlfriend ran off on New Year's Eve night last year--when she was supposed to be on her way to my place--I'm more conscious of the fact that I'm finishing a year without a girlfriend. No big deal, but I feel the pain. I don't like to ignore or suppress my feelings. Instead, I prefer to let them play out in my way.
So, I would say that I have chosen to do nothing special for Christmas, but would prefer to have been with someone special to me. I would like to have bought gifts for such a someone and have had them give me a gift that shows they know me well. But it didn't happen and that's alright. Plenty of other good things happen for me often and have happened all year. This day and New Year's Eve are not report card days. They are not the days in which my life is judged and my happiness is assessed. It's not like any other day because others are doing what they do. Instead, for me it's a day alone for reflection and relaxation. It's kind of nice.
