Phil -
I am not a qualified psychotherapist, but I understand where you are coming from. This lockdown has gone from inconvenient to endless. I don't see it as a government intrusion (incompetence is another question...). If there is something out there killing 3,000 people a day, I'm not playing. I have too many older relatives. In my state (Michigan), even the people who talk a big talk are mostly falling in line. But the most demoralizing thing is watching people screwing around and making this go longer than it needs to. I feel like a lot of our fellow Americans failed the Marshmallow Test. I'm irritated that they are prolonging this because they can't imagine a non huggy-huggy Thanksgiving.
At the beginning, a lot of things that seemed like priorities stopped being priorities. It actually wasn't bad reading bad Michael Crichton novels weeknights on the patio. Or Robin Cook (more on this on the Machine Planet site shortly). Then I got to a million stupid home repair projects. Scanning and filing papers properly. Bottled 48 bottles of 90-proof hootch. I'm all caught up!
But as the north-central winter sets in, everyone in my family is climbing the walls. Our kids are having a tough time of this. Probably tougher spending so much time around their parents. The only consolation was moving from a high-rise to the ground a few years ago, where at least there is enough space to avoid violence when Legos start to fly. But we just attack it one day at a time. There is always a goal, however small. For example, tonight I plan not to food-poison my family with my cooking.
As to photography, I resolved the ennui this way: there is going to be another project.
First, I found all of my extra prints. If they were of friends, I packaged them up and mailed them out. To tell the truth, I should have done that when I took them... up to 20 years ago. I even did that with contact sheets (which I don't use anymore). I kept one copy of each fiber print in one of many unused Itoya books I found in a box. I can't wait for the angry communications from friends who get packages of prints that include some with their "starter spouses."
Second, I took a bunch of finished work that I found in the basement and gave it to friends on the condition that they give something to charity. I broke my promise not to buy any more materials to finish any un-matted items, but with the help of a Logan 714, I'm now not sitting on anything. What wasn't suitable for this I just pitched. I'll make more.
Third, I figured out what the next photographic tool would be (here, a 15mm shift). I'll sell whatever old stuff is necessary to afford it. When you have that impulse to get rid of stuff, buy the new thing first. It's totally ok to clear old things to clear your mind and force yourself to try something new. I think I have cycled - albeit rapidly - through a lot of exotica. It's not that you need a fisheye or a Lomo or whatever. It's that it forces you to approach photography in a novel way. It's a new problem to solve.
Finally, I ordered 30 rolls of black and white film. This is possibly my single greatest act of defiance. Screw you, COVID-19. I know I already have 140 rolls of film waiting, but twenty-twenty-one is going to be a hella sunny year.
Hang in there!
Dante
