Got a Joke to Tell? Please keep it clean!

[lefou]

What are Romeo and Juliet's favorite Fruit?

 

[tunalegs]

Knock knock.

 

[Bill Clark]

Who's there?

 

[tunalegs]

Numbert...

 

[Bill Clark]

Numbert who?

 

[sreed2006]

That's not clean. 🙂

 

[dmr]

Why do you wear an evening gown to a nightclub?

Shouldn't you be wearing a nightgown? 🙂

 

[Mr_Flibble]

My joke got deleted? Was it considered that unclean? 🙁

Tough crowd....

 

[Doug]

Yes, well, the jokes need to be clean. How clean? There is a range of cleanliness, isn't there? 🙂 I just figure "clean" is "family clean"... and funny of course!

 

[Roger Hicks]

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical
But the funny ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical

Then again

There was a young man of St. Bees
Who was stung on the nose by a wasp.
When asked "does it hurt?"
He replied, "Yes it does,
But I'm glad that it wasn't a hornet."

Cheers,

R.

 

[KoNickon]

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical
But the funny ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical

Then again

There was a young man of St. Bees
Who was stung on the nose by a wasp.
When asked "does it hurt?"
He replied, "Yes it does,
But I'm glad that it wasn't a hornet."

Cheers,

R.

A non-rhyming limerick -- a new genre! Scans nicely. (Or am I totally missing the point -- again?)

 

[Roger Hicks]

A non-rhyming limerick -- a new genre! Scans nicely. (Or am I totally missing the point -- again?)

That's not the only one I know:

There was a young man of Nepal
Who went to a fancy dress party.
He decided to risk it
And went as a biscuit
But they hung up his skin in the vestibule

Or for another kind

There was an old man of Japan
Who, when asked why his rhymes wouldn't scan,
Replied, "Well, you see,
The trouble with me
Is that I always try to put as many words in the last line as ever I possibly can."

There's also one where I don't recall the third and fourth lines:

Consider the hosts without no.
Who are slain by the deadly cuco.
++++++
++++++
Results in a permanent slo.

Cheers,

R.

 

[KoNickon]

There was a young man from Batavia,
Who did not believe in Our Savior.
He founded instead,
With himself as its head,
A cult of decorous behavior.

Note that this limerick works best when recited with a Boston accent, so that the second and last lines rhyme with the first.

 

[Roger Hicks]

. . . Note that this limerick works best when recited with a Boston accent, so that the second and last lines rhyme with the first.

Or indeed most English accents.

For pronunciations,

There once was a don of divinity
Who made boast of his daughter's virginity
The must have be dawdlin'
Those students at Magdalene
It would never have happened at Trinity

Magdalene, the Cambridge college, being pronounced "maudlin" and Trinity of course being another Cambridge college.

Cheers,

R.

 

[sepiareverb]

Wanna hear a joke about sodium?

Na.

How about a joke about sodium hypobromide?

NaBro.

 

[someonenameddavid]

There was a young man, name of Peter:
Tried to fix a faulty gas meter:
He first struck a light,
Blew him clear out of site,
And, as anyone who knows anything about poetry will tell you,
Completely ruined the meter

 

[KoNickon]

There was a young man, name of Peter:
Tried to fix a faulty gas meter:
He first struck a light,
Blew him clear out of site,
And, as anyone who knows anything about poetry will tell you,
Completely ruined the meter

Wonderful!

 

[kermaier]

Man sitting at a bar turns to the stranger next to him and says, "I'll bet you $100 that I can drink 5 glasses of beer before you can drink 5 shots of whiskey. Only rule is we can't touch each other's glasses."
The other guy says, "I'll take that bet!"
Bartender pours the drinks and says "Go!"
The man with the beers starts drinking. He's going pretty quickly, but of course he's no match in speed for the man with the shots. He's halfway through his first beer when the whiskey drinker drains his second shot. He finished the first beer when the whiskey drinker polishes off his fourth shot.
He then inverts his empty beer glass over the last remaining shot of whiskey, and spends the next hour drinking his 4 beers, while his opponent watches helplessly.

 

[kermaier]

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

 

[Joe Jesus]

there are two types of people in this world:

those who can extrapolate from incomplete data