Cal,
I came in only recently to following you on your journal/journey. When I joined RFF I noted your thread and wondered what you were up to, but over time I have come to see the value of your daily diary like entries. I at first thought you were taking a bit of a risk, the internet being what it is and you two are a couple with a relatively high modern profile, but this forum is perhaps one of the kindest places for it. I sometimes feel like this is the kind of table you see in small village restaurants where a number of older men get together for breakfast and discuss life, except with pictures.
Anyway, I have seen no need to contribute, and just enjoyed the flow. Now though, I can probably put in a few relevant comments. I was diagnosed with mesothelioma in 2020, probably as a result of my naval service 50 years ago. I have now lived twice as long as the average expected post diagnosis. This was no doubt because the FDA approved a two drug immunotherapy treatment just as I was diagnosed, and I have been on it off and on since. I still am stable and enjoying life thoroughly so survival is the best revenge. My wife is also 25 years out from ovarian and breast cancer, so I have been a caregiver and can see both sides of the situation.
A few things I have learned:
Being a stubborn SOB is an asset
Trust science and medicine and try to stay alive long enough to benefit from advances. Your cancer is one that is getting a lot of money for research.
Don’t try to be as skinny as you can, though staying in good shape is an excellent plan. I have been through several spells where I lost up to 20 pounds due to treatment and loss of appetite. I am 5’11” and weigh 165. Being 144 was no fun.
You sound as independent as me, or more so. I never felt the need for support groups or doing any heavy reading on coping with cancer or end of life circumstances. Being 76 now I figure I am in the gravy years and if I hadn’t already figured out life I probably would not be able to do it in the midst of all this.
Realize that you may have an easier time dealing with this than your friends and those close to you. They don’t know what to say or how to act in most cases and will undoubtedly say the wrong thing or seem to be ignoring your situation. They are afraid for their own mortality in some cases, and some may be terrified of losing you. Be patient with others. I had a mechanic friend who, when I told him of my diagnosis said, “Oh , my buddy had that, it didn’t take long and it was a terrible death”. Sometimes you just have to laugh at how inept people are at dealing with this.
You have a great interest in life and the things around you, this is a huge asset. I get more good out of playing with the cameras and walking my dogs than any therapy session. Thank the fates that you are obsessed with cycling and music.
I think you mentioned waiting to start Social Security. Think about who is coming into office and what rules may change, plus your life is different now.
You will not be the same person you were after treatment, as you have mentioned several times. My brain feels like it has been rewired, but that has not been a bad thing. I have also become less able to do things I did 5 years ago. Again, not so bad. This change motivated me to start photography in a more serious way and I see things much differently because of the adjustment. Your treatment is different, but you are still in control. Guide your change to where you want it to be.
Enough kibitzing from me, you are the captain of your own ship and a good navigator from what I can tell from here. Forgive me if this seems a bit too forward.
Ron