peterm1
Veteran
I only know two. Lets hear some of yours.
1) How do you tell if some one is a real photographer? You ask them to answer this question. Suppose you were walking through the woods and you came upon a clearing. In that clearing is a lake and in the lake is a man is obviously drowning. Now you only have time to do one of the following - save his life or take a photo. Now here's the question. Which lens should you use?
2) Two photographers walking along a street and they pass a beggar sitting with his hat up-ended on the pavement, begging for money. One guy keeps walking. The other stops. Later when they catch up with each other the first guy says to the other. "Hey I saw you stop for that beggar. What did you give him?"
"Oh" says the first guy, "1/125th at f5.6"
Boom Boom!
1) How do you tell if some one is a real photographer? You ask them to answer this question. Suppose you were walking through the woods and you came upon a clearing. In that clearing is a lake and in the lake is a man is obviously drowning. Now you only have time to do one of the following - save his life or take a photo. Now here's the question. Which lens should you use?
2) Two photographers walking along a street and they pass a beggar sitting with his hat up-ended on the pavement, begging for money. One guy keeps walking. The other stops. Later when they catch up with each other the first guy says to the other. "Hey I saw you stop for that beggar. What did you give him?"
"Oh" says the first guy, "1/125th at f5.6"
Boom Boom!
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swoop
Well-known
A priest, a rabbi and a horse walk into a darkroom...
Chris101
summicronia
A photographer walks into a bar.
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"Owww!"
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"Owww!"
Keith
The best camera is one that still works!
I was expecting another Cindy Sherman roast!
John Lawrence
Well-known
How do you get a professional photographer off your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza
What's the difference between a photographer and a large pepperoni pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four!
John
Pay him for the pizza
What's the difference between a photographer and a large pepperoni pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four!
John
dotur
od karnevala
www.ivanlozica.com
At maternity hospital young husband is surprised - both parents are fair-haired Caucasians, and the beautiful baby is completely black with curly hair...
— How is that possible? There must be a mistake!
— Not necessarily... you see, if your tool is too small and her too large, there is always a possibility for light-leak!
At maternity hospital young husband is surprised - both parents are fair-haired Caucasians, and the beautiful baby is completely black with curly hair...
— How is that possible? There must be a mistake!
— Not necessarily... you see, if your tool is too small and her too large, there is always a possibility for light-leak!
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swoop
Well-known
A professional photographer logs into a photo forum and asks "What lens should I use?"
btgc
Veteran
Boxer can uglify you by one hand. Photographer can uglify you by only one finger.
brachal
Refrigerated User
What's the difference between a frog hopping down the street and a photographer walking down the street?
The frog might be on his way to a job.
The frog might be on his way to a job.
brainwood
Registered Film User
A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!'' The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs." The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"
Stolen from somewhere else on the internet !!-
Stolen from somewhere else on the internet !!-
tlitody
Well-known
Photoshop. Helping the ugly since 1988.
http://www.cafepress.co.uk/wtdugly
infact just check out What the Duck
WTD01 set the scene:
http://www.cafepress.co.uk/wtdugly
infact just check out What the Duck
WTD01 set the scene:
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dotur
od karnevala
There is a good one here:
http://forums.dpreview.com/forums/read.asp?forum=1018&message=19622198
www.ivanlozica.com
http://forums.dpreview.com/forums/read.asp?forum=1018&message=19622198
www.ivanlozica.com
brainwood
Registered Film User
Buy a professional camera and your a professional photographer, buy a flute and you own a flute.
brainwood
Registered Film User
A fellow bought a Labrador puppy from the pet store and named him Kodak.
That way he could say he owned a Kodak lab.
That way he could say he owned a Kodak lab.
brainwood
Registered Film User
A photographer goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, "You are a beautiful woman, and I'm a photographer, would you like to pose for me at my studio?"
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs:
"NO, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the poor guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and quietly says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a journalist and I've got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which the photographer responds, at the top of his lungs:
"What do you mean $200?"
ok i'll stop now
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs:
"NO, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the poor guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and quietly says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a journalist and I've got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which the photographer responds, at the top of his lungs:
"What do you mean $200?"
ok i'll stop now
Steve M.
Veteran
How many successful wedding photographers does it take to change a light bulb? Both of them.
How many photographers does it take to change a light bulb? 50. One to change it, and 49 to say "I could have done that".
What's the difference between a wedding photographer and a monkey? You have to give the monkey a banana after teaching it to push a button. You have to give the photographer $1000.
What do you call a bad wedding photographer? A wedding photographer.
How many photographers does it take to change a light bulb? 50. One to change it, and 49 to say "I could have done that".
What's the difference between a wedding photographer and a monkey? You have to give the monkey a banana after teaching it to push a button. You have to give the photographer $1000.
What do you call a bad wedding photographer? A wedding photographer.
ed1234
Established
I know what breed of dog I am getting next.
tlitody
Well-known
What does a photographer call a three legged dog? Tripod.
Ace0fClub5
Member
taskoni
Well-known
The quickest way to make money at photography is to sell your cameras