NYC Journal

Hi Cal,
You are pretty good at conveying information…and I think you have a good attitude. Wishing you the best in the next 6 months and for the decades thereafter.

Ron
 
Thanks Ron,

I worked at a famous Cancer hospital as a Cyclotron Engineer.

The Cold Agglutinin Disease was first diagnosed at age 49. I lived with the Cancer scare before. Luckily I am a “medical mystery” and remain asymptomatic. All I have to do is limit my exposure to the cold. My red blood cells clump up in the cold, and this impedes circulation. I turn kinda blue, and this sticking together of red blood cells can cause them to die off early and lead to anemias.

If my CAD made a jump to a full blown Cancer it would lead to a lymphoma and a quick death. Pretty much only months to live. Kinda like being like a time bomb or being a grenade with the pin pulled out.

Likely why I say “Oh-well” all the time. So now I’m 67. In a few years it will be two decades of living in the realm of “Oh-well.”

Grateful to be otherwise a model of health being both thin and muscular. So I now live with two different kinds of Cancer.

Know there is a possibility that the Prostate Cancer could never return and it could be a non issue. That kinda opens up after a decade of being Cancer free. There of course are other forms of Cancer. Don’t know what is in my genes, but Cancer really does not run in my family, although my sister last year died of Cancer at the age of 71.

My Cancer could be explained by what the black community calls weathering. Trauma, poverty, oppression, and racism can cause chronic stress that can actually cause disease and damage DNA by weakening and prematurely aging the caps at the ends of your double helix on your DNA.

I guess I’m fighting against odds, but then again I still could exceed 100. I feel I’m driven more than most, and I have not wasted my life. I have done a lot, and feel there is more to come. I defied all these disadvantages, made something of myself from nothing, and have a good life. Hard to feel like the end is near. Anyways I don’t believe that my end is near, and yet I have a feeling of an important destiny that is yet to come.

I am not religious, I hate all organized religions, but not only am I spirited, I am highly spiritual. So many Devine interventions and remarkable interventions that reinforce my belief in divine intervention.

Take this embedded blog. I did not intend on starting this. It kinda was passed onto me, then it evolved. This Meet-Up thread was started around 2007 or so by someone else, than I kinda got snookered, then it grew…

Pretty much just trying to mind my own business, trying to stay under the radar, trying to remain humble, trying to stay kinda invisible so I can be left alone, but that can’t seem to happen.

Anyways there seems to be a deeper meaning here, and I have not figured it out. I feel like in the “Blues Brothers,” “I’m on a mission from God.” How crazy is that? And I don’t feel grandiose saying that. Something remarkable is going on that has a deeper meaning. A big mystery…

I guess what comes across here though in my writings is the human experience, and the gift of intelligence that I hope not to waste.

I do wonder about my destiny… My life seems much less important than my destiny… All this is feelings that I have had since a child…

Cal
 
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I forgot to mention that the use of radiation with hormone therapy concurrently could mean that the hormone therapy and its side effects might be reduced to only 6 months.

Of course this would reduce the “fem-out,” possible weight gain as muscle is lost, and most importantly the worse side effect of me becoming a crazy psycho bitch from hell. LOL.

Cal
 
BA Visual Arts, MA TV Broadcast Journalism and Screenwriting; MFA Creative Writing.

Worked at Grumman for 17 years, two National Labs, a major Cancer hospital, and also a guitar shop.

Only technical education was a six month vocational school for Electronics, but eventually I worked one-on-one with PhD scientists to get an education in science you cannot get in grad school.

So I have a really broad background in the arts and the sciences. Then I’m smart, clever, creative and a bit crazy. Lots of talent, and I guess I disappointed lots of mentors.

Pretty much a lost kid with lots of potential…

So now I’m retired after a life of wandering around. Kinda aimless and free. Then too many strange things happen to me, more than my fair share…

So full of life, yet somehow lost… This annoys people. LOL.

Cal
 
Calzone said:
... I am not religious, I hate all organized religions, but not only am I spirited, I am highly spiritual. So many Devine interventions and remarkable interventions that reinforce my belief in divine intervention.

... Anyways there seems to be a deeper meaning here, and I have not figured it out. I feel like in the “Blues Brothers,” “I’m on a mission from God.” How crazy is that? And I don’t feel grandiose saying that. Something remarkable is going on that has a deeper meaning. A big mystery…

I guess what comes across here though in my writings is the human experience, and the gift of intelligence that I hope not to waste.

I do wonder about my destiny… My life seems much less important than my destiny… All this is feelings that I have had since a child…
Click to expand...

Apologies first. I did a bit of selective editing on your (above) post, to bring to the fore the points I want to focus on.

What you wrote is deep.

As a late convert to Minimalist Buddhism - I won't attempt to explain this term, it would derail your thread and hijack it, which I don't want to do - I would sum up what you wrote as "all in the laps of the gods". Which in itself is a major contradiction for me, as traditionally Buddhists either do not believe in any god/gods at all, or they take a middle-of-the-road approach and say, well, okay, there may be a god/gods but as good and devoted Buddhists we try to deal with other matters and we aren't concerned with that issue. Which maybe makes very little sense to some and even no sense at all to many, but to Buddhists it is perfectly logical even if we can't explain it.

You are spiritual in a classic if non-religious sense as you see your destiny as both manifest and manifold - the first term means it is entirely to yourself, the latter term expands it in the broader sense, that you have a purpose, but some or most or even all of it has so far escaped you. As it usually does. Again, I also say this for myself here, or to put it in more simple terms, welcome to the (Buddhist) club.

I could go more deeply into this ,but again I fear hijacking your thread and rejigging it to points that would take us away from your life, your activities, your recent events health and other, and your thoughts. Best to keep your thread entirely as it is, unique and wonderful...

To me an important part of 'managing' one's destiny, even if you fail to grasp exactly what it is. Information, acquiring and dealing with it, is the key to succeeding in all things, especially life and health.

We really do not know how or why we are here or what the future holds for us. But as a dear friend, also a Buddhist abbot, often says, the future is basically like the horizon anyway - the closer you get to it, the further it runs away from you.

On that note, I again wish you well, and the very best outcome for the medical events you are about to go through. Remember to do as the Buddhists do - treat it all as an adventure. Also be sure to ask questions. Information is power!!
 
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Intuition and feeling is a big part of my life.

Right now I feel peace.

There is likely a tie in Buddhism to diminishing Ego and being grounded into being humble.

Someone called, and I will return the missed call tomorrow. I likely got the prescription for a Cardiogram and for bloodwork so it will be ready for my Monday appointment with my PCP.

The actual surgery takes about 3 hours I was told.

Evidently the hormone treatment I will be getting is much more advanced than the first generation versions. I’ll begetting the latest versions. Also I think all the nearby lymph nodes will be removed.

Cal
 
Hi Cal, youe health difficulties will take away some of your energy in the next weeks and months. But you have a good attitude and you will manage it. Wish you the best outcome from your surgery and treatments. Be strong!
 
Thanks for the best wishes.

I will become a different man, but I will be fine. Luckily I have good care and the outcome looks very positive.

The recovery they now say is 3-6 months, and that also falls in line with regaining bladder control. I just hope I’m not in the 10% that never regain control.

Another “Oh-well.”

I think today I will order some Callahan hardware to have on-hand all the necessary parts to build out the two custom color bodies. They are colorful and spice up the look of my guitar room.

It seems like flat picking and pick and fingers is where my playing is staying. Palming the pick I can do, but it only frees up my index and thumb. Not so easy to do the switch from palming. Perhaps practice-practice-and practice.

The white pearloid pickguard looks great on the Sonic Blue Thinline. A bit loud looking and a bold look that is kinda retro.

Fender built Thinlines starting in 1969 and this initial run ended in 1971. The rumor and story was that Fender had a warehouse full of Ash that was mucho heavy, so they came up with a design that milled out the insides from the back, and then covered the back with a flat thin sheet of ash to enclose now a semi-hollow body.

It was an economic adaptation. Now/today these original vintage Thinlines sell for $10K and up in “player” condition, meaning with average accumulated wear.

For me better to just build what I need, and ending up with a custom hot rodded guitar that is unique and cool. Of course there are lead times, for example the necks which are built as custom orders.

I’m thinking of buying a Baritone neck. This would allow me to convert one of my Tele’s into a tele with a longer neck that would have a deeper voicing. Also would help develop speed and technic, as the longer scale makes playing harder. The strings are of heavier gauge also and this inhibits many, but I actually do well with 12-54 strings on an electric at full pitch.

The Baraitone would free up a neck to use as a loaner, because I can buy one of these off the shelf without any lead time. Nice to have the right tool for the job kinda, and also great to aid in voice training. Know I can go deep and I have a really great “chest” voice. My “head” voice needs some work. Head and chest voices deal with resonance and exploiting it.

Pretty much the goal here is to play solo Jazz. Things are starting to ground swell.

On the home front “Maggie” is dealing with her feelings about her mother. Sadly Maggie’s deceased mom was not a nice person. There is a lot of pent up rage to deal with, but also growth. Pretty much an outcome of writing.

She is going through a difficult process and is a bit delicate, tender and fragile. The frantic lifestyle and being overly busy was only a coping mechanism to mask the past. Pretty much my saying, “I never knew anyone who had a complicated life, that was truly happy,” is evident here.

The decade of being a celeb, public figure, blogger then Digital Influencer, model, and publishing a book seriously aged her and now is being viewed as a masking of her past and a coping mechanism. I kinda knew this, but as they say in a 12-Step program and in the theater, “In your own time.”

This constant “striving” ends up being hollow and fruitless. A dilemma and an illusion, and pretty much you loose yourself. Your own Ego becomes your worse enemy, and you begin to believe all the flattery given by people that just want to use and consume you.

So the unsettleness of wanting to move, is really not being in the moment, or being really alive. It was a long process to shed, but our lives are getting simpler.

Cal
 
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I figure because otherwise I’m healthy with no chronic diseases that my recovery might be closer to the 3 months rather than the 6 months, My primary urologist also stated that.

A big part of recovery is diet, and also exercise. Blood flow even from walking does wonders.

My personal trainer suggests when I pee to start and stop repeatedly to practice bladder control and to reinforce muscle memory.

Pretty much I don’t eat processed foods, and any sugar intake is limited. Glucose basically is food for Cancer.

My spin is that you can live without sugar in your diet, and pretty much cake, donuts, sweets, and desserts are Carcinogens. If I ate like other Americans my prostate Cancer likely would have progressed to being a terminal case.

I’m relaxing starting to put together the Sonic Blue Thinline. I will cannabilize a Callahan bridge from “Worm,” the Esquire, that is made from old barn wood that displays worm holes. The body is a 1-piece and it is cupped where the top of the body is convex. Pretty much I would consider it an arched top. Mighty cool…

I tried to place a Callahan order, but that southern snow storm closed down the small boutique business in Virginia. They will likely be open tomorrow, so then I’ll place the order. I’m ordering two tele bridges that are specialized for a Bigsby because in a ways they are an upgrade because I can mount the strings through body as normal, but I have the option of “Top-Loading” the strings for less string tension.

I’ll use these Bigsby Top-Loading bridges on a Tele and an Esquire (Worm) because these two guitars have all maple necks with maple fingerboards that promote treble at times that is too much. By Top-Loading I can soften the attack and smooth out the sound.

So taking my time and being thoughtful is actually being more productive. Kinda clever exploiting the modular design.

Next is ordering that Baritone neck…

I have a rather gentile life. I’m sure if I had to work my recovery would be fraught. If I can do my recover before the end of March muy bueno.

Tomorrow I have an appointment at the hospital lab to get my blood drawn and an EKG. Pretty much Monday my PCP will be back from vacation, and they bumped another person so I can get approved for surgery. A week from tomorrow is surgery.

Great thing is the DaVinci robot is at another hospital in Westchester so I don’t have to go into NYC. The surgery is a 3 hour procedure.

Cal
 
They already sent me a 2-page sheet of pre surgery protocols. The pre surgery approval is a mandatory protocol.

Blood tests, urine, and EKG that also includes a metabolic screening.

They say I can drive 24 hours after surgery. WOW.

They say I can go to work after 3-4 days. Ha-ha-ha… I’m retired.

Have to drink at least a half gallon of liquids a day. I expect I’ll be pissing all over the place.

There will be a biopsy of the prostate and the lymph nodes they remove.

They included a long list of medications that I have to stop pre surgery, but I use no medications.

Can’t pickup or carry anything over 10 pounds for 3 weeks.

So things are becoming real.

Cal
 
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I noticed a pattern in the U.S. Stock Markets. In the mornings there are strong gains, but then in the afternoon those gains get eroded, and by the close the markets are in the red with losses.

To me, I see possibly smart money selling into these gains in the morning to lock in profits and taking down the markets.

This is milking volatility for profits.

Cal
 
Calzone said:
I noticed a pattern in the U.S. Stock Markets. In the mornings there are strong gains, but then in the afternoon those gains get eroded, and by the close the markets are in the red with losses.

To me, I see possibly smart money selling into these gains in the morning to lock in profits and taking down the markets.

This is milking volatility for profits.

Cal
Click to expand...

This is typically good capitalist behaviour in action.

Has been going on for yonks. But big changes to be expected in the near future. Profits will go higher.
 
With trading pretty much they say it is a zero-sum game: 90% are losers and only 10% are the winners.

This daily display is a trader’s market. They love swings.

Remember that the profits are getting concentrated by the 10%.

BTW I don’t see the value, and generally the markets don’t like change or especially the chaos that has yet to come. The markets are IMHO delusional.

La-la-la…La-la-la…

Cal
 
A frigid 23 degrees today. The pre-surgery testing has been performed at the hospital in the outpatient lab. Monday is the appointment with my PCP. This is kinda like an annual physical, except with other more intensive tests, including an EKG.

Been a while, perhaps a decade since I had an EKG. Pretty much I was deemed too fit and heathy to have any cardio issues. The new machine uses only 4 tabs and takes about 15 seconds. Not like the old days. Here in New York at Columbia Presbyterian only all the latest technology.

At the orthopedic doctor I too was impressed with the X-ray technology which utilizes a tiny dose, and has so much resolution and sensitivity.

Only the best for me.

So I look at the timing. It was late July that I started getting the Cancer Screening, and the just before Thanksgiving the aggressive Prostate Cancer diagnosis. There were delays in processing and scheduling that pushed things out, but so far it looks like I got lucky in catching this Cancer in time before it was too late.

There was a lot of worry because of the waiting, and I will also say because information on the Internet is either outdated, or no longer valid. For example there was a lot of exaggeration of the weight gain, the muscle loss, and the side effects that likely were from the first generation hormone therapy drugs.

There is a new generation that is much improved, and the fact is now those side effects are kinda moot.

So pretty much I trust my two urologists. One is the Chief of Urology for Westchester, and he also is my robotic surgeon.

Been doing bladder training intervals. Pretty much drinking lots of fluids, and then when I pee starting and stopping the stream repeatedly as much as I can. I can also see how muscle memory is being triggered. Not so different than playing guitar.

So it dawned on me that I have a Jazz personality. My taste in music and life is towards constant evolution, surprise, and is kinda focused and segmented into passages. It is interesting how Jazz can be considered a philosophy in my case. I have had a life of passages that has a large dynamic range.

To me street photography embraces that Jazz orientation, and know that Devil Christian has stated that the way I shoot is performative. I’m such a Drama Queen… LOL.

Cal
 
Devil Cal,

Mansfield Sinar Handy 4x5 TMX400 65 F8 SA no CF by Nokton48, on Flickr


Greenhouse during trip to see solar eclipse. TMX400 4x5 Sinar Norma Homemade Handy 65mm F8 Schneider Super Angulon focused hyperfocally. Handheld no Center Filter. 4x5 Graphmatic Back. Processed in 4x5 Combiplan Tank Inversion Agitation HC110B Replenished. Skier 4x5 Box Full Power Sony Nex7 50mm Touit Zeiss 2.8/50M. Similar in some ways to your Devil Christian. A blast to shoot with.

To rinse film using the "Ilford Method" you only need five changes of water. I think I've heard of people watering plants with the saved water. Then you can digitize.
 
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After the hospital lab work I came home and had the opportunity to plug in. The tweaking continues. At this point I’m able to max out the volume to do perhaps the fine tuning. Adjustments were/are smaller.

Some observations: The guitar know as “Worm” that is made of old barn wood has responsive high “E” and “B” strings, but the other 4 strings that are wound just don’t ring as well as the two plain unwound strings. The Callahan bridge on Worm has brass saddles, and I think I will replace the brass saddles with steel versions to add in some pop. This should offer better string balance and add in some zing to sing and add in some articulation.

The swamp ash carved top hollow body does the best old school Jazz sound for my rendition of “Round Midnite.” Meanwhile the swamp ash Tele has an in your face treble that could benefit with a softened attack. I think a Top-Loader bridge is the next step. Just needs a little compression on the attack, just a tiny tad softer, usable as is, but perfection stands nearby.

The DeMarino needs fret dressing, a truss rod adjustment, and a new nut, but remains an interesting guitar. This guitar has lots of potential, and even though an Esquire with only one pickup it has a diverse tonal envelope.

The two Cabronita’s that have alder bodies play well, and offer a smoothness. The tone and sounds offered are vast, but perhaps not so cutting as a Tele. For me Tele’s stand out more in front, and perhaps the Cabronita’s are more relaxed and subdued, but not in a bad way. They surely are a fresh approach. Certainly Tele’s are more demanding to play.

So I embraced diversity, and it is great having a stable of guitars. Things are evolving. Pretty much the Thinline and the 1-piece bargain body will offer the alder Tele sound that tonally will kinda sit in between the Cabronita’s and the swamp ash Tele’s.

Understand that swamp ash is kinda aggressive with a scooped tonal range, and alder is more mellow and balanced in tone.

Anyways I’m pleased.

I’m off to change out the 2 brass saddles for steel versions on Worm. I think Worm has a Fir body. The cut is a perfect riff saw, and by some miracle the wood bowed perfectly into a nice arch that effectively makes this Esquire into an arched top guitar.

This guitar has a distressed white finish that makes it look mighty cool. While technically an Esquire, the body and neck follow a Snakehead design. This somewhat resembles a Tele and pre-dates the development of the Tele.

The DeMarino in 2025 is now a 30 year old guitar.

Cal
 
Wow, “Worm” really opened up.

Not only did I change out the two brass saddles for steel versions, I adjusted the truss rod, dressed the fret ends, and reset up the guitar. Plays well and I can tell the guitar is more open. Brutal. Can’t wait to plug it in.

Happy-happy. BTW the grandson loves this guitar and out of all of them it is hid favorite.

Callahan it seems is still not open for business. I wonder if they lost power.I just get a phone message machine.

The 6-10 week wait might have been marketing hype. I got an email about delivery, but UPS did not receive the parcel yet to start tracking. Now the necks are the bottleneck.

Update: no expected delivery yet, but the parcel is in UPS hands in San Francisco.

Cal
 
Today’s guitar tweaking was great. I have an inspiring arsenal of guitars and amps. There seems to be constant growth going on.

So every day I see some progress.

That’s all I need to move forward.

Cal
 
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